Walking backward away from me, he threw his hand up in a casual wave but something guarded entered his eyes again. “Yeah, I will. You too. See you, babe.”
With a last flash of one of his dimples, he spun around and walked back in the direction of the boat. Warmth and joy after the day we’d had warred with worry in my chest.
Those predictions I’d made back when I’d first met him about how I could fall for him felt way too close to becoming true. I wasn’t quite there yet, but I couldn’t deny my feelings for the man were definitely deepening.
What that would mean for me, I didn’t yet know, considering how closed off he was and how much he hated my father. But it felt like we were right on the precipice of something. The only question that remained was whether he was there with me or whether he was loitering several miles behind and I was about to go tumbling headfirst all by myself.
Chapter 25
Lincoln
A soldier dressed in full uniform guarded the entrance to the hospital on the base. His brows furrowed when he saw me approaching, and he put up his hand to stop me.
“I’m sorry, Dobbs. You’re not allowed on the base.” I hadn’t recognized him at first, but now that I was closer, I realized I knew him. “We’re under strict orders.”
A headache was building at the base of my skull, but it wasn’t Jackson’s fault. He was only trying to do his job. A part of me wanted to knock him out for delaying me when all I wanted was to check on Eden, though.
“I thought you might be,” I admitted, showing him my palms. “Look, I just want to see him. I’m not here to cause you or anybody else any trouble.”
Understanding loosened his jaw. His posture relaxed, but he still shook his head. “I’m sorry, bud. They warned us you might show up. It sucks about Eden.”
My teeth ground together as I fought to keep my cool. “He’ll pull through. You really not going to let me in?”
Jackson sighed heavily, then stepped aside. The kid was a few years younger than me, but we’d been on a mission or two together before. He knew Eden, too.
He straightened up as a convoy of vehicles drove through the gates, then turned back to me once they had passed. “I respect you, Linc. I know what they’re saying about this being your fault isn’t true.”
“That’s what they’re saying, huh?” I’d expected it, knew that’d be the narrative, but I couldn’t pretend that hearing it confirmed didn’t piss me the hell off.
Then again, my fuse was mighty short these days. Only Sofia seemed to have a calming effect on me, but even with her, I felt the darkness and uncertainty about my future creeping in at times.
Becoming a SEAL had been the right move for me. It still was. Others not having spines or balls to do what they were supposed to do was hardly my fault.
And that last raid. Eden might be in the hospital, but six other men were back home safe and sound. As were those motherfucking hostages from our previous mission.
Bureaucracy was going to end my career and cost one hell of a lot of people their lives once they managed to oust me. All because I followed my own damn head.
We’d lost a few people on missions but never as a result of my actions. Hopefully, those who had worked with me would remember that, with all these bullshit rumors spreading on the base.
Jackson’s brown eyes looked right into mine. “That is what they’re saying, but everyone knows it’s bullshit. We know there’s an ongoing investigation. You’re going to be cleared, Linc. You have to be.”
I shrugged, letting my focus shift from him to the boring block of a building behind him. “I should be, but I don’t know that I will. In the meantime, I just really want to see Eden.”
“Okay,” he said suddenly. “I was going to let you in before that last convoy came through anyway. But listen, Lincoln. I can only give you a pass if I didn’t see you here.”
“I was never here,” I agreed, nodding at him and clapping him on the shoulder as I passed. “Thanks, Jackson. I won’t forget this.”
“I’d rather you would,” the kid murmured, but I didn’t reply. I understood his concerns, and I doubted it’d be the last time I was confronted with them, but I really wasn’t looking to get anyone in trouble.
No way would I ever admit it to him, being the one that let me onto the base, but I owed the kid big time. If he hadn’t let me pass, neither of us would have liked the measures I might have resorted to.
To be fair, I probably wouldn’t have resorted to violence today. Knocking the guard out was likely to have been something I might have tried later down the line. I wasn’t a psychopath.
While I could stand my ground in any fight, it wasn’t like I liked fighting. Bloodlust wasn’t some part of my genetic makeup. Just because I didn’t mind a little blood didn’t mean I enjoyed spilling it. Especially not if the guy was on my own damn team.
But there was nothing I wouldn’t have done to get to Eden. Lord only knew he’d have blown up the damn security booth to get to me if I was confined to that bed.
I walked up the path, tilting my head back to look at the flags proudly flying high in front of the hospital. My mind was a fucking mess.
Sofia had kept these demons at bay while she’d been with me, but they’d been rattling at their cage to get out ever since she’d left after our excursion on the boat. A maelstrom of thoughts flew around inside my skull as I tried to puzzle together what had landed me here.
The mission with the hostages was one thing. I’d acted
