“I’m sorry.” And I was.
“Yeah.” He stepped back and I hated the distance. “Me too.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jay
“You wanna talk about it?” Jade sat in the passenger seat of my truck, staring at me from the side. I’d sensed her watching me from the very moment I rejoined her and Vera. It took a few minutes for Ruby to slowly walk back in our direction, her eyes looking toward the group and refusing to meet mine.
We’d said quick goodbyes and I didn’t look back. I knew if I did I’d go to her and tell her that classifying me as an asshole who uses girls was okay. I’d ignore that she chose to follow Darcy’s lead instead of giving me a chance.
So I stayed focused on placing one foot in front of the other. The ride with my sister had been silent, her giving me the time I needed to stew.
“Because you know I’m always here to listen.”
“What is this, Dr. Phil?” The minute the words left my lips in a snarky tone I regretted them. “I’m fine.” I was really fucking irritated. “It is what it is, ya know?”
“What is, what it is?” So many years I’d been the one there for her. The one to listen to her drama, run when she needed me and picked up the pieces after my father trampled her like he always did. I’d dealt with my shit, I’d handled it, yeah, maybe not always in the best ways. But I had me, I’d always had me. “I can’t help if you don’t let me in.”
In that moment Jade’s voice sounded so small, laced with heavy concern.
Flipping the signal to turn left into the parking lot of her apartment, I found the first open space and slid the truck into park. For several minutes the two of us just sat beside one another saying nothing. It was just the sounds of music playing on the radio and each of us breathing evenly, and a few doors closing to other vehicles in the lot.
I was angry about so many things, and if I was being truthful, it really wasn’t even all about Ruby. I liked her, she was the only girl I’d met that I actually wanted to spend time with. Other than Jade, but that was different.
Ruby was fun to talk to. She made my heart race with her smile alone. It was easy to tell she wasn’t the type of girl who had been around. So often I’d meet a girl and at least one if not more of the guys in my fraternity had fooled around with her in some way.
I wasn’t into seconds, that shit was messy.
Ruby was sweet, kind, and she made me feel like I could be me.
There was no need to show off, get drunk, and act like a dumb ass college kid. She was solid, someone you could share your dreams with and she wouldn’t go cross-eyed with confusion.
“Do you think we’re cursed?” I looked out the front windshield, refusing to look at my sister. I could already imagine the look in her eyes. She knew where this was all coming from. Years and years of unstable role models. One guy after another for my mom after our father broke her. And our dad, hell, I didn’t think he ever stopped dating even after he’d married our mother.
The two of us had no fucking idea what a committed relationship actually looked like. Well, with the exception of the few of my brothers that had now settled down. Sometimes I would catch myself watching Xavier and Morgan, or any of the others that had found the girl that shook the floor beneath their feet. The way they would laugh and that comfortable way they would just sit with each other, not even needing to talk. Like they’d found the one missing piece that had made them now feel whole.
“No,” Jade whispered a response to my question, almost like she’d taken a little extra time to roll it over in her mind. “I think that we’ve been shown how not to live our lives. I think that the two of us need to understand that our parents never really grew up. We can’t live our lives based on their mistakes.”
Turning, I looked at her and found her watching me.
“I’ve spent a lot of years chasing a fantasy. Searching for the guy that can give me all the things I think I thought a good guy was.” For the first time Jade appeared completely confident and strong. “I know our dad is an ass. I know that if I looked back at all the mistakes I’ve made I would realize that I was repeating history. Mom took so much shit from him before she woke up and understood that she deserved more. And in doing so she deserted her kids too, which was completely unfair. But Jay, we’ve got each other, and as far as I’m concerned I won, because you’ve always been on my side. One great thing our parents did during their disaster of a relationship was that they gave us each other. You aren’t our father and I’ve got to stop looking for the guy that will fill the void he left.”
I’d never heard her talk like this. I’d always imagined her to be completely delusional when it came to relationships. I guess I was wrong.
“Vera said something when you and Ruby were talking.” I locked my eyes with hers. “Ruby lost her mother when she was young and that was the day she lost her best friend.” My heart broke at the idea of a small Ruby sitting alone, sad and lost. “Her father sounds like an ass.”
“He’s the Dean.”
“I know.” She smiled and I wondered how much she and Vera shared in the short time