It was a cozy night. We all shouted things at the TV screen, had seconds on the cobbler, and nobody told me to go to bed (probably because I’d had such a long nap). It did make me feel a little guilty to enjoy hanging out with Nicole—but I reminded myself that it wasn’t her fault that Mom and Dad had broken up. Also, it was great to see Dad so relaxed and jokey again, especially after being called into school for my misbehavior.
* * *
The next day, a rainy Saturday, was more rest for me. Nicole disappeared when Mom came over, sniffing around the kitchen the way she always did after Nicole cooked. Dad got grumpy (but pretended to be cheerful) and locked himself in his office again. For the first time I found myself wishing Mom would just leave already so that the house would be less tense. And then immediately hating myself for wishing Mom would leave.
“I booked my flight,” she told me. “Monday night out of JFK. As long as your checkup on Monday is completely normal.” Then she knocked three times on the table leg.
The two of us played a bunch of board games we didn’t finish—Risk, chess, Star Wars Monopoly. We shopped online for non-orange school clothes. She showed me a few knitting stitches (not that I’d ever knit). I dozed with my head in her lap while she did a crossword puzzle. For dinner we ordered Chinese food, and Dad joined us. (They did their best not to comment on my food intake, although when I sneezed once, they both freaked.) Afterward, Dad went back into his office, and Mom and I watched The Devil Wears Prada, me cuddled up next to her like a cat.
A boring day, but a good one. And the last mother-daughter Saturday we’d have for a very long time.
* * *
On Sunday morning, Harper called.
“You didn’t show up last night,” she said.
“To what?” I asked.
“Kylie’s party. Remember?”
“Yes, but I never told her I was going. Or you. I only said I might, because my mom is leaving on Monday.”
“So you actually asked your mom? And she actually said no?”
“It’s a little more complicated than that.” As I said this, I realized it was. Because it wasn’t just that Mom and Dad had this rule about me resting on weekends. It was also that I really had needed some one-on-one time with Mom before she left. And the reason why I did was one of those cancer things that a noncancer person wouldn’t understand.
But Harper didn’t even ask what I meant by “complicated.” Maybe by now she’d given up on me explaining things to her.
There was a too-long pause.
“So what’s going on today?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
“Not much,” Harper replied. “Just going to the mall with a few people. Aria’s getting her ears pierced, Addison wants a new hoodie, and Kylie needs shoes.”
I swallowed. “Okay.”
Harper must have heard something in my voice, because then she said, “Norah, please don’t be jealous, okay? They’ve been really nice to me. The whole time you were sick, they invited me places. I don’t know what I would have done without them.”
I thought about Addison’s stinkeye and Kylie not wanting to hear my “gory details.” My throat felt tight, but I tried to sound cheery. “Hey, no, that’s really great. I’m not jealous, I’m glad for you, Harper.”
Another pause. Then she said: “I’d ask if you want to join us, but something tells me you wouldn’t.”
It’s not that I wouldn’t. It’s that I CAN’T.
“Well, have fun at the mall,” I said.
“You too,” Harper said. But only because it’s what you say.
* * *
That evening, I texted my tutor, Ayesha. I’m not sure why I suddenly needed to talk to her— but maybe it was because the conversation with Harper had left me wobbly, and Ayesha was always the one person who understood everything. Everything I was feeling, I mean. Because she’d felt it too.
Me: Hey. Just wanted to say school’s going great!
No answer, so I did some science homework. Doodled a zentangle seahorse, then a snake.
Finally, two hours later, my phone chirped.
Ayesha: NORAH! Yay, so happy to hear from you!! They put you in 8th grade math??
Me: Yep. And science.
Ayesha: Bec you’re a math/sci nerd like me!! :P So are they hard?
Me: Nah. And I like the teachers. But not as much as YOU.
Ayesha: Yeah I spoiled you forever, haha.
Me: You did!! But I like having classmates again. I think maybe. Mostly.
Ayesha: Yeah, classmates are cool. Maybe. Mostly. ;) How are yr parents?
Me: Ok. Still nervous but . . .
Ayesha: Well, that’s normal I guess. So are mine & its been 10 yrs since I was sick haha!! Hey, N, gotta run, meeting my girlfriend. Take care of yrself, work hard, stay in touch, kay? <3
BAD HAIR DAY
Monday morning, I was still feeling tired, but I wasn’t about to admit it to my parents. If I did, they’d just make me skip morning classes to rest up for the afternoon checkup at Phipps. But then I wouldn’t see Griffin, and that was the one thing I’d been looking forward to all weekend.
And it was good I made it to math, because as soon as I took my seat, Griffin asked if I’d be going to Afterschool. There was “something important” he wanted to ask me, he said.
“Um, I can’t,” I said. “Not today.”
His face fell. “How come?”
“Doctor appointment. For my allergies.”
“Oh.”
“But I’ll go tomorrow,” I added quickly.
His face lit up. “Awesome.”
I stared at my math notebook. What could Griffin need to ask that had to wait for Afterschool? It couldn’t be that he wanted to go out with me, right? I desperately hoped not. For one thing, I didn’t feel ready for that. And for another thing, how would I answer? Oh, I’d love to, but I’m never available on weekends until further notice for reasons I REALLY, REALLY don’t want to talk about? Maybe all he
