He raised a hand to cut her off and shook his head.
‘I wasn’t just asking about the beach, and you know it. It’s okay, no problem.’ He looked at the food left on his plate and pushed it away, pulling some notes from his wallet. April went to object, but he picked the tab up at the counter, paying while she gathered her things together. And her errant thoughts. She felt as though she was spinning like a top.
‘Cillian?’ she tried as they left the restaurant, seeing his head down and stance determined. He would give Mo Farah a run for his money, he was heading to the van with such determination. ‘Can you wait, just for a minute?’
‘No!’ he shouted, turning back to her. ‘I can’t!’ April looked behind her into the restaurant windows, but no one was watching them. Tina was nowhere to be seen, thankfully. She didn’t know what this was, but it was not something that she wanted Tina to be a front-row viewer for. ‘I don’t get you, April.’
Well, that felt like a slap to the face with a wet fish. A ten-ton wet fish, to be exact. Hearing those words from a man who she had been spending so much time with felt like the ultimate blow.
‘What? What don’t you get?’
He was still walking away, her following just behind while they stomped to the van. Once they both got inside, Cillian took the ticket off the dashboard and passed it to an elderly couple who were just coming into the car park.
‘It’s got a good hour left on it,’ he said and the couple thanked him, the woman nodding to April as though to acknowledge her gratitude to her partner. This was just it, this is what they would get all the time. Imagine if Orla was there? He waved them off, leaving the car park and heading in the opposite direction to the chalet park.
‘Cill, I have to get back. What about Martha?’
‘Judith and Henry are stepping in at the park. I texted them from the gallery.’ She looked across at him in disbelief. ‘Martha has my number.’
‘Why would you do that?’ she asked crossly. It was her park; she should sort the staffing out. Pig-headed man. ‘I do need to be there.’
‘Tough,’ he countered, and she fell silent. There was no speaking to him when he was this way. His temper could give hers a run for its money, but she didn’t feel threatened. She felt quite angry herself, truth be told. ‘We won’t be long and they know what they’re doing.’ April couldn’t argue against this; she knew that her neighbours were more than capable. Between them they had houses, thriving small businesses, and enough animals to fill an ark. They could handle an afternoon on the reception desk between them. The chalet park was a relaxed place to unplug and that’s what people did when they arrived. They didn’t ask for much, and April had tweaked the business to fit the guests she had attracted. Her livelihood would be fine. Turning off into a side road, Cillian pulled up in front of a small neat block of flats. It wasn’t as nice as Lizard Point, or even as nice as the buildings that ran next to it. It looked dull, a little unkempt. Boxy.
‘When Orla came, we were all living here.’ He looked up at the flats as though he had a bad taste in his mouth. ‘It was just supposed to be a stopgap, till we saved enough to buy somewhere. I’d been saving since I arrived over here, and Tina was working. She stopped when Orla was born. The childcare just didn’t make her wage worth having, and I was happier to be honest.’
He looked across at April, who was looking straight at the flats, her hands clasped tight across her lap. ‘Do you want to hear this?’ he asked her, a little softer now. His anger seemed to be dissipating.
‘Yes,’ she replied. She did want to hear this. Even in those late, whispered conversations, he’d never really opened up about when his family were together and just starting out.
‘We didn’t get on, Tina and I. Orla coming was a … surprise. She hated being pregnant, and with money being tight, she didn’t like staying home waiting for me.’ He looked back up at the flats, one window holding his gaze. ‘I started working away, and I thought we would be okay.’ His voice broke a little, but he kept going. ‘I kept calling, sending money, but things weren’t right. Orla looked sad or wasn’t there at all half the time when I called. I asked Paddy to check on them, but he couldn’t get an answer.’
Even though April knew that Orla was fine, and happy now, her heart raced as he told his story. He didn’t look at her once, and she knew he was trying to keep it together. He was trying to make her see his truth, but he didn’t know hers yet. This was pointless; it wouldn’t change a thing. It would just make it worse. He was pouring his heart out, but it wouldn’t stop what was about to happen.
‘What did you do?’ she asked, putting her hand on his leg when she couldn’t resist it for another moment. He covered it with his immediately, giving it a little squeeze and bringing it up to his lips to drop a kiss on each finger.
‘I went home. I was working away in London, on a huge site. I just got the next train home, and spent the rest of the journey trying to get hold of Tina. Her phone was on silent or something – it just rang out and rang out.’
He looked back up to the window, seeing something there that April’s eyes could never register.
‘When I got home, I couldn’t
