I motion with my hand. “Come in.” After I move to the side, he steps in, his eyes going to the box by the door. “You didn’t have to bring me anything.”
“I know I didn’t have to,” he says, not moving from the door. “But I wanted to.” He smiles, and I try to ignore the way my heart beats, or that the pain in my chest is just a little less since last week. He places it on the counter next to the picture of Drew and me. It’s the only thing I kept that was in the box. It was one of our first dates, where we were dressed up to go to his work function. “You look good here,” he says, looking at it and then up again. “I mean, you look good in anything.” He puts it down, and then he just stares at me.
“What did you bring me?” I ask, grabbing the brown paper bag and finding containers inside. “Is this chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes?” I look at it and then grab another container to find the gravy. “Oh my god.” I turn and pop it into the oven and set the timer. “I haven’t eaten all day.” I walk over to the fridge. “Would you like a beer?”
“Water is fine,” he says, and I look at him. “I don’t really drink that anymore. I will have one occasionally.”
I open a water bottle for him and hand it to him. “I have to tell you something,” he starts, and I just look at him. “Talk is already starting about you and Drew.”
“What?” I ask, shocked. “How?” I shake my head; this is what happens in the South. The chatter goes around so fast.
“He was in town this morning with I guess the girl he was with yesterday,” he tells me, and I look at him with my mouth hanging open. “Someone told Kallie, and she told me.”
“Oh my god,” I say, putting my hand to my mouth. “How fucking …” I start to pace in the kitchen. “How pathetic is this going to make me look?” He watches me as I pace. “My first boyfriend takes off for five years, leaving me without a second look, and the man who I was going to marry is with a new girl five hours later.”
“That doesn’t make you look pathetic,” he says. “It makes us look like idiots.”
“What are you talking about?” I shout at him.
“You left Drew,” he points out.
“Oh, yeah, ’cause that sounds better. We aren’t together because he was fucking another woman because I didn’t give it up to him.” I close my eyes and put my fingers on the bridge of my nose. “Oh my god. It took them three years to look at me without pity when you left,” I say, and I can see him wince. “No offense, but I used to walk into places, and it used to be, ‘Oh, dear, you’ll find love soon.’ What a fucking asshole.”
“If you want, we can head into town now and make out in the middle of Main Street.” He smiles at me. “Can you imagine what they’d say?”
“Yeah, I’ll be the biggest bitch of all time. It’s no wonder she left him. She never got over Ethan.” I mock the way the town would talk.
“Did you?” he asks, and I look at him. “Did you get over me?”
I think about my answer. Well, I know my answer, but I’m not sure I’m ready to admit it. “What are you asking me, Ethan?”
“I’m asking if you got over me,” he asks point-blank.
“Do I even have to answer this question?” I shake my head. “You heard Drew. I never slept with him, and I was going to marry him.”
“That could mean so many things,” he says to me. “It could be that you weren’t attracted to him. It could be that you weren’t ready for it. It could be you were saving yourself for marriage.”
“Saving myself for marriage. We slept together five times a week, if not more!” I shout at him, and I want to take it back. I don’t want him to know that I still remember. “I think saving myself for marriage was out the door.”
“When I would be out on a mission, we sometimes would have to wait it out. During those times was when I used to talk to you the most,” he tells me. “In my head, I used to tell you about my day.”
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I say, shaking my head. “I thought I could do it, but I don’t know if I can.”
“Why?” he asks, crossing his hands over his chest. “Tell me why.”
“Because it hurts,” I say, the pain in my chest heavy again. “Because it hurts right here.” I point at my chest. “Because those years without you were the worst. Because knowing you were out there without me was unbearable.” I wipe the tear away.
“Because you love me,” he tells me. “I know you do, Em,” he says as he comes around the counter, and I hold my breath. My heart speeds up faster as he cups my face in his hands. “I know because I love you just as much. Thinking about you for the past five years was my own living hell. I thought it was what I deserved for walking away from you.
“Every single birthday, I would watch the sunrise. Every single time I would walk outside, I would look up at the stars and wonder where you were. Every single time my heart beat, it beat for you.” His voice goes soft, and his face comes closer. “You can fight it all you want, but you and me, Sunrise, it’s a forever kind of love,” he says, and his lips find mine in the softest way for
