Chapter Thirty-Eight
Ruby
The year was over, my finals were complete, and I felt like nothing could bring me down. I felt accomplished and excited for the future.
I made a huge decision today, one that I didn’t regret, not even a little. A decision that would forever change my life.
I changed my major. It was scary but also thrilling. I would no longer allow myself to be led by my father’s expectations. I would be the person I always wanted to be. I’d spend years in school, many long hours of studying, and clinical hours that I was sure would be grueling but in the end I will be proud, because I was following my own dreams.
Still floating along on the high I’d felt all afternoon, I entered my room and freeze in the doorway. Looking over the comforter of my bed, I take in every little item. Picture boxes that I recognize immediately, the bright orange scarf that I used to sneak out of the attic and wear on the days I knew my father was not in town. There was even my mother’s housecoat and slippers that were both so worn, but it didn’t matter because my mother loved them.
Empty bottles that held her favorite perfume, a box containing journals my mom kept during her college years.
Tears pooled in my eyes, unable to peel my eyes off of all the items I thought I’d never see again and I couldn’t bring myself to move.
How did they get here?
Each breath I took I felt my chest burn more intensely as I tried to hold back the tears.
These were all the memories I had of my mother. All the items I’d loved and had always made me feel like a part of her was still here with me.
Finally able to make me legs move, I walked toward my bed and reached out to lift the locket that I’d admired so many times but was always terrified to wear. It was in the shape of a heart and on the inside was a picture of my mother holding me as a baby.
Falling to my knees, I allowed the tears to fall as I gripped the necklace tightly in my palm and held it close to my chest.
“He brought it all over about two hours ago.” My breath hitched and I turned to see Vera standing in the doorway of my room. “He was so sweet about it too, a little nervous but—”
“My father has never been sweet a day in his life.”
“Not your father, hun.” She stepped in closer, kneeling at my side. “Jay.”
The tears that were still pooling in my eyes ran over and a sob escaped me. Jay did this?
“He said that those things belong to you.” She placed her hand on my back and offered me a soothing rub. “And he was right, Ruby, they do. Your mother would have wanted you to have all these things.”
Unable to speak I nod, gripping my mother’s locket a little tighter. I felt so raw, so emotional.
“You were her greatest accomplishment.”
It was then that I broke. Leaning forward, I placed my face against the mattress and I let years of feelings go. All the times my father made me feel less than worthy, all the years I longed for my mother but couldn’t even ask him about her. I cried too because now, I could finally place all of that behind me.
***
The rain was falling heavily, and I sat outside the fraternity looking through the windshield of Vera’s Camry. I’d lost track of just how long I had sat there watching the rain pelt the glass. The sun had set, more lights came on inside the house, yet still I remained inside the car.
My phone rang loudly, filling the silence and my body jerked in surprise.
Jay’s picture lit up the screen and I smiled wide, feeling my entire body warm.
I lifted the phone, tapped the button, and then the speaker. “What are you doing?” I knew then that he must’ve seen me outside and when I looked toward the front porch there he stood.
“Stay there.” I didn’t wait for him to respond, I end the call and open the door, stepping out into the rain. Tucking my phone and keys into the pocket of my jeans, I began to walk across the lawn toward him and he remained where he was just like I’d told him. When I stopped at the bottom of the steps he tilted his head just slightly as if silently asking if I was okay.
The rain felt amazing and I remembered a time when my father was out of town and my mom and I played in the rain for hours. It was one of the best times I’d shared with her. She was so happy.
“Get out of the rain, you goof.” The way he was smiling at me, like even though I was crazy he found it adorable, made me feel completely safe.
I climbed the stairs and stopped in front of him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer. My hips covered his and he accepted my kiss, placing his hands on the small of my back. He didn’t let the fact that I was soaked stop him from holding me close.
Pulling back, I made sure his eyes were open and he was looking at me when I said the words I needed to say. “I love you.” Tears clouded my vision once more. “Thank you for being so unbelievably sweet and good to me.”
“I love you too.” His thumb glided along my jaw and brushed over the edge of my lower lip. “And please don’t thank me for being sweet to you,
