“Did you want to leave space in there for me to answer?” she asked with that same amused look.
“Yes. Sorry. Go ahead.”
Her brow furrowed as she appeared to consider his question. “I’m not married, I suppose, because I haven’t found someone I wanted to marry. Or, if I’m honest, anyone who wanted to marry me.”
“That can’t possibly be true,” he said.
She laughed, though he thought there was a hollow sound to it.
“You might be surprised. Don’t you remember I told you about my reputation as a man-hungry flirt? My mother used to call me Starry-eyed Sam because I have a terrible tendency to fall in love with regularity.”
His heart ached at the thread of loneliness he thought he heard in her voice and Ian decided he was beginning to heartily dislike her mother.
“There’s nothing wrong with falling in love.”
“I agree. When it’s real, love can be a beautiful thing. You said it yourself, I’m a romantic. I have enough friends who have found their perfect person for me to know the real deal when I see it. Josh and Gemma, for example, or my best friend, Katrina, and her husband, Bowie. I haven’t found that yet...and that’s okay with me right now.”
THIS LINE OF questioning left Samantha feeling exposed, vulnerable.
Not very long ago, finding her soul mate seemed like the ultimate aim of her life. As each of her friends seemed to be finding her happy-ever-after, Sam had been ridiculously eager for her own.
When she should have been trying to figure out who she was and what she wanted out of life, she had been worried if she was wearing the right kind of eye makeup, if her hair was perfect, if she was on the right dating sites or dressing the right way or asking the right questions.
Her mother’s death had changed her somehow, given her an entirely new perspective on herself and on the life she wanted to create.
Instead of trying to find the perfect man who would make her life complete, she should have been trying to make out of her life what she wanted and needed so that she could look for a good man who might add to it.
She knew why the men she had dated hadn’t stuck around. She had been obsessed with perfection, with becoming exactly who they wanted her to be instead of being herself and finding out if they were willing to take a chance on Samantha Fremont, warts and all.
“What about you?” she asked. “It’s been a year since Susan died. Will you start dating again?”
“I made a mess of things the first time around, didn’t I?” He gestured ahead to the children. “Anyway, they’re my priority now. They have to be, as I’m all they have. The children are still dealing with their mother’s death and...other changes in our life. I can’t complicate things by starting a new relationship.”
“There you go. We’re both in the same boat. Good thing you’re leaving in a few weeks.” She smiled, trying for a lighthearted tone.
“Isn’t it?” he murmured, though she thought his tone said something entirely different.
She was relieved when the children paused on the trail, waiting for them to catch up.
“Dad, I’m hungry,” Thomas called before they could reach them. “Did you bring any snacks?”
“I’ve got some granola bars in my pack,” Samantha offered quickly. “Will that do?”
“That sounds delicious,” Thomas said.
She dug in her bag until she found what she was after, then handed one to him and to Amelia. “There’s one left,” she said to Ian. “Would you like it?”
“I can split it in half.”
He did so, offering Samantha the larger half, she couldn’t help but notice. They both chewed as they continued walking the trail. Ian seemed to be lost in thought. She had to hope he wasn’t wondering about the revelations she had spilled out, like water gushing from the Hell’s Fury Dam.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” Ian said a moment later. “I shouldn’t have asked such an intrusive question and started us on that topic. It really was unconscionably rude of me to pry.”
She swallowed the last bite of her granola bar, already feeling a little less hangry. “I didn’t consider it rude. I’m just embarrassed when I look back at my journey and the person I used to be. I want to think I’ve gained a new perspective over the past few months. I hope so, anyway. I’m only sorry it took me so long.”
“You said the other day that your mother was difficult. In what way?”
She gazed out at the landscape, wondering if it was disloyal to tell him the hard, uncomfortable truths she had finally acknowledged to herself since Linda died. No. She couldn’t believe it was. Ian didn’t know her mother and he never would.
“You have to understand that I loved my mother very much. She was a tremendously hard worker and also fiercely loyal to Haven Point and the people who live here.” She paused, trying to find the right words. “But she could also be critical and overbearing. I’m only now beginning to realize how I let her strong personality dominate mine. For the first time in my life, I’m making my own decisions based on my needs and desires. I’m not only acting in ways that are expected of me. It’s empowering and terrifying at the same time.”
“Why terrifying?”
“When things go wrong, I have no one else but myself to blame. That can be hard. Look at Betsey. My mother would never allow a dog in our home, even after I was an adult. She said they were too much bother, messy to clean up after and a nuisance to have around. The first chance I got, I pick up a random dog a couple of strangers were selling outside the supermarket. Who does that without checking first to make sure the dog is not expecting puppies?”
He smiled. “It hasn’t been all bad.”
She couldn’t
