So, my feelings about being here tonight were bittersweet. After so many years apart and the ups and downs of reuniting, they were finally together and getting married. I loved them both, and should only have positive, happy thoughts today.
Except, my world had crashed down around me, and no one in my band knew it.
Happiness for my friends was far from what I was feeling. More like tired. Terrified. Pissed. Confused. Heartbroken. Petrified. Scared. Panicked. Alone.
But, also loyal. Always loyal.
So yeah, I needed to be here today. Ty and Zoey were also my family. Despite my own problems, I loved them both.
I couldn’t focus, though, with all that was on my mind. Sure, I kept a slight smile fixed in place and my gaze deliberately aimed at the happy couple to appear normal. Inside, my stomach churned, and my brain was all over the place. My entire future was up in the air, a fact that I’d kept secret from everyone but my dad and one other person.
Like a beacon, my eyes were drawn to her.
Alexandria LeRoux, Zoey’s best friend, was the ethereally beautiful woman of my dreams. Her honey-blonde hair bounced like sunbeams off her tanned, defined shoulders. She clapped her hands gleefully when Zoey kissed Ty and accepted his proposal. Tall, lithe, with legs for days and the most perfect, perky breasts, Alex wore a fitted, white, off-the-shoulder sweater, skintight Levi’s, and red jingle-bell earrings.
And, her ever-present black Frye boots. Boots that had traveled the world. Sometimes, even with me.
God, she was marvelous. I watched intently as her perfect pink lips pressed against Zoey’s cheek and her long, slender fingers caressed Ty’s shoulder. Alex’s smile always lit up the entire room. Her deep-blue eyes crinkled up with joy for her best friend.
Goddammit. I’d fucked things up so royally.
This time, there was no going back.
After so many years of cat and mouse, Alex and I had finally, finally been on the same page. We were actually together. Planning a future. Tonight we should be announcing our own engagement, except for the fact that a few weeks ago I’d received news that destroyed any chance we’d ever have to be a real couple.
There was no way I could ask her to compromise the phenomenal life she had created for herself. Not when I couldn’t wrap my own head around what had happened.
So, like an asshole, I’d avoided her. Evaded her calls. Ignored her texts. In effect, ghosted the most perfect girl in the world. Maybe not to the extent Zoey had ghosted Ty all those years ago, but still.
Tonight, because of Ty and Zoey’s big announcement, our interaction was unavoidable. And, God, sheer torture. Covering my eyes with my hands, I breathed deeply into my palms to control the anxiety threatening to take over. I could not lose my shit. No one would understand. I was always the rock of this band. The steady hand. The voice of reason. The cool head. The Fonzie.
“Finally,” Connor McLoughlin, our big, ginger bass player interrupted my thoughts, thankfully unaware of my inner turmoil.
“Word.” I glanced over at him and we shared a smile.
“It’s about fucking time.” Zane, our virtuoso lead guitarist bounced over, his dark curls wild around his face. “Although, Ty’s going to have to find new inspiration to write killer songs now that he’s got the girl.”
“He’ll be fine.” Connor rolled his eyes, crossing his bulging biceps across his chest.
“God, I’m hungry. It smells amazing in here. Ty has cooked up a feast!” Zane, not known for his attention span, raised his nose in the air and sniffed.
“Yeah, well, I can’t stay for dinner, my dudes.” I shrugged. “I’ve gotta go to my folks’ house. I’ve missed too many Christmases, and everyone is home this year.”
“But it’s the last time we’ll all be together for a long time.” Zane looked stricken.
“I’m heading home too, my dad’s not doing so great right now.” Connor had seemed very distracted lately, it was the first I’d heard about his father’s health issues coming back. “I want to be with my family.”
“You’re leaving too?” Zane crossed his wiry, muscular arms.
“Relax, Zane. Your dad is here. If you come over tomorrow, my dad would love to see you,” Connor placated our high-energy guitarist.
“Okay. Yeah. I’ll text you.” Zane’s attention was already redirected across the room where his father, the famous Limelight guitar player Carter Pope, was motioning him over.
“Jen told me she’ll stop by later tonight.” My sister Jennifer had dated Connor for years before she realized her true love was her friend Becca.
“Cool.” Connor was a man of few words. I respected the hell out of him. Already strong, our friendship had been sealed forever when, despite his heartbreak and confusion at their breakup, he’d treated my sister with compassion and honor after she came out.
With the big engagement event witnessed, though, I had to get out of this house. I couldn’t fake any more happiness today. “I’ll go congratulate Ty and Zoey and then I’ll catch you later.”
As I made my way over to the happy couple, my phone pinged, causing my heartbeat to go into overdrive once again. Pulling my reading glasses out of my back pocket, I sighed at the incoming text.
Jessica: Ru coming by?
Jace: no
Jessica: Ur going to miss Xmas with her then?
Jessica: I promised.
Jessica: Jace!
Jace: Stop contacting me there is a court order.
Jessica: Fine, but it won’t change anything Jace.
Yeah, whatever. The insanity was real.
“Are you okay?” Alex’s long, slender fingers gently touched my elbow, her intoxicating ocean-breeze, tropical scent tantalized my senses. She was like a ninja. I hadn’t seen or heard her approach.
“Yep,” I moved my arm away abruptly.
She winced but pasted on her usual sunny smile in record time before attempting to slip away
