And it would always be over.
Because Anah was his life now.
And always would be.
Only minutes had passed when Ethan walked Guilia out to her car, but it felt as if her whole life had changed. She turned to him impulsively, and the way Ethan stiffened had a shaky smile curving over her lips. "There's no need to look so worried. I won't make any trouble for you again."
"Even if you did," Ethan murmured, "it wouldn't change a thing."
And there was her answer, Guilia thought, to the question she no longer needed to ask. She could try to make trouble for him still. Play on his guilt or threaten to expose Hartland Initiative even. She could've done anything, and none of it would've made a difference.
"When Travis and his father were arrested..." She saw the way Ethan's lips tightened, and Guilia swallowed hard. She had always wondered what kind of person could've dared gone up against those men, whose wealth had given them nearly unchecked power, and now she knew.
"Thank you," Guilia whispered.
"I only wish I had been able to do it sooner."
"Do you think," she asked wistfully, "if I had given us a chance, it would've worked between us?"
"It could've," Ethan answered levelly, "but there's no way to know anymore, and you'd only be wasting your time thinking about it." Anah was the woman he'd love for the rest of his life, and after this meeting with Guilia, he was all the more determined to not let a single secret exist between them.
Secrets, no matter how well-meaning, could only keep people apart, and he could only hope—-
"What did she say," Guilia asked hesitantly, "when you told her about asking me to marry you?"
"She doesn't know," Ethan said curtly, "but I plan to tell her—-" He saw the look on Guilia's face.
No.
And when Guilia stammered, "I'm so s-sorry..."
Ethan could feel the air being sucked out of his world, and it took every effort not to keep his hand from shaking as he took his phone out of his pocket.
It's going to be fine.
Anah's phone started ringing.
You can fix this.
But eventually his call was redirected to voicemail.
You're not going to lose her.
He tried to convince himself of this as he drove like a madman and collected speeding tickets along the way.
It's going to be fine. You can fix this. You're not going to lose her.
But when he got to his place, he knew...
The moment he stepped inside...
He knew.
Even before he saw the ring she had left on his bedroom console, he already knew.
The emptiness that gnawed at his heart was all that he needed to feel...
And he knew.
She was gone.
She had left him.
Because she wanted him to be happy.
Chapter Nineteen
One month later
Anah had been working herself ragged. She had thought it would help, would make her sleep as soon as she hit the bed. But it didn't. Nothing worked. Nothing could make her forget.
Hello Anah.
Ethan's told me about you for years, so it almost feels like I know you. He's always talked about you like you're his little sister.
But you and I both know the truth, don't we?
You're in love with him, and I'm betting you grabbed the chance to make him fall in love with you again.
I know I have no right to ask you of this, but I'm still going to ask it anyway. Because I love him. I truly love Ethan. I know better than anyone that I've made a lot of mistakes, and I know you won't believe me, but those mistakes were something I did because I wanted him to find someone else. Someone better...like you.
That's why when he came to me and asked me to marry him two weeks ago, I ended up making the biggest mistake of my life.
I said no.
When I should've said yes.
I need him back, Anah. And I believe he needs me back, too. He loves me still. He would never have stayed with me all these years if he didn't love me. After everything I did, he still stayed with me, and didn't you ever wonder why that was?
It's because he loves me.
So if you really love him and want Ethan to be truly happy, please don't make it hard for him. Please don't make him choose. Please let him go so he can be happy with me.
And so every night, Anah still cried herself to sleep. Cried out loud, cried until exhaustion overcame her. Cried so much that she always hoped once morning came, she would be all out of tears.
But she wasn't.
And so it started again.
She went to work. And she would be crying inside. Just endless tears that her heart couldn't stop shedding. And it hurt, the pain so unimaginable that she almost wanted to go crawling back to Ethan.
Can't it be me?
Please.
Can't it be me?
But she couldn't. Because she loved him. She couldn't go to him because she loved him, and wasn't that the greatest, most painful irony of all? That for the man she loved to be happy, she had to stay away?
ANOTHER DAY BEGAN. Anah paused for a rare moment to study her reflection in the mirror. I lost weight, Anah thought, and that wasn't good. Someone who knew Ethan might see her and tell him, and then he'd be worried, and he'd have to pretend—-
Tears pricked her eyes.
That was what had hurt most of all.
That he had told her he was happy.
And she had believed in his lie.
The tears started falling, but she hastily wiped them away. Stop it, Anah. She grabbed her backpack, slung it over one shoulder, and left her apartment.
But the tears still kept falling.
Stop it, Anah.
She walked furiously down the block in a silly attempt to outrun her memories. But just with all the other days she had done the same thing, it didn't work at all. It never did, and the tears...
I'm happy.
Ethan's raw voice played in her mind.
Oh God.
And the tears became too much.
Blinding
