Eden just hummed her agreement as her body pressed even closer.
Asher pictured Xave’s penetrating blue eyes and square jaw. “He joined the Army straight out of high school. It was another sacrifice—he hadn’t been trying for a scholarship, he’d been taking care of Law and me, so he skipped college and just enlisted. He was golden and was almost immediately tapped for Delta Force.”
Asher remembered the last picture that was taken with the three of them and their mom. He had it tucked away in his vest. It had been three Christmas’s ago. The pride on her face shone through on the photo.
Eden stroked his jaw, and Asher realized he’d stopped talking. “Xave…”
She rolled on top of him. The darkness was absolute, but he imagined her green eyes staring down at him. Willing him to continue. He swallowed.
“Xavier came back from a mission and he was different. He received the Bronze Star for heroism. The deal is, you don’t talk about missions, you keep it within the team or unit who was with you, but we talked. What the hell? We were both Spec Ops, and we’re brothers. But we didn’t talk about this one. Half his unit was wiped out on some Godforsaken hill in Afghanistan and he doesn’t have a scratch on him, but the remaining men are treating him like some kind of Messiah.”
Asher once again pictured Xavier, and how he looked when he came back.
“Eden, his body might have come back, but his soul didn’t. I would look in his eyes, and I couldn’t get him to really laugh, or really talk. He’d pretend and put on a pretty good show, but it didn’t fool me. The only time he seemed real was when he was with another man from his unit. Then he was manic, over the top with concern, like he was their father or priest or something.”
Asher must have been silent a while, because Eden prompted him.
“What did you do?”
“Not nearly enough. I tried talking to him. I went down to North Carolina three times, to try to get him to open up. Nothing.”
Again, he must have stopped talking because Eden’s voice was whispering in his ear.
“And then?”
“Then nothing. He killed himself. I fucked up. I didn’t take care of my brother.”
She pushed up on his chest. He could feel her looking down at him. Could she really see him?
“What else were you supposed to do?” she asked quietly.
“I should have reported my concerns to his lieutenant.”
“Did you think he was going to kill himself? Really?”
Asher rolled and Eden was beneath him. Then he got up. He snagged his vest and the green light of the glow stick made both of them show up in stark reality. He gave a half-smile. “It’s not our safe little bubble anymore. Talking time is over.”
Eden clabbered up off the floor and shoved her fists on her hips. “Bullshit. Talking time has just started, Buddy. Answer my question. Did. You. Think. He. Would. Kill. Himself?”
“Fuck no. If I did, I would never have left. I would have tranq’d him, tied him up, and dragged his ass to the V.A. hospital,” he yelled at her.
“Then what the hell are you blaming yourself for?”
“For being so stupid that I missed the signs. I thought he would end up fucking up his job. I thought he would end up being kicked out of the Army for not checking in, for dereliction of duty, and I wanted him to snap out of it because I knew how important being a soldier was to him.”
“Did you want him to get help?”
“Fuck yeah, but I didn’t think professional help was that important. I figured he could just pull himself up by his own bootstraps or just talk to me.” He slammed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I was so fucking wrong.”
Asher was breathing so hard that for a moment he thought the vault was losing oxygen. Then he realized he was hyperventilating, so he took a couple of deep breaths.
“Eden, I had Kane pull the file on that damned mission. It was a freaking miracle that anyone survived. One of the Afghan fighters they were working with sold them out, they were surrounded. Xave’s best friend in the Army died on that mission. When I read what he accomplished, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Then I pictured it from Xavier’s point of view—he would only focus on the twelve men who died, not the twelve men he saved.”
Eden stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist. She rested her head on his chest, and he could breathe in the subtle hint of peaches from her hair. “What have you done since then?”
Ash tried to pull away, but she wasn’t having any of it. “Answer the question, Thorne. What have you done since then? Since Xavier’s suicide?”
“How did you know?” he rasped.
“I figure every hour together in a situation like this is at least forty-eight. So, I’ve known you for quite some time, Asher. Just answer the question. What have you done since Xavier’s death?”
He pulled her closer, taking her weight against his body. She felt good. The fact that she had burrowed into his head and heart felt better.
“I’ve checked in with each member of Xavier’s team, including taking them on a deep-sea fishing trip. I wanted to make sure they’re okay.”
“Were they?”
“All but one.”
“What did you do?”
“I talked to his wife. We had
