He sighed heavily, and she was suddenly moving forward, stroking his arm with her hand. He reached up after a moment and wrapped his hand around hers, pulling it away. April was just beginning to feel foolish when he linked his fingers through hers, and pulled them to his mouth. Dropping a warm kiss on the back of her hand, he looked up at her.
‘We seem to be a pair of right miserable buggers tonight, don’t we?’ she quipped, trying to cut through the tension in her usual ham-fisted way. What she really wanted to know was what that cigarette would taste like on his lips. She’d been jealous of it, watching him smoke, and it wasn’t the nicotine she craved.
He chuckled, rubbing the scruff of his beard along her skin and kissing it again. Just once, a little peck that felt like a fireball to her nerves. He looked her over, and she felt his eyes wander from curve to curve. She shivered.
‘Ah, look at me would you, keeping you out in the cold.’ He walked them both back inside, not letting go of her hand as he passed her a bottle of white wine from the fridge and grabbed two glasses with his free hand. Going into the living room, he put the glasses down, taking her wine to sit with it, and didn’t let go of her till they were both sitting under the throw on the sofa.
‘Do you think I’ll be okay drinking that, given my alleged concussion?’ she said sarcastically as he passed her a full glass.
He shrugged. ‘You’re staying here anyway, right? It’ll be grand, I’m sure.’ He winked at her. ‘Just the one.’
‘Cillian, I don’t think I should be here to be honest. You have enough on, and I’m fine. Calamity Jane, that’s me.’
‘Humour me then,’ he said. ‘Stay over so I can be sure.’ His easy smile faded a little as he sat back, taking his glass with him. ‘I could do with the company to be honest. Orla won’t bother you in the morning, don’t worry.’
She sat back against the back of the sofa, taking a tentative sip. One little glass wouldn’t do her any harm, and to be honest, as odd as the arrangement was, she found that she didn’t really want to leave either. It felt homely here, and Cillian was different every time she saw him. She never knew which man she was going to get each time they met, but that was only serving to intrigue her more. She wanted to see how the pieces of him fit together, and which parts were missing. Like the parts missing of her. And Martha, it seemed. Maybe this place was a last chance saloon for the lonely-hearted, like Judith had said.
‘Orla wouldn’t bother me at all,’ she assured him. ‘I like her.’
Cillian’s eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at the thought of his daughter, but it faded before her eyes. The room seemed to darken as a result.
‘I have a lunchtime appointment tomorrow with a solicitor. I’m going for sole custody, properly, and they are going to keep her away from her mum. For now, at least. She can’t be around her; it’s not good for Orla. She came to nursery, made her cry. You hear about that?’
‘No, I didn’t.’ She wouldn’t have breathed a word of it if she did know. The thought of sweet little Orla and her pals being scared at nursery chilled her to the bone. ‘Is she okay?’
‘I don’t know in all honesty. She barely speaks when she’s out in public. She doesn’t eat well. Since she came here, she’s slept better though.’ His expression changed as something crossed his mind. ‘Did you leave the pink bear, in her room?’
April nodded sheepishly. ‘It was mine, from when I was younger. Albie will look after her.’
‘Albie?’ Cillian checked. ‘He’s called Pinky now. What kind of kid were you?’
April laughed, taking a deep pull on her wine as she felt herself relaxing.
‘I was the slightly pudgy kid who blended in as best she could,’ she admitted. ‘Albie was a great confidant to me over the years.’
‘Kids are horrible aren’t they sometimes. Orla had a bit of aggro from one of the other kids about her mum. Broke my heart in two.’ He held his hand over where his heart was on his chest.
‘They have their moments. Does Orla’s mum ask about her?’
‘No, she doesn’t, and that’s what makes it worse. She wants to come off as the injured party, but it’s not about her or me, or our car crash of a relationship. It’s about who came of it, but she’s never really understood that. She’s angry I suppose, maybe a little bit embarrassed.’
April could see that he was in turmoil, and she felt unqualified to comment. She didn’t know the toll of motherhood, and how it affected people differently. She had wanted to block out anyone pregnant within a five-mile radius at one point back in Yorkshire. She’d avoided events just in case the small talk descended to babies and school districts.
‘Maybe,’ she offered in response instead. She didn’t feel like she could comment on anyone’s past. She was still hiding from hers, even now. ‘It must be hard.’
Cillian was saved from answering by a knock on the door.
‘Food’s here,’ he said softly, looking at her intently before getting up. ‘Get the plates?’
***
The sounds of the sea could be heard faintly in the chalet as Cillian lay on the sofa, trying and failing to get some sleep. He was keeping an ear open for Orla, but she hadn’t so much as stirred the whole night. She was more settled here, the best she’d been for a while,
