“I’ll let him know you’ll be down shortly. Cassy and I are still planning on going out, but do you want me to wait till you’re done?”
“No, go have fun. Sydney is here, and I’m not afraid to be alone with him. If anything, he’s the most respectful person I know.”
“All right, I’m a phone call away if you need me.”
The door shuts with a small click. I fling myself onto my bed and stare at the ceiling. How am I going to face him? Butterflies flutter in my stomach at the thought of his hands on me. It was so good.
I change into something more presentable—jeans and a green blouse. A few coats of mascara and a deep plum lip and I head out the door. All is quiet in the house as I walk to the stairs. My feet sink into the plush carpet.
All I can hear is the beating of my heart as I round the corner into the sitting room. Carson’s ridged back faces me as he gazes out the window.
“Carson.”
He spins around quickly, taking my measure from head to toe. His face crumbles with sadness. I want nothing more than to embrace him and make him mine again.
“Bliss. I’ve missed you.”
He moves to come closer to me, but I hold up a hand. He’s like something out of a movie with his dark, curly hair and deep green eyes. If he comes any closer, I’ll lose all of my resolve.
“What do you want?”
My voice is clipped, strained. But the sooner we get this over with the better.
“I’ve come to apologize. I want to right what’s wrong with us. I can’t leave it like this. I understand if you don’t want me anymore, but I would hate myself forever if I didn’t explain things.”
“I heard you.” I clear my throat. “Before, when you spoke with Royce. I was standing outside. I didn’t intend to eavesdrop, but when I heard your voice, I had to see for myself.”
“You heard . . . everything?”
His cheeks pink as he shuffles from foot to foot. I grab a cup off the tea tray and pour myself some tea. Two sugars and some cream follow before I take my seat on the couch.
“Sit with me.”
Picking his glass up from beside the tray, he fills it up with more scotch and perches on the edge of the opposite couch. The need to touch him is overwhelming.
“I’m sorry. I should have said something sooner. You caught me by surprise that first day. All the feelings I suppressed when I left L.A. flooded back. I couldn’t deal with them. Then you showed me that I was closing off a piece of myself because Eli’s death was holding me back.”
“If you were honest with me, none of this would be a problem. I can’t be in a relationship with someone who omits the truth.”
“That’s something coming from the woman who runs off at the break of dawn. You didn’t even allow me to say goodbye. You chose to end this before it had a chance to grow.”
I place my teacup on the tray and clasp my hands in my lap. “You’re right. I’m not okay with goodbyes of any kind. It was easier to sneak away. We lead different lives, Carson. At least, that’s what I thought. I didn’t think you’d understand all of this.” I gesture at my surroundings.
“If I knew you were a Stagg, I would have seen things differently, but now . . . it’s too damaged.”
“You mean, if you knew I was rich. That my family is the Staggs?” He says his name like a slur.
“No, I don’t want your money. I have enough of it. I mean, who you are on the inside. Why lie to me?”
“I can’t go back to that life.”
“I’m not asking you to. I would never make you do something you don’t want, but I won’t change who I am inside to make you feel more comfortable about your past. I was born in privilege, but society and the image we presented to the rest of these socialite monsters took my sister’s life. Your father allowed your brother to be killed because he was gay. It wasn’t the money that made him evil, it was himself.”
The glass trembles as he takes a sip before setting it back down on the tray.
“It’s all true. I can say I was blinded by my anger, but I’m scared more than anything. Losing someone else, it’s too much.”
“You don’t think I feel the same? We’ve lost two of the most important people in our lives. But we have to stop being swallowed in our grief.”
“The pain kept me from submitting to this, but I’m ready now. These last few days have been miserable without you. I don’t think I could get you out of my system.” He comes closer, getting on his knees in front of me. The soft lines of his face crinkle in worry. I run my fingers through his hair and sigh.
“What will we do about it, then? Your life is in Bordentown. Mine is somewhere else. How can this work?”
“I’ll go where you go. All I want is you. All I need is you.” He reaches for my face and cups my cheek. I lean into his hand, closing my eyes for a moment.
“I’m afraid.”
The kiss he brushes on my lips has me clutching him like a lifeline. It’s only been a few days, yet it feels like a lifetime.
He deepens the kiss, pushing me back onto the sofa. My legs part for him, and his body is a perfect fit. I feel safe here, secure.
“Marry me,” he says, pulling away to gaze into my eyes.
My breath catches in my throat. Of all the things this man could have said.
“We hardly know each other. We haven’t even figured out if this is going to work. What if—”
“Stop. Answer me this, do you
