For me, it’s worth it. It’s part of the deal that I knew would happen. It’s completely different for Indie.
“Please stop apologising,” she mutters against my chest, her hot breath doing things to me that aren’t helpful right now. She’s not in a great place, and her mum is home. Dragging her to my cave isn’t what she wants… I don’t think.
“I’m still sorry. What can I do?”
Denny is on it. The man is a shark. I have no idea how to, or who to even contact to begin suing fuckers. That doesn’t mean I have to be useless. There must be something I can do to make her feel better.
“Can we go out tonight?”
I pull back enough to see her face. Is that a joke? “What?”
“Can we get away without anyone seeing? Is that even possible? I’m going crazy in this house, and Mum is irritated with me being around all the time. We both need some space from each other for a little while. I don’t want to hide in a house for one more evening. Can we go somewhere?”
“We can do whatever you want, baby. I’ll figure something.”
“Thank you.” She sighs. “Are you doing okay? I know there’s a lot you’re dealing with at the minute.”
“I’m doing fine. I pay someone to deal with things like this.”
“People think I’m drama.”
“People?”
“On Twitter.”
Groaning, I reply, “Stay off social media.”
“I know I should, but I got sucked in. Some people are nice, too.”
“You will always hear the negative ones louder. Don’t put yourself in that position. They have no fucking idea what they’re talking about, and they’ve no idea how lucky I am to have you.”
The corners of her mouth rise carefully. “How do you stay away from it all?”
“I just don’t look.”
“But you talk to fans.”
“On Insta. I skip straight past the shitty comments.”
“Well, I’ll try and do that. Some have told me about their similar story. They say they’re rooting for us.”
“Indie, is that Spencer?”
I look up as Jessica comes out of the kitchen.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hello, Spencer. Can I get you a tea or coffee? I’ve just put the kettle on.”
Indie’s bright smile is blinding as she pulls away. I know she hasn’t misheard, but she’s still reacting like her mum has offered us an all-expenses paid trip to the Maldives. She loves that her mum is doing something so normal. I can’t imagine it’s happened much before.
I push aside the anger I feel towards this woman. “Tea would be great, thanks.”
“I’ll make them,” Indie says. She slips away from me and leaves the room before I can grab her.
She’s left me with her mum. We’ve never been alone before, not during any of the three occasions I’ve seen her. Maybe I shouldn’t be mad still. I don’t understand addiction, and I won’t insult anyone by pretending that I do.
I scratch my neck. “How are you doing, Jessica?”
She smiles but I catch the subtle shrug of her shoulder. “I’m doing okay. Things are… difficult.”
“I’m sorry for my part in that.”
She shakes her head, sighing long and hard. “This isn’t your fault, Spencer. The press wouldn’t have anything to say about my family if David and I hadn’t been drinking for too long. I have to take responsibility.” She winces. “It doesn’t feel very good. Not like my therapist tells me it should. It’s hard. Admitting all of your failings is like having sandpaper rubbed all over your skin. Especially when it’s your child you failed.”
I nod. There’s no way I’m going to deny that to make her feel better. We all know the truth. At least she’s not hiding from it anymore, I’ll give her that. “The only thing that matters now is you and Indie repairing your relationship. She needs you.”
Jessica gulps like she’s afraid of fucking that up again. “That’s what I want.”
I want to hear her assure me that she will do it, whatever it takes. Indie deserves that… and the world, which I’m currently failing to give her.
“You two coming in here?” Indie calls.
It’s probably not the best time to have it out and tell Jessica she needs to make this work. Everyone is emotional. Indie acts tough but she’s struggling. It must be exhausting to lead two lives and constantly cover up what’s happening at home, while trying to deal with what’s happening at home.
And now I need to think of some epic date we can go on without being seen. No pressure.
I’ll have to throw a lot of money at the ice-skating rink. Indie used to love skating. She glides like a pro, while I’m still rather terrible.
“Coming,” Jessica says.
Her shoulders are hunched as she walks into the kitchen. I don’t know if she’s still suffering from withdrawals or if she’s not doing great mentally, but something is off. She said she wants to be there for Indie, not that she will.
Where is her fighting talk?
I sit at the kitchen table, where Indie passes me a tea.
Her eyes slide to her mum. “Spence is taking me out this evening.”
Jessica sits straighter. “Good, you two deserve a little fun.”
“Will you be okay, Mum?”
“Of course. It’ll be nice to have the place to myself for a while. You walk about worrying constantly.” She laughs and scratches her jaw. “You’ll give yourself a stomach ulcer if you keep that up. Go out. Forget everything for a while.” Indie opens her mouth, but her mum shakes her head. “I’m not saying you’re wrong to be concerned, darling. I’ve made things difficult for you, and I continue to do so.”
“That’s not true. You’re not making things hard anymore, Mum.”
Jessica tilts her head. “I’m not stupid. We both need a breather. I’m going have a long bath and watch something on TV. There are quite a few good shows on, you know?”
“You’ve done that a lot.”
“I’m not ready to go out. For now, I’m happy for this
