I loved watching the two of them interact with each other. He was completely natural with her. Even though he said he didn’t have any experience with small children, his instincts kicked in instantly, and their bond got stronger with every day. And every day I became more smitten with him. I thought of him first every morning and fell asleep with him on my mind at night. Some of those nights, I was wrapped in his arms, and some of those mornings we learned to start our days together. It was taking time to get used to each other and the process of living the basic, monotonous moments of life together, but I was loving the process. I just wished it didn’t feel like we were getting further and further from the time when we’d be able to have this important conversation with clear minds.
On Friday, Pam arrived at her usual time in the morning lugging another huge bag of food. She’d gotten into the habit of doing that a couple of times a week, especially on days when there would be races. Though there wasn’t a race scheduled for Friday night, somehow, she knew it was set up to be a packed day. Quentin and Merry took that day off to go to a doctor’s appointment for the baby and run some errands. Apparently, she was in full-blown nesting mode, and he was scrambling to follow her around and make sure her every whim was fulfilled. It was amazing to see and listening to Darren cackle about it always made me laugh. According to him, Quentin was never the type of man to fall all over himself for a woman the way he was for her. But she’d managed to melt him, and he was eagerly anticipating the birth of their baby.
Them taking the day off meant they would just be for the rest of us, so I would particularly grateful for the food Pam brought me that morning. When lunchtime came along, I dug out the large storage container of Italian pasta salad and a fork. I had already munched my way through some of the amazing crusty bread she’d baked and the bowl of fruit salad, but I was looking forward to the delicious, satisfying pasta she knew I loved. I settled in the field and dug into the container. I’d been eating for a few minutes when Darren came out of the office building and sat down beside me.
“Hi,” I said. “I thought you disappeared for the day.”
“It felt like it,” he joked. “Mom had me in there going over some of the marketing materials Merry has been working on. As much as she’s trying to say she’ll be able to do it, just immediately jump back into work as soon as the baby’s born, we’re all preparing for her to be out for at least a few weeks.”
“What is she expecting to do with a newborn around here?” I asked, taking another bite of the pasta.
“I think she thinks she could just strap it to her and go about her life like nothing’s different,” he said.
“You know what? If she can do that, good on her. I know some women are able to bounce back like that and they can bring their babies with them to work and everything, and that’s amazing. I was not like that,” I told him. “I spent the several two weeks after Willa was born staying at home. I essentially did nothing but hold her, feed her, change her, and sleep.”
“That actually sounds pretty nice,” Darren said.
I smiled, the corners of my mouth twitching slightly as I dealt with a blend of nostalgia, happiness, and sadness. I still longed for those early days with my daughter sometimes. She was growing up fast, and there were moments when I wished I could just revisit her newborn stage just for a moment. But now that Darren was in our lives, I couldn’t help but overlap those memories with the thought of him not being there. Of course, I’d been aware of it when it happened. I’d thought of him all the time after she was born. But it was with questions and hesitation. Now it was knowing what an incredible man he was and what a good father my daughter had. I wished he’d had the opportunity to see her in her first moments and be there for all the milestones.
“It was,” I said, trying not to let myself dwell too much on the past and instead think about us moving ahead together.
Darren and I looked into each other’s eyes for a few seconds before I saw the shift in his thought process, like he was going to change the subject.
“So, Colby has a date tonight and wants us to double. Sound good?” he asked.
“Sure. That sounds like fun,” I told him.
“Do you think Pam can watch our girl?” he asked.
I felt warmth go through my chest and a little thrill I got every time Darren talked about Willa as ours. I stuck my fork into the bowl of pasta salad and set it to the side to pull my phone out of my pocket. Pam and I had already talked a little bit before during my daily call to check in on my daughter before lunch. But this time the phone rang and rang without her answering it. I hung up and called one more time, but she didn’t answer
