Her eyes widened in hope. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Course I’m sure. You’ve worked your socks off today. Go on.’
‘Thanks, boss.’ Rushing out the back to grab her coat and rucksack, she said a hasty goodbye and made her way into the darkness.
Once she’d left, he turned back to Kieran. ‘Will you please stop doing that in front of Janie? I don’t need the whole world knowing how I feel about Nell.’ A sudden wave of panic washed over him as cold as the winter sea. ‘You haven’t let slip to Cat, have you?’
Tom always worried that with them being engaged, Kieran might accidentally tell Cat that Tom had been in love with Nell for years. The four of them had been friends since they all met at university in the nearby city of Halebury and Kieran had guessed his secret quite early on. So far, he’d managed to keep his gob shut, but Tom did worry that might change with Kieran and Cat now getting married. Married couples shouldn’t have secrets as far as Tom was concerned and he felt a twinge of guilt that he was placing Kieran in an awkward position. His fear of rejection and how uncomfortable things would be if Nell found out were forcing him to keep Kieran quiet.
‘Don’t worry, I haven’t. Your secret’s safe. The whole world doesn’t know, only me. You don’t have to tell the whole world though, you know. You could start with just telling Nell. It might be …’ He shrugged. ‘Helpful. That’s why I engineered this date for you. Did you like the way I did it? All subtle, like.’
‘I’ll tell her when the time’s right,’ Tom replied even though he’d said it a million times to both Kieran and himself. ‘It just never has been so far. Either I’ve been in a relationship, or she has. And I’m still not sure she could feel that way about me.’
The fact was, whenever Tom was with Nell he felt totally complete. That’s why his previous relationships had failed. He’d go into each new one feeling like they could be The One, giving all he had, but after a while a feeling of emptiness, or something being not quite right crept in. Whatever happened, and no matter how long it took, his heart inevitably came back to yearning for Nell. For her funny, in-her-own-world-half-the-time brain, a smile that lit up his life and a laugh he could listen to from now until the end of time.
The closest he’d come to getting away from his feelings for Nell was his last girlfriend, Naomi. They’d been together for three years, breaking up a couple of years ago. She’d said that it was because they wanted different things, but Tom knew it was because she was waiting for a ring and he could never quite bring himself to ask her. Every time he passed a jeweller, he’d look in the window, but he’d only ever see himself proposing to Nell. Despite serious attempts, the picture had never included anybody else. There was no one else like her. She’d always been just a little bit different – a woman of contradictions, both dreamy and focused – a little more caring, and she had her own style. That was why she and Cat had bonded so well. Both of them were different to all the other girls at university.
‘Anyway,’ he warned Kieran, knowing thoughts of Nell had taken over again, ‘stop doing weird things with your eyebrows in front of my staff. I know it’s the only hair you have left on your face, but still.’
‘Okay. Fair enough.’ Kieran watched Tom bustling around behind the counter, beginning to cash up. ‘You’re finishing early, aren’t you?’
‘Yeah, I want to swing by the care home and see Grandad. I said I’d take him a bunch of flowers for Enid.’
‘He’s a devil, your old grandad. Is she a looker?’
‘Enid?’ Tom laughed. ‘She’s 89! And Grandad’s blind as a bat anyway. She could look like Godzilla for all he knew. Actually, she’s a very lovely old lady and she really makes him laugh. There’s that saying, isn’t there? Love is blind? It’s the only reason Cat’s agreed to marry you.’
‘Oy!’ Kieran clapped his hands together. ‘Right, if you’re not coming to the pub, I’ll be off then. Cat’s got a planning meeting with Nell and her mum right about now, so I’ll be hearing all about it once she’s home.’
‘You love it really.’
‘Yeah. I do. Whatever makes her happy.’
With Kieran gone, Tom cashed up the till and closed the shop, locking the door firmly behind him. After waiting for the alarm to beep and show it was set, he turned and took a moment so his eyes could adjust to the darkness. It seemed to be taking longer and longer to get used to the dim evening light and a horrible niggling worry was growing inside his mind. The cold wind whipped around him, freezing his cheeks and running down his spine. Protecting the bunch of flowers Grandad had asked for, Tom pulled his coat tighter across his chest, hopping about on the spot as eventually everything came back into focus and he was able to make his way to the van.
The florist’s stood bang in the middle of Swallowtail Bay high street, next to a café and an artisan cheesemaker, and there was absolutely no parking nearby. He strolled down the cobbled streets enjoying the bright golden lights spilling from the shop windows. The town had quietened as the trading day drew to a close, and because it was winter.
Tourists flocked to the place in the summer bringing life and energy to the town. The high street would be full of visitors in backpacks, eating ice creams – but in winter, only the locals shopped, and a quietness settled on the high street from about mid-afternoon onwards.
Tom’s fingers were rapidly turning pink from the cold and he hurried on. Through the windows,
