"The bond between mates is so strong they can read each other's thoughts and communicate with one another telepathically. The pathway between the minds opens when the bond is completed," he continued. "I don't expect a decision from you now, but if you choose to come back to me, you have to know what you're getting into. If you come back to me, there is no going back, not for me. This is forever."
The urge to grab a paper bag and breathe into it filled her. She felt as if a tornado had just picked her up and dumped her in the middle of a bunch of munchkins.
"Oh, crap." Those two words did absolutely nothing to describe how she felt right now, but they just popped out. "Why do you believe so strongly I’m your mate?"
He'd tried so hard to keep his more volatile side hidden from her, but now he may have to expose it. She stared at him as he sought to think of a way to explain it to her without frightening her even more. "Don't lie to me, Ethan, if there is even a small chance all this could work out, you can't keep anything else from me. I'll never forgive you if you do."
He leaned forward to press a kiss against her forehead. "I won't lie to you, and I'll never keep anything from you again, but I don't want you to be frightened of me."
"You could kill me before I blink. There's nothing you could say that would be any more frightening."
"I'm not so sure about that."
Those words were about the least reassuring thing she'd ever heard. "Not telling me is scaring me more."
He leaned against her side. "This connection, just the touch of you, it calms me in ways I never thought possible. I'm not like my siblings. They're easy going in ways I've never been before."
"But you've always seemed happy to me." Emma’s tone revealed her confusion.
"Because of you, and I was happy with my life even if it was stressful at times, but I'm different than they are. There's always been something inside of me, something deadlier, something crueler than what they are. I've fought for as long as I can remember to keep my thirst and my impulse to kill under control."
He waited for her to recoil from him, to jump up and run away, but she remained where she was, and she didn't look at all horrified by what he was telling her. For some reason that made him feel he had to elaborate on his words, he had to make her understand what a monster he was. She would get up and walk away when he finished anyway; he might as well make it sooner rather than later.
"Killing is all I've ever desired, and once I reached maturity, and stopped aging, the urge to drive my fangs into someone's neck and bathe in their blood has been a nearly constant battle for me."
Emma took a deep breath as she tried to process his words. "But you've never done it before that man last night?"
"No, he was my first, but I've kept myself away from humans because of that constant fear. You're the only human I've ever been with Emma, the only one I've had extended contact with in years. I didn't think it was possible for me to be around a human for any length of time until I met you."
"Then maybe you're more like your siblings than you thought."
Ethan lurched up from the bed and paced away from her. "I'm not like them, they're good, and I'm twisted. There's something wrong with me."
"There's nothing wrong with you Ethan," she whispered.
"If you knew some of the things I've done to try and escape what is inside of me, you wouldn't think so," he growled.
"But you've never killed anyone before yesterday, and you don't hurt people."
"Not anyone who didn't ask me to." The widening of her eyes and her recoil from him was what he'd been looking for. "I've inflicted pain on vampires who asked me to, and I've asked them to do the same to me, in bed."
Emma's breath caught in her throat as his words sank in. She leaned back as he returned to her and rested his hands on either side of her. "You would cringe if you learned the things I've done to try to make what is inside me go away. It would make even the most diehard sadist cringe, or perhaps it would make them proud. We don't die, Emma; we can go far beyond what any human could to gain pleasure from the pain."
Emma gulped as she searched his face. He was attempting to push her away, she knew, but no matter how much he tried to convince her he was unredeemable, she saw the longing in his eyes. He expected her to run, expected her to turn away from him and call him a monster just like he believed he was, but no matter what he said he could never be a monster in her eyes.
"I have been whipped so severely the skin on my back was completely gone. It took me hours to heal from it, and you know what I did? I got off on it, Emma. I've been chained for hours, burned, branded and beaten to the point I've had broken bones, and I got off on it because I enjoyed it. I did the same to the woman who asked me for it, and I got enjoyment from that too."
"Stop," she whispered.
"Stop what?" he snarled as his eyes turned red.
Emma thought a reasonable human would cringe away from him; she tilted her chin and glared up at him. "Stop trying to push me away!"
"Would you like to know what else I've done?"
"No."
"But you want to know it all."
"That isn't you, Ethan," she whispered.
"You don't know who I am."
"Don't I?" she retorted with defiance. Some of his antagonism deflated as he studied her.
