“No,” I reply. “It’s my husband’s fault I lost my husband. I’m starting to think he left me long before he died. I just didn’t know it.”
I don’t get any more time to process all of this new information, because the next second the front door flies open and then a whirlwind in the shape of a small boy comes in talking gibberish a mile a minute before he flings himself into his mother’s arms.
“Sorry,” a lady says as she jogs in out of breath. “He was ready to come home and wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“It’s fine,” Meredith says as she pulls him down into her lap so that he’s finally calm and still and facing me, looking like a tiny version of Adam. “Mommy was just talking to her friend, Charlotte. Can you say hello?”
“Hi!” he replies before shoving his thumb into his mouth.
“Someone looks like he’s ready for a nap.”
“I’m not sleepy!” he challenges even as his eyelids sag.
“Right, of course not,” Meredith replies with a grin. “We’ll just take a quick little break for a few minutes, and then you can get right back to being a messy tornado.”
“‘Kay,” he replies before sucking harder on his thumb and letting his eyes finally close.
Chapter Twenty-One
Roman
I’ve just finished washing my dishes after dinner when I hear someone knocking at the door. My heart actually leaps in my chest, because only one other person knows the gate codes to even get this close to my house. When I open the door to the porch, Charlotte is standing by the railing, looking out towards the ocean.
“You don’t have to knock,” I say. “I was serious about you living here.” When she doesn’t respond, I add, “I’m happy to see you. Happy that you decided to come back.”
“Well, I’m glad to see you, too,” she says with a small smile as she turns to face me. Her eyes look puffy as if she has been crying, and her hair is still pulled into the messy ponytail she likes to wear while driving.
“You want to hang out here for a while or go inside and get a drink?” I ask her. “I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now or what you must need. Just say the word, and I’ll cook up something or get you anything…”
“I need you to forgive me, Roman,” she interrupts me. “For treating you as a distraction. I’ve been wallowing in my grief and self-pity for so long after losing Adam, just living in the past. I don’t know if I would ever have been able to move forward without you, move on and live the rest of my life.”
“Charlotte, there’s nothing for me to forgive,” I reply awkwardly. “The things you’ve endured, especially with everything you found out recently…I mean, those aren’t easy things to process. You handled it as well as anyone could ever hope to if they were put in such a shitty situation. Again, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, but I do know that grief…grief is a motherfucker.”
Charlotte snorts a laugh before quickly raising a hand to cover her mouth. Then, with a grin, she repeats, “Grief is a motherfucker. I knew you would understand, even if you had trouble articulating it.”
“What can I say, I’m a modern man in touch with my emotions.” I smile back at her. “But I’m serious, there’s nothing to forgive. For my part, I’m sorry for how I hurt you with…well, I guess with the truth about Adam. I just wanted a clean slate. I wanted everything on the table, all the good shit and bad shit out where we could both see it, so that maybe we could start picking up the pieces together.”
“Is that really what you want, Roman? A widow with brand new trust issues to work through to hang out with day and night?” Charlotte asks with a slight tremor in her voice.
“Charlotte, I want you. You have to know I’m crazy about you. You’re infuriating in so many ways, but you make me feel things I can’t even express. I miss you when you leave; and no matter what I’m doing, I’m thinking of when I will see you again. All I want is to make you a part of my life. Hell, I want you to be the center of my life.”
“I want that, too,” Charlotte says as she steps towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist and laying her head on my chest. “I don’t want to be mad anymore,” she mumbles into my t-shirt. “Mad at Adam for dying or for being unfaithful. How can I be mad when that miniature version of him, Aiden, is out there, loving life and having fun, even though his father is gone and he never got to meet him? I want to forgive Adam and let him rest. I didn’t really know him as well as I thought, Roman.”
“Hey, don’t start feeling guilty again,” I comfort her as I stroke her hair. “None of us ever really know what other people are thinking. You just have to choose who to trust, and pray they never break your heart.”
“That’s why I trust you, Roman,” Charlotte says as she turns her gaze up to meet mine. “The connection you and I have is rare and special. I never thought I would find it with anyone else. What we have is real, maybe more than anything I’ve ever felt before. Roman, I think I’m falling in…”
Our lips meet before she can finish what she wanted to say, our tongues seeking each other urgently as Charlotte’s hands dive underneath my t-shirt. Breaking our kiss momentarily, I tell her, “I feel the same, baby. You don’t have to rush it.”
Instead of replying, she wraps her arms around my neck, digging her fingers into the skin of my back as she pulls me closer to her. With one hand, I deftly pop
