That’s when it hit me, you cannot please the unpleasable. So many days, years even, and actions with him in mind, it was all a waste. It would always be a waste.
“I understand.” There was no reason to argue or inflict a debate. I didn’t have the desire to prove an unprovable point to a narcissist . “I’m going to go to bed now.”
I didn’t wait for him to respond, hurrying from the kitchen and practically running up the stairs to create as much distance between us as possible. Once inside my room I began gathering my things for tomorrow evening. Texting Darcy, I agreed to whatever shenanigans she had planned for us and alerted her that I was staying at her place afterwards. There was no point coming home, not when I would have my father’s prying eyes and unthoughtful words to follow after I once again managed to somehow be less than he thought that I should be.
The reality was that I would never be enough, I would never be what he expected me to be because his expectations were too astronomical to satisfy and they were constantly changing.
I wished my mother was still here, I wished I had her to talk to. Missing her was a huge part of every day. I knew that no matter what she would be on my side, she always was.
1. Rock a pair of heels like the hot girl I am.
2. Get my girlie bits waxed.
3. Share my red lipstick with a gorgeous guy. (That means kiss him)
4. Skip class, because I’m hung over.
5. Forego panties and go dancing in a short dress.
6. Give my number to a random guy.
7. Pick out my favorite nail polish and forget it landed in my handbag while tossing it in the cart. (Shh, it’s not stealing if it’s an accident.)
8. Get a tattoo in a secret hidden location.
9. Pierce something, like a nipple or a further south region.
10. Cash in my innocence, to a well-endowed peer.
Chapter Fifteen
Jay
“I’ll do it,” I volunteered, holding up my hand. I had no intentions of drinking, I’d learned my lesson. I shivered as I remembered my last run in with alcohol. Fuck that. “No debate needed, I’ll take it.”
A few of the guys laughed, tossing jokes around about my ass hurting, but I chose to ignore them. Shit in this house was never forgotten, hell, even outside of this house. That shit would follow you forever. I should know, my list had grown and expanded over the last four years and none of my brothers let me forget any of my embarrassing moments.
“What if your girlfriend and her ape come back for more? Don’t you need to be liquored up for that kind of fun or are you going in sober this time?” Xavier poked as Isaac chuckled at his side. “Wanna be able to remember every magical moment this time?”
Looking back toward the television, I stuck my middle finger in the air and flipped him off over my shoulder.
No alcohol. No open cups of any sort, only bottled water, and only if I was the one who opened it. I was still shocked as fuck that I’d been drugged by such a sweet, innocent girl. Okay, so she wasn’t so innocent looking, she was more like a temptress, but still, fuck that.
Sober.
“All right, so Jay is sober brother tonight.”
They continued to make plans and prepare for the party. Continuous remarks about me loving teddy bears so much, cuddles by the big ape, and an entire list of other bullshit digs followed me wherever I went. They had jokes, they should know all they were doing was setting themselves up as targets later. I envisioned shaving some heads and gluing a few of them together ass to ass.
***
The music was loud, the laughter and squeals of girls were louder. There were body shots in the kitchen, with some blonde lying across the bar while one of my brothers hovered over her ready to take the challenge. The living room swarmed with sweaty bodies dancing and grinding with one another. Xavier and Morgan sat in a chair in the corner, she curled in his lap while he looked up at her all doe-eyed. I had no doubt the two of them would be together forever. He was sunk.
Corbin and Clay were in the den, battling it out over an intense game of bags while their girls, Emelie and Palmer, laughed at their antics. Every house had the clowns and the two of them were ours. Insane, full of big ideas that normally backfired, but they never let that stop them from creating the next one. Never a dull moment.
Of course I found Elijah standing in the living room, his arm around Blake securely, holding her safely to his side. He was brutal when it came to her but I couldn’t say I blamed him, she’d gone through too much already. Her life was a mess and none of us knew what she’d been living with. Right under our noses she’d go home every night to her own form of hell. He refused to give anyone the opportunity to threaten her safety. He was her own personal bodyguard, and with her there was no playing around. He’d destroy first and ask questions later.
I stood back and watched my brothers, all with their girls, and smiled. When I first joined this fraternity I questioned my sanity,
