“I am so sorry.”
There is only compassion in her voice. No judgment. No expectations for me to keep talking; it’s why I can talk to her. She makes me feel all right with taking out the darkest sides of me. The parts of my life that haunt me to this day. Take them out and set them in the cleansing light of her love.
Another hug. Voice warm as the midday rays of the July sun.
“Sometimes things take me back to that time and that place, Addie. It makes me feel like I’m about to crawl out of my skin. Like I’m in the middle of the war; no matter where I’m at, what I’m doing, I’m suddenly back in that hell watching my best friend die. And the only way I’ve found to get control of it is to do things that either hurt myself or hurt others,” I say, looking down at the floor for a while. “When I got out of the Army, I took his nickname for my road name because I never want to forget my best friend. I wish I could say I got my life together when I became a civilian, but I’d be lying. The first few years were the hardest; I did a lot of shit I shouldn’t have and it wasn’t until I met your father that I got my head straight. He reminds me of my old drill sergeant. It helps keep me in line.”
“I am so glad he found you. That you found the club. So that I could find you,” she says.
Hearing that should make me proud — that a woman like her would want a dark, wounded man like me — but it makes my heart heavy in my chest; talking to her about duty, about my failures to heed the mission, reminds me just how bad I fucked up earlier; it’s my mission to protect her, not take her virginity. No matter how good it feels, it’s a dereliction of my oath to the club.
And it will have grave consequences if I don’t get my shit together.
Which means getting away from her. Right now.
I stand. Pick up my bag containing the couple pairs of clothes and spare ammo I brought with me for my guard duty.
I am resolute. It’s time to do what I should’ve done the moment I felt myself slip.
“What are you doing, Snake?” She says.
“I fucked up once earlier, Addie. Broke orders, went against my better judgment, and it cost me so much; it left me with this black hole in my heart. I will not do it again. Because, in this case, it could mean you get hurt. I could not live with myself if that happens. I’d rather die a hundred times over. I’m leaving. I will tell your father to find someone else to keep you safe. Because I know if I stay, I won’t be able to keep away from you.”
“What? You’re leaving me?”
“I’ll have them send someone else to protect you. Blaze, maybe. Or Rusty.”
I don’t give her time to respond. I leave before she can say anything more — this is hard enough as it is, and she’s the one woman that I know I can’t resist. Any longer, and I will waver.
So, I do the right thing.
I leave her.
Chapter Thirteen
Adella
His words hit me like a brick. Leave me stunned, speechless, watching as he crosses the threshold of my doorway, bag in hand, and the door slams shut behind him.
I finally got close to him.
And now I’m going to lose him.
Like hell I will.
I fight for what I want.
And I’ve wanted Snake since the age that I first started being interested in men.
No way will I let him get away.
Naked as the day I was born, I run out of my apartment, not giving a damn about anyone who might see me, but still grateful as heck that it’s quiet in the hallways and in the dark parking lot. It’s late at night, there’s not a soul around, but I’d run out naked at midday through a damn parade if that’s what it took to keep Snake in my life.
I pass him as he leaves the door to the apartment building and steps into the parking lot. Sprinting, I run past him and head straight for his bike.
He lets out a surprised shout as I dart around him, my bare ass getting goosebumps in the chill night air.
Arriving at his bike, I lean down and unhook the wires from his spark plugs, and have time to spin around and hold those wires behind my back as he approaches me.
“Put those back, Addie,” he says.
“Hell no.”
“I’ll take them from you if I have to.”
I stare back at him, defiant, and cock my chin to the side.
“Oh yeah? You’ll put your hands on me? Because I won’t give them up without a fight. And I fight dirty. You’ll have to really hurt me to get these wires away from me. What do you think will happen to you then? Do you think my daddy will let it slide that you put your hands on me? Like hell he will. He’ll tie you to the back of his bike and drag you face-down across miles of highway. He’ll make you wish you were back in Afghanistan.”
He flinches at that last word and I know I’ve cut him deep. I don’t mean to, I shouldn’t have said that in his state,
