Just then Lindsey came up with my order of nachos. I took them from her before she could set them down and waited for her to turn away again. I handed Kelly the napkin and made sure she looked at it.
“Call me. Please,” I said, then took my plate and headed back to the table, hoping my face didn’t show the storm of emotion I was feeling inside.
4 Kelly
I watched Darren walk away with a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. There were so many different thoughts and emotions that went into both, I barely had time to process them all. That was the last thing I thought was going to happen when I walked into the bar that night. Now that it happened, I didn’t know how to feel about it or what I was going to do next. When he was back at the table with the three men I recognized as the brothers he’d pointed out to me the first night we’d met along with several others, I looked down at the napkin he handed me. The phone number written across it seemed legitimate. That was a completely ridiculous thought to even go through my mind, but after everything I’d been through, there was always an edge of uncertainty and nervousness about nearly everything. Of course, there was no reason for him to give me a fake phone number. What would he get out of that? Yet it seemed too good, too perfect just to happen this way.
Folding the napkin carefully to avoid damaging the number in any way, I tucked it in my pocket and downed the rest of the bottle of beer. It was the same type I’d had with him the night we met; the same type I had every year on his birthday. I gestured to the bartender and tossed some cash on the top of the bar before slipping out. When I got outside, I drew in a deep breath. It felt like the first breath I’d taken since I laid eyes on Darren. I’d been holding back all the others, not sure what was going to happen, not knowing what to do. Running into him tonight seemed almost poetic.
It was short-sighted of me, but when I’d decided to go there, my first thought was that he walked out of the bar with me that night and never went back. It only made sense. He looked out of place and uncomfortable, even when he was dancing and laughing. It was like someone who hates water going out on a boat and managing to have a good time. It didn’t mean they suddenly like the water or would jump at the chance to go again.
Apparently, I was wrong. He mentioned it was not only a tradition to go to the bar on his birthday, but that he went fairly frequently. The thought struck me that if I had been trying to find Darren, I probably never would. But because he was on my mind and I wanted a few moments to think about him, but not see him because I wasn’t ready yet, there he was.
It was so much, so fast. I was on my way to being an American citizen, which in any other circumstance would mean I could possibly try to have a real relationship with him. In any other circumstance—not mine. The massive secret I was holding close to my chest kept it from being that simple.
I let out a shuddering breath as I climbed into my car and took a second to myself to try to calm my emotions. Part of me wanted to laugh. Part of me wanted to cry. I couldn’t figure out which was more appropriate, so I didn’t do either and cranked the engine over to head to the little apartment I’d just moved into. From outside I could see the blue flashing glow of the TV bouncing through the window of the darkened living room. It told me everything was settling down for the night, just as I expected. I went inside and found Flora sitting on the couch. She looked relaxed, blanket from the back pulled down over her legs and her head propped in her hand as she rested her elbow on the arm of the couch beside her. The table in front of her had the remnants of a pizza dinner she’d ordered, and I had the urge to toss myself into the chair beside her and tuck into a few cheesy slices.
She looked up as I came into the room and smiled.
“Home already?” she asked. “I figured you’d be out a bit longer.”
I shrugged as I kicked off my shoes.
“I got everything I needed taken care of,” I told her, not going into any detail.
My landlord had helped me hire Flora when I mentioned needing a babysitter so I could go about the tasks of getting settled into our new home. Our new city. Our new country. It was such a huge change, but I knew it was the right thing. I was still trying to get everything in place, and Flora had been a godsend. I reached into my purse and pulled out some cash, holding it out to her.
“Thanks, as always,” I said. “I really appreciate it.”
“Absolutely,” Flora said. “Call me anytime.” She sat up and reached for the plates on the table. “I was going to get this cleaned up before you got back.”
I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”
She smiled and stepped into her shoes. Grabbing her bag, she said good night and left. I walked down the hallway and stopped at the door to the smaller of the two bedrooms. Carefully pushing open the slightly cracked door, I peeked in at Willa. She was sound asleep, her
