In his pocket, her goodbye letter, in which she’d absolved him of any lingering guilt, crinkled when he rolled to the side. Rain splattered the dirt by his face, and one of Ezra’s hooves stepped into his line of sight.
Finally, a trickle of air leaked into his lungs. The broken buckle of the girth strap dangled from the saddle he’d taken with him in that not-so-graceful exit off Ezra’s back at a full canter. He sat up and hung his head. Rain slid down the back of his neck and pelted his knees. The water brought out the smell of smoke from his clothes. If despair and hopelessness had a scent, this was it.
She couldn’t answer a simple question. Do you love him?
Ethan sighed and raised his face to the rain. What a fool he was. A heartbroken fool who went back for more, only to get kicked down again.
Ezra nuzzled his ear, huffing hay breath across his face. He absently scratched the horse’s cheek. “Yes, sir. We’ll go. The village can’t be far, eh?” Hauling himself to his feet required double the effort it usually did, but with a muttered curse he threw the saddle over his shoulder and took Ezra’s reins in hand. It could be miles, and his boots were already squelching, but there was no way he’d return to that drab, squat manor house.
“Ethan, stop!”
“Not bloody likely, Princess,” he muttered. “She doesn’ know when tae stop, does she, Ezra?” Hitching the saddle higher, he kept walking, ignoring the sound of the approaching carriage.
Scotland beckoned. Cal would meet him there with Montague, and then he’d mete out justice to a bully and a coward—which sounded like a grand time in his present frame of mind.
“Please. Get in the carriage and let’s talk about this.” It was hard to miss her, hanging out the window of her father’s carriage as it rolled alongside him down the road.
He marched on, staring resolutely ahead. The horse swung his head back toward Lottie’s voice, knowing she was usually good for a treat or two. “Don’ look at her, Ezra. You’ll only encourage her.”
“I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry. But if I’d had another minute to think, I’d have said yes,” she called from the window.
At that he whirled around and growled, “Another minute? Were you sent by God tae test my patience, lass? You needed another minute? You’ve had months tae figure out the answer tae that question. Months. Did you need another minute when I took you tae bed? Or when you encouraged me tae ask for your father’s blessing—who’s still a right bloody prick, by the way. I’ve loved you for months, but you couldn’t answer one simple question when he asked.” He shook his head, then set off again, pulling Ezra behind him.
The noise she made was somewhere between a screech and a groan. “Don’t you dare act all high and mighty with me, Ethan Ridley. You’ve loved me for months? Well, that’s just brilliant—wonderful information to keep to yourself, you coward. Because you telling my father—who, yes, is a horse’s arse—is the first time I heard you say a word about love. So forgive me if I needed a damned bloody minute to absorb that information. If you’d waited for ten more seconds, I’d have told you that I love you too.”
He stopped again, letting the saddle fall to the ground, and lifted his face to the sky. The frigid rain could wash his face of dirt and tears and whatever else. Damn it. It irked him to admit she was right about anything right now, but she had a point. He’d never told her how he felt.
The coach might not have been going fast, but when she opened the door and flung herself from it, basic laws of physics dictated she had few options but to land in a graceless stumble against him, nearly knocking them both over. He caught her before she hit the ground. He’d always catch her, even when he wanted to wring her neck.
“Only a lunatic jumps out of a moving carriage. You could have been hurt. What the hell are you thinking?”
As they stood toe to toe, Lottie jabbed at his chest. The carriage rolled to a stop about ten feet down the road. “I love you. I had this plan, where I’d apologize and we’d come up with a way to save Woodrest. Except nothing went right. We didn’t have any privacy in the carriage, and then you told me you love me—in front of my father of all people. It hit me all at once. How much I’ve hurt you, without realizing it.” Tears rolled down her cheeks before being washed away by the rain. “I don’t understand how you could love me through all that or why you’re even here helping me out of this mess again, but I’m begging you to keep showing up. Just show up. Love me, and I’ll love you, and we will make this thing between us real. Please. You won’t regret it. I promise.”
Heartbreak and hope were a strange combination of emotions, but they poured out of him like a hemorrhaging wound. She’d asked for his trust before they’d dealt with her father, and then she’d let him down. Ethan turned his back on her to stare back at the gates of her childhood home, digging his fingers into his hair and keeping them there as he muddled through everything she’d said.
With his hands on his head, it was simple enough for her to duck under an arm to face him again. “Let me guess. You need a moment to think?” she said with a small smile.
A laugh bubbled up despite the emotions clutching his vocal cords. Tracing the lines of his reluctant smile with a finger, she tugged his head down to her.
Ethan joined her in
