He would smile at me and I felt like I was melting. I didn’t want to feel like that, I didn’t want to feel like there was a boy who was distracting me from my studies or my goals.
I wasn’t going to take his shit anymore, though. There was no way that I was going to pretend that I was okay with him ignoring me, once again, because of his dumb friends.
I was trying my best not to think about it as I advanced toward him. He was sitting outside, on one of the benches, his books spilled around him. The sun was hitting his hair and his friends weren’t around. I hadn’t planned on running into him, but he was right there, and it would have been a shame to waste the opportunity that had presented itself on a silver platter.
I approached him, making as much sound as I could as I walked up to him. There was a second where I hesitated, but I didn’t want to hesitate. I wanted to be brave. I wanted my confrontation of him to be brave, to make sense, and most importantly, to be brief. If his friends arrived, I didn’t know how he was going to react.
Actually, I thought, grimacing, I knew exactly how he was going to react if his friends came around. He picked up his head and his gaze met mine. His eyes widened a little as I sat a few feet away from him.
He scooted slightly toward me, not enough to be noticeable.
“Hi,” he said, finally, though he wasn’t looking at me.
“Hey,” I replied, also not looking at him.
“Jess, I—”
“No, don’t say anything,” I said.
I heard him shuffle uncomfortable in his seat. Good. I wanted him to be uncomfortable.
“I just want to talk, and you can talk after me, if you want to,” I said. “But you don’t have to say anything at all, either.”
“Fine,” he said.
“I told you no one needed to know, and I meant that,” I said. “But I didn’t sign up for you to act like you don’t know me, or to act like your dick friends can demean me. I’m done. I will find a different tutor for you, and I’m not going to be in the way of you getting the education that you need. But I’m not going to sacrifice myself for, you know, you—”
“Wait,” he said, for the first time looking right at me. “I don’t want—”
“I don’t care what you want, Jody,” I said. “This isn’t good for me, you know it isn’t good for me, and the worst thing is, you know it isn’t good for you either.”
“I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” he said. “I just, I don’t know. They come around and I panic.”
“How about don’t panic,” I said. “Just treat me like a human. Nobody has to know I’m your girl—”
“Shh, keep your voice down,” he said.
I swallowed, standing up. “Anyway,” I said. “It’s not my problem anymore.”
As I stood up, I felt someone push me back on the shoulder, and I sat down again, a little startled. I looked back to see Max, who was glowering at me, his teeth shining in a devilish smile.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.
“I’m just sitting here,” I said. “Leave me alone.”
“Aw,” he said, his voice dropping to a whisper. “You are mad, huh? Little Jessie is sad that Jody doesn’t want to be seen with—”
“Hey,” Jody said, standing up. “She said to leave her alone.”
Max raised his eyebrows, scoffing before he spoke. “Really?” he asked. “You’re going to defend this ugly bitch?”
My gaze darted between Max and Jody.
Jody’s lip curled up for a second and I saw his expression harden. “No,” he said. “Of course not. I just don’t think you should be wasting your time with her.”
Max laughed heartily. “Good point,” he said. “You’re right, of course, I just…”
I couldn’t hear anything else except laughing, and I could hardly see from the tears swimming in my eyes.
CHAPTER FIVE
2019
I got into the hospital a little early because I hadn’t been able to sleep. My jog had taken place slightly earlier than it normally did, and after showering, I changed into some more appropriate doctor clothes. I was wearing slacks and a white button-up blouse with short-sleeves, with a necklace that didn’t hang too loose and stud earrings. I knew it was better if patients didn’t have anything to hang onto in worst case scenarios, but I still wanted to look good and presentable.
It was only just getting dark when I walked toward the nurses’ desk in the emergency room. I looked at the practically empty waiting room from behind the glass pane door and smiled before I turned to see the nurse on a shift.
“Hey, Louise,” I said. “How is tonight looking?”
“Good evening, Dr. Meyer,” she said. “I heard dayshift didn’t have it too bad but…”
I nodded. That meant nothing for night shift.
I sighed before I turned back to look at her, looking her up and down before I asked her anything. I shouldn’t have, probably, but I wanted to. I needed to know. It was like a compulsion. “So,” I said. “Did you hear about a patient who came in last night? Young man, late twenties, he had a knife sticking out of his arm.”
“Oh, yeah,” she said. “Yeah, I heard about him.
