She may be human, but he was eager to have Emma beneath him, even if he was concerned about what might happen. He experienced no driving urge to kill when she was around, but he was afraid he might lose control of himself with her. She was a human; she was weak and vulnerable. There was a chance he could injure her. Even as he thought it he knew it could never happen, he'd kill himself before he ever put a bruise on her.
The idea of drinking her blood without her knowing was repulsive to him. It would be delicious—powerful and filling—but he would never taste her unless she knew about it. For the first time, he wanted to feed on a human without the driving compulsion he always felt to lose himself in their blood as he watched the life slip from their eyes. Without feeling as if he would welcome the eventual death of the person more than the actual blood itself.
She would never know about him though. She would run screaming from him if she discovered the truth, like any sane human would, and it was the last thing he wanted to happen. He was determined to enjoy the three weeks they had left together. He wouldn’t let the knowledge of what he was push her away, frighten her, or put her in any danger. There were already three other vampires roaming this island, he hadn't seen them again, but they could become a threat to her.
From what Stefan told him, he knew some of his kind liked to hunt and kill other vampires for more power. He hadn't sensed much of a threat from those three, but he wasn't willing to risk Emma's life or the lives of her friends. He would kill them if they even thought about trying to get close enough to harm Emma.
His gaze drifted back to her as she tapped her chin with her index finger and studied the menu. The waiter returned with their drinks, took their order, and left. Emma's hair shimmered in the glow of the candle, appearing more blonde than brown as the firelight danced over it.
"So, Emma, how is it you're still single?" he inquired.
The question startled her enough she sloshed the wine against the side of her glass. They'd had some fun dates over the past few nights. Dates which involved talking about the music they liked, their favorite TV shows, movies, and books. They'd discussed their families and friends, but the conversation had stayed away from past relationships, something she was more than happy about.
She forced a smile and took a sip of her wine before answering. "I guess I'm just lucky."
He laughed as he leaned forward to grab his whiskey. The ice clinked against the side of the glass as he took a sip. "So no relationships for you, ever?"
He was trying to sound teasing and carefree, but he could feel pressure steadily building within him. What if there was someone else in her life? She didn't seem like the type to cheat on someone, but what did he know? She could have a boyfriend back home. Emma shrugged, but for the first time her eyes didn't twinkle. A new tension resonated in her body, one he'd never seen before, as she grew unbelievably still.
"There was someone," she murmured and glanced away from him.
He thought he might break his glass, but he couldn't get his hand to ease up on it. "Was it serious?"
"I'm not sure I ever knew what it was, but it didn't end well."
"Did he hurt you?" Emma's eyebrows rose, and even he was shocked by the growling tone of his voice as he leaned toward her.
"No, well I mean not physically. He kicked the crap out of my pride though. At the time, I thought he broke my heart, but I was never in love with him. I tried to convince myself I was."
"Why would you do that?"
Emma watched him as he sat a little away from her again. He was trying to look casual, but a muscle twitched in his jaw. "To seem normal, I guess."
She felt like such an idiot as she tried to explain it to him. Why had she tried so hard to fit in back then? Her parents loved her no matter what. Jill and Mandy thought she was perfectly fine. She was the only one who had believed something was wrong with her, but until Ethan, she'd never felt an intense attraction to a man. It still seemed a little odd, but she didn't question it anymore, not when he was sitting across from her.
"He was my ah...my first..." her voice trailed off as heat crept into her cheeks. "My first serious boyfriend, my first everything, and he was extremely charming. I tried to convince myself he made me happy; he convinced himself it was okay to sleep with other women."
"He was a fool."
She smiled again, but sadness continued to enshroud her. "That he was."
"I'm sorry you were hurt."
A small laugh escaped her. "The funny thing is, I wasn't. I was so relieved I finally had a reason to call it quits with him, I practically did a happy dance all the way down his hall afterward."
"Then why were you trying to convince yourself you were happy with him?"
She took another sip of her wine as she pondered her answer, but the only thing she could think of to say was the truth. Leaning closer to him, she rested her hand on the table as she said the words she'd never said to anyone. "Have you ever felt like you don't belong?" she inquired. "That no matter what you do, no matter how many friends and family you have, something is missing inside of you?"
Ethan felt as if she looked inside him and saw what he felt every day of his life. She couldn't know the worst of it,
