Then he shakes his head.
“You weren’t there. Didn’t see what your father did. You might think you understand, but this is different. You don’t know what you’re asking, Addie. Doing something like this changes you. It will haunt you. Let’s just head to bed and enjoy the time that we’ve got left together, all right?”
“The time we have left? What are you saying?”
“I’m saying what we have has to end. It’s not right, and it’s not safe. I love you, Addie, but if we don’t end things between us, someone else — like Stone, or one of the dozen other people out there that want to kill us — will do it for us.”
“I think I get a say in this.”
“If I’m fucking you, it means I can’t focus on my real job — keeping you safe and helping the club win this war.”
“Snake, there has to be another way.” My voice cracks. I reach out and take hold of his arm, squeeze him, as if holding on to him I can keep him in my life.
“There isn’t,” he says. “If we stay together, it means at some point you will get hurt. It’s just too dangerous. And I refuse to let that happen. We both knew this relationship couldn’t last, we both knew it was wrong to begin with — you’re the fucking president’s daughter, it doesn’t matter how bad I want you, you’re off-limits. This is how it has to be, Addie.”
I can feel my heart break with the finality in his voice. But I refuse to give up. He might feel like we need to end our relationship, but things aren’t over between us, not yet.
I am not giving up.
Maybe there’s a way that I can take care of this myself. End the threat to the club so he doesn’t feel compelled to end our relationship. Sometimes being an old lady means doing some things your man might not like, if it’ll make his life easier. Taking care of Agent Jones is one of those things.
But instead of saying my thoughts out loud, I nod so he’ll think I’m dropping the issue.
“Fine. Let’s go to bed, Snake. Let’s enjoy one last night together.”
Wrapped in his arms, I stay awake. My aching heart and my racing mind refuse to let me sleep. Over and over, I examine the composition of our problems — my relationship with Snake, my confinement to the club — and break them down with a photographer’s eye; the root of all this pain comes down to Bowen Dale and his assault on the MC. He needs to go.
And I know how to get rid of him.
When I’m certain Snake is deep in slumber, I detach myself from him. I pick up my phone and I head into my living room.
I make a call.
Ruby answers, her voice is sleepy and slow.
“Dear Addie, it’s early. And I’m a little busy right now. Is something wrong?”
“Ruby, I need you to get me a gun. Tomorrow morning. And it has to be a gun that can’t be traced back to anyone in the club. There’s something I need to take care of.”
Chapter Eighteen
Snake
Addie’s fast asleep when I wake up at the crack of dawn, as has been my habit ever since the military; one of the many things ingrained on me from my time in the service. I’m careful to be quiet when I get up; though I’m sure she’s deep asleep, I don’t want to disturb her. Let her enjoy one last quiet morning, one more full night’s sleep where we’re together. Because, when she wakes up, we will face the reality that we need to separate.
I know it’s for the best, but thinking about breaking it off with her makes me ache to my heart. It’s for her protection, it’s the right thing to do, but I still feel like I’m walking away from a woman who needs me. Abandoning someone looks at me like I’m a good man, instead of the oath-breaking soldier I see in her eyes.
But it’s the right thing to do. Breaking orders has consequences and I can’t let them fall on Addie’s shoulders.
I need to clear my head. Get myself right with what I need to do.
After making a quick call to Axel to have him come over and watch Adella’s place for me, I write her a brief note — Out for a ride, be back soon — and head outside to my bike.
Even without thinking about it, I steer my bike through town toward Kendra’s place. I need to feel like a hero again, and there’s only one other girl in town who looks at me like that.
The sun’s barely climbed above the horizon when I’m knocking on Kendra’s door.
There’s a look of bewilderment on her face when she answers.
“Snake, what’s going on? What are you doing here so early? Is something wrong?”
I clear my throat, fold my arms in front of my chest.
“Sorry to bother you so early, Kendra. Is Josie home?”
“You’re here at dawn to see my nine-year-old daughter?”
“I need to talk to Speed Demon about something,” I say.
It isn’t the truth. Not really. Mostly I need to hear something from her. I need to feel like a hero in someone’s eyes.
“Well, you’re lucky she’s up. You know, she used to sleep in before she met you.”
“Oh?”
“Then she heard you were a Ranger. So she looked up online what time Rangers have to get up when they’re in boot camp or
