“Yeah?” Moe grated out in a grumpy tone.
Arissa checked her phone, thinking she called the wrong number, but no. Feeling a little uncertain she asked, “Ah, is this Moe’s?”
Moe sighed. “Is that the number you called, Darling?”
“I thought so, but when answering for a business one usually says the business’ name.”
“Been saying my name for over fifty years, tired of saying it. So, what can I do for you?” Moe said into the phone, held it from his mouth and shouted, “Now, that’s the fucking way to do it!” Then hollered, “Woo hoo!”
Arissa jerked the phone from her ear, which was now ringing. What the fuck. Small town, part of the charm, she needed to remind herself of that. “I’m looking for Billie Donahue. His message said to call him at Moe’s if it’s an emergency.”
“Woman, he’s on a winning streak playing darts against Elmer, he ain’t got time.” Moe informed her before hanging up.
“Hello? Did he just…” Arissa dropped her phone on the counter. “What the…” She lifted the yellow pages, hoping there was another plumber because honestly Billie was not inspiring confidence. No other plumbers in town.
“Well shit.” She thought to call Moe back, but had a feeling she wouldn’t be very successful. She had neighbors; she could ask them who to call. She walked outside, looked around, and noticed her neighbor across the street was out. The woman looked like a runway model, definitely someone to hire a plumber. She hurried across the street.
“Excuse me.”
The woman looked over, her blue eyes taking in Arissa’s jean cutoffs, tee and bare feet before her eyes lifted, and a smile curved her red painted lips. “The new neighbor. Welcome, Sugar.” She held out her hand. “I’m Maureen Coburn.”
Arissa was breathing heavy, feeling a bit like a wilted flower next to this woman, but she shook her hand. “Hi. Arissa Haywood. I need a plumber.”
Maureen didn’t miss a beat. “That’d be Billie Donahue.”
Arissa’s heart sank. “I called. He’s busy.”
There was a twinkle in Maureen’s eyes. “Oh right. Dart day.”
“I have a lake in my kitchen. I need a plumber.”
Maureen tapped her lip. “Pulling Billie from darts would be like pulling Millie from a bottle of vodka. Not likely gonna happen.”
“But I need a plumber.” Arissa started thinking out loud. “I suppose there are other plumbers in the neighboring towns. I could google it.”
“Billie’s the only plumber in about fifty miles.”
Arissa was starting to rethink the charms of a small town. “So what am I supposed to do with my plumbing problem?”
“My suggestion. Don’t use the water.”
Arissa started to laugh until she realized that Maureen was serious. “You’re not kidding.”
“No. You’re welcome to use my bathroom.”
Arissa’s mouth opened but she had nothing. She couldn’t use the water in her new home because Billie was playing darts with Elmer. She would laugh if she weren’t so frustrated. “Thank you, Maureen. I might take you up on that.”
“Anytime, Sugar.”
Arissa started back to her house. She had to unpack, and being new to town, she didn’t want to give a bad first impression. She could wait out Billie and his dart game, right? How long could he possibly take playing darts? She wanted simpler, grant it not this simple, but it was a give and take. In Charleston, she could have seven plumbers to her house in less than twenty minutes, but in Charleston she didn’t have the calm, the peace and the backyard. She’d wait. She wouldn’t get to soak in the tub with a glass of wine like she’d hoped, but she could wait.
Stepping back inside, she closed the front door, saw more water and ran down the hall to find a new lake in her kitchen. Clearly, she hadn’t found the shut-off valve.
Grabbing her phone, she called Moe’s again and didn’t give him a chance to talk. “I have a lake in my kitchen. I really need Billie to come out here. I don’t know how to shut off the water.”
“It’s under the sink,” Moe offered helpfully.
“I turned all of those.”
“Well, not all, Darling, if you still have a leak.”
Arissa was beginning to lose her cool. The ink hadn’t even dried on her fifteen-year mortgage and her house was going to float away. “He seriously isn’t going to stop his game?”
“No, he’s got forty bucks riding on the outcome.”
It was Arissa that hung up, tears of frustration burning her eyes, the water creeping further out from the kitchen. Helpless as to what to do next, she called the sheriff’s office.
“Moe, if this is you again telling me I’m missing out on the dart game, I’m gonna come across this street and hang you by your balls.” Josephine sighed. “You know I love me a good dart game, you old tease.”
Arissa started laughing, softly at first, but she was losing it. This town was nuts. And what the fuck kind of dart game was this? She was tempted to let her house float away and go see for herself.
Josephine heard the light chuckle come from the other end. Oh shit, it wasn’t Moe. She looked behind her to confirm the sheriff wasn’t around, but caught sight of Mike staring at her with the same look that most likely mirrored her own…a deer in headlights. She cleared her throat. “Summerville PD, can I help you?”
“I think I’d like to see you hang Moe up by the balls,” Arissa said, laughing even harder. “Billie too.”
“Honey,” Josephine cooed. “I wouldn’t be caught dead touching Billie’s arm let alone his balls.” She chuckled and asked, “What can I do for ya, Sugar?”
Arissa roared with laughter, it wasn’t even funny, but she was getting hysterical seeing the water rising. “I think in about twenty minutes, you’ll see my house floating down Main Street.”
“Ohhh,” Josephine expressed, excitedly. “You the one that bought the old Meyer’s place, aren’t ya?”
“I did, but I don’t think there will be much left of it by the end of
