“And there’s phonecalls, videocalls, all that,” I argued my case. “It was scary ten years ago, the idea of not being together, but now... We can be together, just not all the time. Not for now. But to me, that’s better than nothing.”
It really, truly was. Even a bit of time with Helena would be better than all the time without her.
The look on Helena’s face matched my own feelings perfectly. Hope, most of all, with a little anxiety, a little uncertainty. But if we both wanted to make it work, then I had to believe it was possible. The two of us had always been able to do anything we set our minds to. Why should this be different?
“Oh, Sam.” Helena’s palm flattened against my chest, her touch calming the wild racing of my heart. “Of course a little time with you is better than nothing.”
Hearing her say it was like a dozen fireworks going off inside me, all at once. If I could convince Helena to give this a try, I knew it would be better than being apart.
“Do you think it will work?” Helena asked. “Having a girlfriend a whole country away… Won’t you need someone closer? Who can be there for you in the time it takes to get across a city, not the time it takes to fly from Canada?”
It would have been unfair of me to answer without thinking about it. Truth was, I hadn’t actually given this a whole lot of thought. Yes, I had thought about asking Helena out, but those thoughts had been quickly pushed to one side as silly. Now they felt more real than ever. I could have this, I could have her! But I had to be certain.
Asking Helena to date me was something I couldn’t ask without being sure that I could commit to it. Commit to her. That would be unfair to both of us. So I thought about it. Could I do this?
There was no doubt that it wouldn’t be easy. At the same time, I also didn’t doubt that I wanted it. While my other relationships had been fine, they hadn’t even come close to what I felt for Helena. Both back then and now, too.
“I’m sure I want to make it work,” I told her truthfully. “Would I prefer it if we could be together all the time? Yeah, of course. But I also want you to do the things you love. That’s what makes you happy and I just want to be a part of that. There’s a lot of things that make me happy and I want you to be one of those things, too. To share those things with me as well.
“You’re worth it,” I said with a smile. “You’ve always been worth it, I was just too stupid to realize that before.” And I’d always be sorry about that, but hopefully, that could all change. Hopefully, Helena would let me make it up to her.
Instead of answering in words, Helena closed the distance between us. Her lips landed on mine, soft and gentle at first. My arms went around her instantly, ready to pull her into my lap and forget about talking for a little while.
Before I could, Helena pulled back. “You’re worth it too, Sam Levesque.” My heart gave a great leap, the smile spreading instantly across my face.
Helena’s small hand cupped my cheek, her fingers moving across the slight stubble of my skin. “We’re not twenty anymore, but I think that’s a good thing. What felt impossible back then feels like a challenge that we can face.”
I completely agreed.
“But we should talk about the specifics. I trust that if you’re willing to try this, we’re going to be faithful to each other, no matter how long it might be between visits.”
There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I wanted Helena and only Helena. If I had to wait another ten years, I would, but I really rather not. She’d asked me where I saw myself in ten years and the honest truth was that without her, I didn’t see myself at all. Whatever my life would be, it just wouldn’t be as good if Helena wasn’t in it.
“Alright, specifics,” I nodded. “Like what?” I felt pretty ready to promise Helena anything and everything. But that wasn’t what she was asking for. We could be grown-ups about this. That was what we needed to do. To communicate and figure things out. There was no one I wanted to do that with more than the woman in my arms.
She paused, the warmth of her hand on my cheek making my head spin. This was really happening! We’d swooped up from despair and sadness to excitement so quickly! It was hard to believe.
“Would we tell people?” Helena asked. “If you’re leaving soon, we don’t have much time to give this a trial run. Would you want your family to know?”
It immediately made me think of Helena’s family, of what they would say. My parents had always been a lot more accepting of our relationship. They’d be glad for me, even if they might be a little concerned about how challenging this was going to prove.
“My parents would be pleased. They love you,” I pointed out. “But if you wanted us to wait a little, to see how things go first, that’d be fine with me, too.” And honestly, it would be. I felt like right now, I was willing to promise Helena most things. There was very little I could imagine she’d ask that I’d not be okay with.
It made sense to wait a bit, even if my mom would be absolutely thrilled. If this didn’t work out, then it would feel all that
