“Saw a good film yesterday evening on the TV, with that actor, you know, the one who’s blondish, his name’s on the tip of my tongue . . . ”
“And we can’t make spelling mistakes on the death notices, either, there’ll always be someone who is called Kristof with a K, or Chrystine with a Y.”
“What time does Bricomarché close? I’ve got to go and get a part for the lawnmower.”
“And it’s all about the relations with the deceased. Between the husband and the wife, the children and the parents, in short, it’s about dealing with the human.”
“Hey, I ran into that little lady, what’s she called . . . Madame Degrange, her husband worked for Toutagri.”
“Gaston, watch out, you’re spilling coffee everywhere.”
“And we have to take care of the religious questions, and the whole emotional aspect.”
“There’s the hairdresser, too, that Jeannot, he told me he’s had health worries with his wife.”
“Paradoxically, very few people are in tears when they come through our door, they’re just thinking coffin, church, cemetery.”
“And you, dear old Eliane, what do you think? Are you after a bit of cake, or a stroke?”
“And when we talk to them about selecting music, readings, about what you can do, in homage, in memory, because there’s plenty you can do, they do give us pretty free rein.”
“It’s been a while now that we haven’t seen Violette’s detective.”
“Personally, I always find it strange when people come to thank me and say, ‘It was really beautiful.’ We are talking about a funeral, after all.”
“Personally, I reckon he’s got the hots for her, have you seen how he looks at our Violette?”
“People have been buried for five thousand years, but the market’s very recent. What we’re doing is ridding the trade of its cobwebs.”
“Yesterday evening, Odile made us caramelized chicken.”
“Our funeral rites have changed. Before, everyone systematically went to put flowers on graves on All Saints’ Day, but now people no longer live where their parents and grandparents live.”
“I do wonder who on earth we’re going to have as our next president . . . As long as it isn’t the blonde.”
“Nowadays, the management of memory is different: the dead are burnt. Customs change, the financial costs do, too; people organize their own funerals.”
“It comes to the same thing. Left, Right, all they think about is lining their own pockets . . . All that matters is what we’ve got left in our wallets at the end of the month, and that, that will never change for the likes of us.”
“Do you realize that in 2040, twenty-five percent of French people will organize their own funerals?”
“I disagree, never forget that they’re the ones who vote the laws in.”
“But that, that depends on the family, there are families that don’t talk about death. It’s like sex, it’s taboo.”
“But for you, Father, it amounts to the same thing.”
“We’re death’s representatives on Earth. So to other people, we’re bound to be sad.”
“A nice, warm goat-cheese salad, with pine nuts and a drizzle of honey.”
“You say ‘funeral chamber’ if it’s private, and ‘mortuary chamber’ if it’s public.”
“For me, that’s it, I’ve got the barbecue out again.”
“Cleansing, dressing, complete preservation care. The law doesn’t impose that yet, but it shouldn’t be long, for reasons of hygiene.”
“And a new shop’s opening there, instead of Carnat’s. A bakery, I believe.”
“Proposed law: keeping the deceased in the home is no longer permitted.”
“And all the fuses blew yesterday evening, I think it’s the washing machine that’s acting up and short-circuiting everything.”
“I say that there’s a place for the living and one for the dead. When you keep a dead person in the house, you risk not being able to mourn properly.”
“She sure has a great figure. I’d have her in my bed, wouldn’t be sleeping in the bath.”
“For me, there’s just one rule: to follow your heart.”
“You going away on a little holiday this summer?”
“When I started, I told myself: I will not do expensive coffins for cremations. A rookie mistake. My father told me, ‘Why, you think there’s more point three meters under the ground? A family wanting to pay a fortune for a coffin that’s heading for the flames, of course it’s irrational, but you can’t stop them from choosing an outrageously expensive coffin. You know nothing about people’s lives, it’s not for you to decide.’”
“Me, I say retirement is the beginning of the end.”
“Over time, as I’ve dealt with more families, I realize that our father was right . . . There are many people who want to spend astronomical sums on the coffin, for what reason? I don’t know . . . ”
“We’re going to Brittany, to the brother-in-law’s.”
“It’s the guys from the council who are organizing it, it’ll be early July. I, for one, really like fishing, I bother no one, apart from the fish, and even then, I chuck ’em back in the river.”
“We have six days to bury someone, that’s the law.”
“He gives piano lessons. Been around for at least three years now. A tall fellow, always dressed like he’s on TV.”
“We’re not permitted to split up ashes because, in the eyes of the law, they’re a body.”
“A little onion, and then you cook the mushrooms in the cream, delicious.”
“Scattering ashes in the sea, you only see that at the cinema. The boat rocks, it’s windy, and the ashes rise to the surface. The truth is, ashes must be thrown, in a biodegradable urn, about a kilometer from the coastline.”
“So, how many kids still come to catechism, Father? Can’t be a ton of them.”
“With funerary contracts, people no longer want to spend thousands of euros on a family vault when their children live in Lyons or Marseilles. Lots of people say to us, ‘We weren’t keen on cremation, but after thinking about it, we prefer our children to benefit from the money while we’re alive.’ I tell them they’re absolutely right.”
“I have three weddings scheduled for July, and two for August.”
“It’s still a bit weird, organizing your own funeral. Seeing your name on a tombstone when you’re not yet in the box.”
“What I said to the mayor was, when it comes to roads with that
