Ty: So he came to you, then?
Zane: I have such an inappropriate response to what Ty just said.
Ty: Why else would I type it? I was baiting you, and you didn’t even take it! Being an adult has changed you, bro.
Me: As much fun as it was to scare Will shitless, I rode a horse named Will with Bronte today. And I didn’t die!
Will: Bummer.
Me: I’m flipping you off with both hands right now.
Will: I knew I felt some negative energy somewhere… :)
Me: Do you even know how hard it was to get on that thing?
Zane: Gotta be hard to be good… just sayin’.
Will: Oh shit. You hate horses! You cried at the fair when we were sixteen!
Me: Awesome, bring up my trauma.
Ty: I bought you a pretzel to make you feel better.
Trevor: Wait, didn’t you end up in the hospital?
I sighed and typed back, but before I could send, Demetri and Alec both chimed in.
Alec: This may be my favorite text exchange ever. Do tell how he ended up in the hospital after eating a pretzel, and you do know that horses are gentle creatures, right?
Demetri: It’s like I finally discovered I wasn’t alone in the world…
Me: Settle down, bird-hater. This is way different. Birds are small. Horses are big. And instead of hiding in a damn trashcan or shitting myself, I got on the beast and rode it like a fucking knight of the Round Table.
Braden had been added to the conversation…
Braden: I’m so glad I was added so I can send this…
He attached a picture of me clutching the reins without Bronte, riding, pale as a ghost, with the most awkward look on my face.
Demetri: Bro, that’s more white, puny, scared knight than Round Table, just in case you weren’t aware.
Will: Saving this picture…
Alec: Can we go back to the pretzel?
Trevor: He’s allergic to peanut butter, and it was next to one of the peanut butter cookies with peanut butter frosting. Got all over the pretzel. He shoved it in his mouth because, according to young Drew, pretzels are the shit. His face puffed up so bad he looked like a balloon.
Will: I, too, saved that picture.
Me: Don’t make me send you. The. Picture.
Will: Send it, and I will CHOKE YOU!
Ty: Send it, send it, send it.
Braden: What picture?
I clicked send and grinned.
It was the picture of Will with his zit on the Thermos in all his glory.
Zane: Can I just say I love our group chats? I’m adding in Jaymeson.
Jaymeson was added to this conversation.
Jaymeson: THE HELL would you add me to this insane group after I begged to be taken off last time? Oh shit, is that the Thermos picture? LOL LOL LOL nevermind, proceed.
Zane: See? You’re welcome, world!
Will: WHY DOES THIS STILL EXIST IN THE UNIVERSE??
Me: The internet doesn’t forget.
Trevor: So… now that we have you, when are you coming in to the studio?
I shifted on my feet and texted back.
Me: I’ll come in tonight or tomorrow night, depends on a few things…
Alec: A few things?
Demetri: Dude, what could possibly keep you from recording? It’s Seaside.
Me: Calm your bird feathers.
Alec: Last time you told him that he puked.
Demetri: Lie.
Braden: He means my mom. Once he figures stuff out with my mom — BTW, this is me not asking questions because I gave you my word and because in the other pictures, she looks the happiest I’ve seen her, but I’m mentally cleaning my guns.
Zane: BACK THE HELL UP.
Alec: WHAT?
Demetri: BRB. Grabbing popcorn.
Will: What don’t we know?
Ty: Hahahaha. Braden’s mom has got it going on.
Braden: Killing Ty first.
Jaymeson: That’s some serious game, going after Braden’s mom. It’s also ridiculously stupid, so why am I not surprised? It’s Drew. The universe, it seems, planned this.
Braden: Long story short, we wanted to go on a quick honeymoon since the tour starts up again in two weeks. My mom has NEVER spent her birthday and anniversary alone, and while she and Amelia are close, it’s always been me who does everything, and well, somehow — and I wasn’t even inebriated, so who knows? — I agreed to let Drew help my mom find her groove. She’s been lonely. He’s had a stupid crush on her since meeting her when he signed me, and because I love her THAT much and see the way she looks at him, I said yes. I regret it every second of every day.
Me: Wait, wait, wait, how does she look at me?
Ty: OMG, Drew, do you think that she maybe likes you?
Zane: Bro, I can write her a note. Let me just grab my college-lined paper and a number two pencil. BRB.
Jaymeson: This has disaster written all over it: Can I have movie rights?
Alec: I would watch this movie.
Demetri: Disaster Movie, produced and directed by Jamie Jaymeson. The true story of how a washed-up rockstar falls in love with his protégé’s mom and ends up tragically killed by the protégé as he seeks his revenge after hot mom’s heart breaks.
I was suddenly extremely uncomfortable with this conversation.
Me: Guys, I promised Braden no details. Stop giving me shit. I like her, okay?
Trevor: Like, like like her? Or just sort of like her?
Me: FU
Will: I think it’s good.
I nearly choked on my spit.
Me: Uh… I literally don’t know how to respond to that. Are you being serious or sarcastic?
Will: I’m serious. She’d be good for Drew. She’s hot — No offense, Braden — and we’re all the same ages or close to it. It’s not like she’s a cougar. She just got started early on kids.
Braden: Not by choice, man. My dad’s a piece of work.
Me: My turn to kill someone.
Braden: I got dibs.
Me: Fair. I’ll be your second.
Jaymeson: Are you guys dueling or killing?
Demetri: I just imagined Jaymeson saying that in his British accent, and it made me laugh.
Alec: Oh, did you? LOL.
Demetri: Shut it.
Zane: As much as I tease, I think I agree with Will on this one. They would look good together and Drew, at least, now that
