I’ve changed so much, so drastically, and it’s scary.
But just as scary as it is, there’s a part of me that loves how Crash looks at me during that meeting — the surprise and the lust that he can’t hide behind his icy blue eyes.
It’s Crash that has brought out this ferocious side of me. It’s his fierceness, his loyalty to his family, his willingness to sacrifice anything — even that woman, Rosa, he talked about — out of dedication to his MC.
I am so conflicted. So torn. I know that rescuing my friend — the ‘job’ as Crash would so coldly say — requires sacrifices, but what is life going to be like after? Will Kendra look at me differently, knowing everything that’s happened? Will she still be comfortable letting me spend time around Josie, knowing I’m a murderer? Will I even be able to stay in Carbon Ridge? I feel like I’m trapped — no matter what I do, whether or not I save my friend, my life here that I’ve worked so hard to build could be over.
“You want to get out of here?”
Crash’s voice makes me start. He’s sitting beside me, watching me, a worried look on his face.
“How long have you been there?”
“A while. You look like you have a lot on your mind. Come on, let’s go for a ride.”
Still lost in my head, I follow him outside and we get on his bike. Even as dazed as I am, a thrill still runs through me as he starts his bike and I feel the steel machine rumble between my legs. Putting my arms around his waist, I hold tight, pressing myself to him as he takes us out of the parking lot and down the innumerable winding roads around Carbon Ridge.
I lose track of time in the most blissful way as we speed through the mountains, driving aimlessly while the wintry wind whips my face with the scent of pine and that perfectly indescribable fresh smell of melting snow. Even my dark thoughts get left behind as we soar on two wheels, exploring every bit of pavement between Carbon Ridge and Aspen.
It’s perfect. It soothes my heart and quiets my mind.
And, after a while, we return to Carbon Ridge and he parks us on the street in front of a small cafe called the Dairy Freeze.
“Why here?” I say as he hops off, and holds out his hand to help me dismount.
“Ice cream,” he answers.
“It’s forty degrees out.”
“Doesn’t matter. Ice cream always helps.”
In a minute, we’re in and out of the Dairy Freeze, with cones in hand — chocolate for me, mint chip for him — and walking down the cobbled sidewalks of downtown Carbon Ridge.
There’s no one out but us, because it’s late in the afternoon, the hour when most people in this small town are sitting down to dinner with their families, and it also is growing colder by the minute.
“You want to talk?” He says.
There’s a small dot of mint chip on his nose. Even with a heart heavy with dark thoughts, I can’t help but smile at the sight.
Then I sigh.
“I realized a few things today.”
“Yeah?”
I take a lick of my ice cream. It’s cold out, but Crash is right: ice cream is still ice cream, and there are few problems it can’t help with, including how to tell the biker who has upended your whole life exactly how you feel about him.
“I realized that I might be in love with you.”
He nods. For a long time he’s quiet, and I don’t speak up, because the last thing I want to do is push him for a response after dropping an emotional bomb on him like that. Who knows how a guy like him might react to hearing those words? Especially someone like him, someone who makes it a point to always emphasize how important this business is to him.
But he’s quiet so long that I get jittery. Maybe I already was jittery, I am planning on going on some crazy attack mission to rescue my best friend; I am loaded up on sugar from this ice cream, and I did just spend a couple hours riding a motorcycle at breakneck speeds.
So I open my mouth again.
“I know it’s scary to hear that. There’s a lot about it that doesn’t make sense. I mean, you’re not my usual type, there’s so much craziness going on in my life right now, and I came to Carbon Ridge and started this bar because I wanted a quiet life where I could build something to be proud of with my friend — so why would I be falling for a biker from out of town who lives a life that is anything but safe and quiet? But I am. When I see the side of you that you keep hidden — the side that’s so good with Josie, the side of you that makes me feel warm and comforted when I need to talk — I can’t help fall in love with that part of you; and the other side of you — the scary, cold side of you that you keep on the outside — that side makes me feel safe. It is frightening as hell, it doesn’t make any sense to me, but I do love you, Crash.”
More quiet. My cheeks feel red, and it has nothing to do with the cold.
I should’ve known better than to open up to a man like him. He’s fought so hard against feeling love for so long, what makes me think he’ll suddenly change this
