At the house, I turned before I got out of the car. ‘Thank you, Jack. For everything. Can you stay for dinner?’
He grinned. ‘Love to. Do you need help making your arancini tonight?’ he asked. ‘I’ve got some extra time on my hands.’
‘Uhm, no thanks. I already made them because I won’t be home all day tomorrow. I’ve got a new job.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yeah – Italian-speaking tour guide for Poldark.’
‘That would explain the cheesy outfit. I was wondering.’
I slapped his forearm lightly. It felt good to be back in this place again. ‘Silly.’
‘There it is, the Nina smile…!’
‘I don’t remember the last time I smiled.’
He sighed, shaking his head. ‘Nina… you don’t need to work this hard. I can’t bear to see you like this.’
‘It’s nothing, I’m used to it, Jack. Plus it’s only during school hours. I’ll be home by four, and Deirdre’s already agreed to fetch and keep the kids until I get home.’
‘But, sweetheart, you shouldn’t be killing yourself making arancini or doing tours across the county. You should be sat at your desk writing your next blockbuster. That’s what will make your fortune.’
I shrugged.
‘Why don’t you let me help you?’ he offered. ‘Just enough to keep you going while you write your book.’
‘No! No, thank you, Jack. I haven’t got a book in me at the moment.’ And I realised I had been saying this for years now. Even Alice would have had a right to give up on me, but she never did. One good thing that I had was my people. My tribe. I was so lucky to be surrounded by the salt of the earth. People I was now, however, disappointing – my kids first of all.
‘I’d be surprised if you did, the way you tear across the county for everyone else except for yourself. Nina, just take some time off. Forget the arancini, forget Poldark and just… be a while.’
There was nothing that I wanted more – the chance to just “be” a while. But I couldn’t take his offer, not while I was still paying Alice’s advance off. The ten grand had gone to the school fees and new uniforms and school supplies for the kids and Ben’s consultation in the States, but I didn’t have enough for the follow-up and pre-op visits, let alone the operation itself. It would be good to check this French doctor out.
And then something hit me. Why, if I’d called Emma, had Jack come in her stead? Had they been together?
35
Phoenix
If there was any bright side at all to Luke leaving, it was Chloe’s transformation from resentment to sympathy for me. Instead of being her usual rebellious and selfish self, she found the time to talk to me without asking me for money, or for permission to go somewhere absolutely unfit for a girl her age.
‘Do you miss him?’ she asked softly, rubbing my back like I always did to her when she was down.
I was always one to protect my children from my own problems. But if they had brought Chloe back to being my sweet little girl who would hug me just for being me, then I would always be honest with them.
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘But I am also sorry for disappointing you and Ben. I so wanted to make your lives better, and I promise you, I will, Chloe. I’ll get back in the saddle and write my heart out. Full time. I won’t stop until I’ve finished a book. An entire series, in fact.’
‘Mum,’ she said. ‘You haven’t disappointed Ben and me. We are so proud of you, of everything you’ve done since Dad left us.’
I looked into her eyes. Was she serious?
‘Oh, Mum,’ she sobbed, rubbing her forehead against mine. ‘I’m so sorry for being a monster to you! All these years and I blamed you for him leaving.’
I fought back the tears. My baby was growing up. Enough snivelling. It was time to be strong. ‘Oh, no, my darling. You were angry. We all were. But I’ll do everything I can to make sure that scumbag doesn’t get to your money, either. I’ll put it in your names for your college funds.’
At that, she giggled through her tears. ‘Mum! You’ve never talked like that before!’
‘Yes, well, sorry. I can’t always be perfect.’
‘No one ever asked you for that.’
Well, that was a good thing.
‘Can I read your books?’ she asked, blowing me away. She had never ever expressed any interest in my work, always dismissing it as “rubbish”.
I swallowed. ‘Of course. You’re a young woman now. You understand women and their feelings.’ Of which there had been an abundance.
‘Is there a lot of… sex? Because I don’t want to read about you and Dad—’
Was there a lot of sex in my marriage? ‘Absolutely not. It’s more about relationships and problems.’
‘Like money problems?’
I smiled and nodded. I was a specialist in those. I mean, in having money problems. Not solving them. At least not yet.
‘Those, too, yes. And again, it’s fiction. It even says so at the beginning of the book: all characters are purely fictional.’ (That one had got a good laugh out of Alice.)
Chloe eyed me, still unsure. ‘So it’s not about you?’
‘It’s about women like me, Chloe. Maybe even half of the mothers at Northwood, the ones who bad-mouth me. You know how many of them are divorced or unhappy in their marriages and put on an act, just so they can swim in the family money?’
Her blue eyes widened. ‘Really? Maybe that’s why they’re so gossipy?’
I winked at her and she hugged me. ‘I’m sorry for being such a brat, Mum…’
‘I love you, sweetie,’ I reassured her as I breathed in her fresh scent of youth and bubble gum and lip gloss. ‘Always remember that. No matter how difficult it is for your dad and I to get along, I will always love you and Ben to pieces.’
‘Does
