I’ve waited years to get to this point. I can wait a little longer for a house, an engagement, marriage, and even more.
“I appreciate the offer, and your parents are amazing, but this is my house. When it’s clean, I can stay here and focus on uni. I’m getting behind.”
“You’re not.”
“Yeah, I am. I’ve had time off to go to LA, when Dad died, detoxing Mum, and now her death. It’s too much, and I’ve lost focus. You really should call Denny and get that movie back.”
I catch her chin as she moves to turn away from me. If she’s telling me that she won’t have much time for me, I’m going to need her to look me in the eye and do it.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”
“Make what harder?”
“I need time to catch up. My degree is important, I have exams this year, and I’m not ready.”
“I’m not stopping you from making uni a priority. I’ll help you study for your exams.”
Blowing out a short breath, she shakes her head. “Spencer.”
“No. I don’t like where this is going. You don’t need to throw everything away because you’re a little behind.”
“It’s all too much. There’s a lot I’m dealing with. I feel like my head is going to explode. For a while, I need to focus on myself. I can’t be Spencer Lowe’s girlfriend.”
“Don’t say that,” I mutter, my heart dropping to the floor.
Her eyes well, and she grips the handle of the oven. “Everything is too much, Spence.”
Fuck, she’s trying to break up.
“I can help with that. Don’t shut me out.”
“It’s never going to be the way it was.”
“What does that even mean?” I hear the desperation in my own voice.
“I couldn’t be prouder of you, Spence. You’re an amazing actor and deserve the best. That’s not me. I’m not the one who can stand beside you while you rock the movie world. Right person, wrong time.”
I open my mouth, but what the fuck am I supposed to say? There’s nothing I can do about the media. Sure, I can protect our privacy as much as possible, but it’s not fool proof.
Things slip through the cracks. I can’t guarantee her anything.
“Indie, listen to me…”
“No, Spence, listen to me. I can’t do this.”
“You’re scared right now, and I understand that, but I wouldn’t get in the way of uni. I’m so proud of you for acing your course and striving for a career. Why are you really doing this? I want the truth.”
She opens her mouth, and I can tell from the frightened look in her eyes that she’s going to lie.
“Don’t,” I tell her before she has chance. “Let me take a guess. You blame me for your mum’s death.”
“I could never blame you for that. It wasn’t your fault.”
I know I’m going to regret asking this. “But…?”
Her face twists, like this conversation is physically hurting. It’s fucking killing me. “I can’t be in your world. It isn’t for me…”
“I can fix that. I’ll get Denny on it. Gagging orders, NDA’s, we’ll sue everyone until they leave us alone. Indie, give me a chance to make this right.”
“You can’t sue the whole world just for us.”
My pulse races with panic. “I’d do a lot worse than that to keep you. Please think about this for a second. There is no wrong time for us.”
“I’ve done nothing but think about this.” She tugs off the gloves and throws them into a bubbly bowl beside her.
I rub my forehead. “I’ll quit acting.”
“No. No way. Don’t even joke about that.” Her voice is laced with anger. How is that worse than us not being together? What the fuck is going on with her?
“If you can’t handle that life then we’ll create another one.”
“Not happening. You can’t… Spencer, acting is who you are. It’s in your blood, it’s what you need to do. We can’t be together if you give that up for me. That’s never happening.”
I would give it up for her in a heartbeat.
I curl my fingers into my palms. “Then what the fuck am I supposed to do here?”
Her shoulders slump as if there’s nothing left. “Nothing. We’re not ever going to work. I’m sorry.”
She whispers the last part and stands up, putting some distance between us.
I stay crouched on the floor, trying to remember how to function.
This can’t be the end.
My mind spins. In every scenario I’ve thought of with Indie, not once did it end with us not being together.
“I think you should go, Spencer.”
She walks out of the room, leaving me crouched down, shattered on the floor.
Fifty-Three
Indie
I’m hiding in my room, silently begging him not to come up here, but hoping with all my heart that he will.
What have you done?
I close my eyes and try to breathe through the unimaginable pain slicing through my chest.
His car engine rumbles to life, and I hear him pull off my drive.
Spencer Lowe.
Love of my life.
Gone.
How can we go back to being friends now? We can’t. There’s no way I could be around him knowing what his mouth feels like against mine. I’ll never feel the leap of my heart when he tells me he loves me.
All of it has gone.
Losing him is the worst pain I’ve ever felt.
The one person who loved me above everyone else.
What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just suck it up and accept the invasive life that I would have with him? Maybe I could learn to live with that.
It’s a big gamble. I’ve gone over and over it. Diving into a forever with Spencer and trying to ignore everything that’s posted about us… I’d rather we ended things loving each other than hating each other.
No, I’ve made the right
