“I’ll figure something out,” she says, shifting on her barstool.
I’m playing with fire, knowing damn well this girl wants to settle down. She doesn’t want to wind up with me, I know that much. But I’ll play along.
This is all for fun. I just need to remember that. It’s just a drunken deal; it probably won’t even happen.
Grace
I want you to knock me up.
I could feel the words on the tip of my tongue when I was making a deal with Charlie, even though I know that’s not realistic and sounds absolutely insane.
It’s not an even trade.
A baby isn’t a decision to make in a bar with a kind-of-friend.
I have officially lost my mind.
I’ll figure out how I’m going to deal with my… issues. But for now, I’m focusing on the positive. I have a date… sort of. It’s just pretend but… yeah, I’m going to treat it like a date because dammit I want a nice date and a refresher on exactly how to date.
As I drive home from Mac's, I can’t help the smile that lights up my face. It’s silly, I know. The very idea of Charlie going on a date with me is laughable. I get that.
But I still let my imagination run wild as I drive back into the city.
Fantasies about Charlie picking me up for the wedding run through my head and I just laugh it off. I’d wear a pretty pale blue dress, lacy but not scandalous, and dark blue heels. A giddy squeal leaves me when I imagine opening the front door to my apartment, and he takes a moment to look at me. Really look at me, and drink me in.
Standing there in his wedding tux, I assume… since he’s probably a groomsman, he looks fucking dashing. In the fantasy, I bite my lip and look downward, trying not to show him all the emotions just beneath the surface.
He whistles, long and low. My eyes drift up, catching his.
“Damn, you are the kind of girl I’d like to date,” he says. “As a matter of fact, I think you’d look even better if you were carrying my child…”
I can’t help but laugh out loud in my car as I pull into my parking spot. My reverie fizzles away, gone like smoke. How ridiculous!
Okay, so the real Charlie definitely wouldn’t say that and that’s not how this is going to go down, but I’d rather think of that than my nearly-forgotten, crap date from tonight. My cheeks hurt from smiling as I turn the car off and shake my head. I need to get my head on straight, because going to Charlie’s sister’s wedding isn’t even a real date. I’m probably not even on his radar, for God’s sake. It’s just meaningless flirting. For all I know, he’s not actually going to go through with this plan.
Yeah it’s definitely not going to happen and that’s just fine. It’s fun to daydream though. So long as my silly little heart keeps itself in check. Charlie is a friend and nothing else.
Sighing as I get out of my car, I lock up the idea at the same time as I lock up my car and then climb the two flights of stairs to my apartment. Only on the tenth stair do I feel the weight of the drinks I’ve had. I’m not too tipsy but I am more tired than I realized. I usually don’t stay out this long, but tonight, I didn’t want to leave.
It’s quiet out tonight, the city lulled to sleep by a long day of constant rushing.
The breeze feels nice tonight too. The keys jingle as I toss them in the bowl on the front entry table next to my purse.
Illuminating my tiny studio with a flick of the switch, I take it all in with new eyes, as Charlie would see it for the first time. Once upon a time, I found the fact that my bed overlooks the fire escape romantic. I used to like the way that my kitchen is just a small bar, with a mini fridge and stove.
I used to be charmed by the tiny bathroom, painted in a soft shade of purple with retro white tile. Back when I found this place, I was glad that I had something in the big city that I could call my own.
The mattress groans as I sit down on the frilly white bed and take my shoes off. I kick them over to the wall where I have my ‘closet,’ i.e. a hanging rack jammed full and ready to tip over. I rub the sleep from my eyes and then take a good look around at the space I spent so much time making mine.
I know I have to move soon. I’ve lived here for almost four years, and it was great in college and the couple of years after. But now I have a real job and I’m doing well, so…
I need to seriously think about moving.
The weight of the day hits me as I undress and then crawl into bed, wondering where I should move to. Climbing under the comforter the answer is obvious to me and the neighborhood around Mac's flashes in my mind. There are plenty of cute houses for rent in Vinings.
A blush flames my cheeks when I realize that
