And me? Would he have defended me? Would he have found mitigating circumstances for me on the day that I dumped him?
How long had he waited for me at the wheel of his car? When had he finally set off? At what moment had he realized that I wouldn’t be coming back?
Tears started rolling down my cheeks. Against my will.
Paul switched off the television.
I collapsed in front of the black screen.
My son and husband thought it was due to the pain. They called the family doctor, who inspected my burns and said they were superficial.
I didn’t sleep all night.
Seeing Gabriel again, hearing his voice again, I realized that I had missed him too much.
* * *
The following morning, Irène looked up the phone number of Gabriel’s office. It was still in Saône-et-Loire, in Mâcon. She asked for an appointment with him, was told that she would have to wait several months, that Mr. Prudent’s schedule was very full, but it would be quicker with one of his two associates. Irène said she had the time, she would wait for Mr. Prudent. She left her name and phone number—not the home one, the rose nursery one. She was asked which case it was about, there was an awkward silence, and then Irène replied, “A case Mr. Prudent already knows about.” She was given a date, she would have to wait three months.
Gabriel rang her two days later, at the rose nursery. That morning, Irène was just raising the shutters when the phone rang. She thought it must be a flower order and ran to answer it, out of breath. She had already grabbed her order form and a pen, its lid chewed by her employee. He said, “It’s me.” And she said, “Hello.”
“You called my office?”
“Yes.”
“I’m in court all week in Sedan. Want to come?”
“Yes.”
“See you later.”
And he hung up.
On her order form, Irène had scribbled “Sedan” in the “Message from sender” box.
One thousand two hundred kilometers to cover. She would have to travel the length of France. In a long, straight line.
She left Marseilles at around 10 A.M., took several connecting trains. At Lyon-Perrache station, she powdered her face and dabbed some gloss on her lips using the mirror in the restroom. It was April, she was wearing a beige raincoat. That made her smile. She gathered her blond hair into a black elastic band. She bought a sandwich, a toothbrush, and some lemon-flavored toothpaste.
She arrived in Sedan at around 9 P.M. She got in a taxi and asked the driver to drop her off outside the court. She knew she would find Gabriel in the nearest café or restaurant. Irène knew that Gabriel wasn’t the sort to return early to his hotel. He worked on his files on the corner of a table. Between a glass of beer and a plate of fries. Between a glass of wine and the daily special. Gabriel needed to feel life all around him. He hated the silence of hotel rooms, the bedcovers, the curtains, the TV switched on just for a presence.
She caught sight of him through a window, sitting at a table with three other men. Gabriel was talking and smoking at the same time. They had stained the tablecloth, and undone their top buttons. Their ties hung on the armrests of their chairs.
When he saw her come in, Gabriel raised a hand and called out to her:
“Irène! Come and join us!”
He said it to her as if she just happened to be passing by on her way home.
Irène greeted the three other men.
“Let me introduce you to three of my colleagues, Laurent, Jean-Yves, and David. Gentlemen, let me introduce you to Irène, the love of my life.”
The men smiled. As if Gabriel were joking. As if Gabriel could only say such a thing as a joke. As if there were many loves of his life in his life.
“Sit down. Are you hungry? Yes, you must eat. Mademoiselle Audrey, the menu, please! What will you have to drink? Tea? No way, one doesn’t drink tea in Sedan! Mademoiselle Audrey, another bottle of this, please! A Volnay 1982, you’re going to see . . . or rather, drink a marvel. Come and sit beside me.”
One of Gabriel’s colleagues got up to make room for her. Gabriel took Irène’s hand and kissed it with his eyes closed. Irène saw that he was wearing a wedding ring. A white-gold band.
“I’m pleased you’re here.”
Irène ordered fish and listened to the conversation from afar. She felt like a groupie who has crossed the country to spend the evening with a rock star, who’s in no hurry to be alone with her because it’s a foregone conclusion. The night of love owed him after the concert.
Irène felt like disappearing. She regretted coming. She wondered how she could get up, find an emergency exit, a door at the back, to run to the station and return home, slip between her clean, aloe vera-scented sheets. Discreetly, she asked the waitress for a green tea. From time to time, Gabriel returned to her, asked her if all was well, if she wasn’t cold, thirsty, hungry.
Gabriel and the men finally rose, as one, from the table. Gabriel went to the bar to settle the bill. Irène followed on, in silence.
Outside, it started to rain. Or maybe it had been raining for ages, Irène hadn’t noticed. She felt increasingly uncomfortable. She thought about how she had brought nothing with her. Just her handbag, a few banknotes, and a checkbook. She thought that she was crazy and all this wasn’t like her. She who was usually so sensible. She felt pathetic, like a cheap groupie.
Gabriel borrowed an umbrella from the restaurant, saying he would return it the following day. He took Irène by the arm and followed close behind the other three. They walked in the same direction. Gabriel gripped her arm very tightly.
In the lobby of the Hôtel des Ardennes, they all picked up their keys at reception, all
