He shut his mouth, and the muscles in his cheeks rippled.
I sucked in a breath that made my eyes water at the reminder of what she’d done.
I still couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know if I ever would.
“She told me,” Zac continued on after a second, in something very, very close to a croak that had me staring straight into those light blue eyes. “Enzo is a good guy. Used to be a quarterback here but he retired two seasons ago. He was tellin’ me all about his new wife and how they were in town visitin’ his family before y’all came out, and how she hadn’t wanted to go to the party but he’d begged her… He made her explain. I couldn’t believe she did that, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. You said I never wrote you back or answered, and I told you there was no way I would’ve let that happen. I know I tried gettin’ in touch with you too, kiddo. There’s no way I wouldn’t have. And I know that’s no excuse for all of the last ten years, but I really did start to believe there that you just didn’t want me to be part of your life anymore.”
Something terrible and bitter pinched my tongue at the memory of the joy on his face when he’d realized it was me that first day, of how happy he’d seemed to be.
And he’d thought I didn’t want him around?
“Zac, why were you so nice to me that first day if you thought I had felt that way?”
He closed his mouth and looked at me. “’Cause I was happy to see you. I missed you. I wasn’t lyin’. I never forgot you. I asked about you less and less, but I still wondered… when I wasn’t busy havin’ my own head up my ass.”
Tears stung my eyes again at the infinite kindness in him. When I’d seen him, I’d been so hurt, and all I’d wanted was to keep my distance so that I wouldn’t give him the opportunity to hurt me again. And he’d—he’d tried and kept on trying, even thinking I hadn’t wanted him around either.
Of course I was still in love with him. Of course I’d fallen in love with him again. I had no choice.
His fingers slipped from my hair, and he stared at me even harder. “She changed your number in my goddamn phone. Changed my number in yours because she was fuckin’ jealous. Fuckin’ jealous.”
He took a step back then as he shook his head, leaving me reeling again as he walked toward the living room wall and then pivoted on his heel, stopping instantly. His hands scrubbed at his denim-covered thighs, and he made this terrible noise in his throat that made me want to go to him.
“There’s more to the story, isn’t there?” he asked me softly, forcing me back to the present.
“Yes.”
Here it was.
“I’m sorry, okay? I want you to know now that I’m sorry for… being dumb and young and for letting it happen, okay?”
I loved him more than ever when he nodded without hesitation.
“When I was seventeen,” I started, “you were in your second season in Dallas… Boogie and I went to go visit you. We went to see a game. We went out to eat with two of your teammates, and you had brought Jessica along. I’d already met her before. I sat next to you, I guess. I don’t know, maybe I had been talking to you too much instead of letting you talk with everyone else… and Jessica came up to me in the bathroom and said… she said… stuff. About me being an inconvenience. About you not having time for me. And she said some other things. I had to go sit in Boogie’s car afterward. You guys thought I was upset about Mamá Lupe.”
I’m telling you this to make you feel better. You’re young, but it’s not going anywhere. He doesn’t like you like that, okay? You’re a baby.
Fortunately, I didn’t tell him more than that. I didn’t have to, and I didn’t really want to.
Mostly because, with each word out of my mouth, that normally placid and easygoing face melted into one so serious, one so… so… thunderous… there were thunderstorms brewing behind his eyes and thunder bubbling beneath his cheekbones… and I forced myself to rush ahead.
“I believed her, Zac. Maybe not at that moment, but then you stopped answering my texts like two weeks later. You went to my graduation and everything was fine; then you came home again and she was with you, and then it seemed real. That’s when I stopped getting your messages, and it broke my heart… and I just... I tried after that, you know, texting you. I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t a big deal and that I’d give you time to not bother you, but I still never heard back from you, and it broke my heart even more. Then I got embarrassed and started telling Boogie I was busy when he’d invite me to go see you… I moved… and the next thing I knew, it had been years. But I never stopped following your career or anything; I always kept up with everything. I was still… maybe not your number one fan but at least in the top five. I’m sorry, Snack Pack. I’m sorry I believed her, and I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, but I was ashamed—”
He was there.
His “kiddo” was sighed into my hair the moment his arms wrapped around my shoulders, his cheek settling against my head.
Zac hugged me tightly, so fucking tightly I wouldn’t be able to take a deep breath, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care, I
