Jade continues to pull at my arm. She pulls until I finally let go. Cason is saved by my overwhelming need to get the fuck out of here. I can’t be here. I can’t be without her. I have to find her. I get to my car quickly, turning it on and putting it in drive before I have the door fully closed. My foot presses hard on the gas pedal, and the tires dig a nice sized hole in the field as they spin into the dirt before finally gaining traction. The car speeds off down the road, away from the party and all the useless assholes still standing around.
Only one single thought runs on a loop in my head as I race off into the night:
I need to find her.
“Where the fuck are you, Fallon?” I hiss out as I slam my fist into the wall, not giving a damn about the hole I’m leaving behind. Fallon’s been missing for almost twenty-four hours now, and I’ve got nothing. No leads—not even a sliver of an idea as to where she is. I turn and slide down the wall, letting my head fall back and close my eyes. After taking a deep breath, I open my eyes and prop my arms on my knees. I look up to the bed that I haven’t touched all night. The bed we’ve shared every night since the dance. The bed I couldn’t bring myself to sleep in without her last night. The sheets are spilling off Fallon’s side of the bed onto the floor, exactly as she left it yesterday morning. She always steals the covers from me in the middle of the night and somehow, they almost always end up half on her and half on the floor, just as they are now. It usually aggravates me when I wake up cold, but right now I would give anything in this fucking world to have her home and pulling the covers from me. I don’t want to go back to a world without her in it. There’s no way I would survive, not after knowing what having her is like.
Where. The fuck. Are you?
I rub my chest trying to ease away the ache that won’t stop. It just keeps pounding in there, growing bigger and threatening to swallow me whole. I don’t know what to do or how to find her. I can’t put together a single fucking solid thought about what happened last night. It’s all jumbled. I was getting a beer, and she was there—I left her standing right there. Then Jones stopped to talk to me, and when I turned around, she wasn’t there anymore. It was only a second; I turned my back for just one second.
That second may have cost me everything.
I have to think. I have to find her. I have to fucking find her.
I slap my hands to my temples, attempting to conjure at least one cohesive thought. I grab onto my hair and pull just enough that it stings. The actual pain of the welcome sting doesn’t make up for the missing piece of me but it helps ease the guilt that threatens to consume me. If only I hadn’t left her alone. I shouldn’t have left her.
Think Jesse. She was there. Then she was gone.
I pull harder, until the pain is searing into my brain.
I turned my back for a second. A fucking second.
Jones didn’t see anything. That dude is a saint; if he’d seen something, I’d know. I found Cason huddled in the corner with that chick. Jade was with Adam the entire time. Where could she have gone?
I look around and realize somehow, I’ve ended up standing and pacing with my hard grip still very much in my hair.
She was in the barn. Someone had to have seen something—anything. There were so many people at that party. There is no way she walked out of there without someone seeing her. At least one person had to have seen her leave.
Who the fuck was around? Think Jesse. Fucking think.
“Nice hair, man.” A shirtless Cason is leaning on my doorframe in his ball shorts. “Did you sleep at all?”
“What do you think?” I grit my teeth. “Don’t ask dumb questions.”
“Well this seems to really be helping you a fuck ton.” His gestures with his hand to my state of general disarray. “Being tired and off your game. She’d want you to take care of yourself.”
“Are you here to bust my balls or fucking help?” I sneer. “Cause if you want a replay of last night then get the hell out of here. I don’t need that shit from you.”
Cason sighs, then comes into my room and walks over to the bed. He turns and heaves out another big breath before falling back onto the mattress. I look closely at him and realize he looks just as exhausted as I do. His eyes are sunken in and dark. He didn’t sleep any more than I did. I knew he didn’t believe that shit he was spitting about Fallon, but I needed him to figure that out.
“You’re right, man.” He sighs as if it stings that he’s in this position at all. “It’s fucking with my head. I don’t think I could handle it if she chose to leave us for real. Mentally, I need her to be here. She keeps me grounded, Jess.”
He shakes his head out, and I stand back. I get it—the important women in his life always leave. But Fallon isn’t like his mom. She wouldn’t just walk
