I just wanted us. Was that so wrong?
“Come on,” Levi spoke, his voice a bare whisper. “We should go. You need to try to sleep.” He focused on my well-being instead of his own. It didn’t surprise me, but he neglected to mention his own need for sleep too. Both of us had been up all night—but frankly, sleep was the last thing on my mind.
“I should stay,” I said, both wanting to stay and wanting Levi to convince me otherwise.
“Kelsey, you have to think of yourself, too. I don’t think Mel would want you here with her, skipping classes and sleep for her.” The hand on my shoulder became firmer, and he added, “Come on, I’ll take you home.”
The truth was that I didn’t want to go back to the dorm. It’d only remind me of her, and right now that was not something I needed. But where else would I go? I couldn’t go with Levi to his fraternity house. Dean would throw a fit.
That one…oh, that one I’d deal with later, once the shock of last night wore off. Once I didn’t feel like simultaneously crying and screaming into the void.
I let Levi help me up, let him hold my hand as we walked out of her room. I tossed one last look at her as we went, a pang stinging my heart like the soft organ it was. An idiot—that’s me. I didn’t know how much I cared for Mel until she was almost gone.
Stupid. Just stupid. You’d think, after being so fucking stupid for the first eighteen years of my life, I would’ve gotten smarter by now.
I didn’t. Just add that to the list of mistakes I’d made in my life.
Through the brightly-lit halls, Levi led me. We made it to his car in under ten minutes, my stomach queasy. I didn’t eat dinner last night, but food was the last thing on my mind. Probably would’ve just thrown it up, anyways.
Levi once again opened the car door for me, waiting until I was safely inside before shutting it. Kind of like a gentleman, which was a little weird, because I never viewed Levi as the gentlemanly sort. Hmm. Maybe he was simply being nice to me because he knew how difficult this night was for me.
Yeah, that had to be it.
I said nothing as I buckled my seatbelt, watching as Levi got in and did the same. He threw me a quick, worried glance before starting the car and driving out of the parking lot. Once we were on the road, his right hand found my leg, resting on it comfortably, as if it had always been there. As if that hand was made to rest on my leg.
And, in a way, it was.
Before I knew what I was doing, I set a hand atop his, lightly running my fingers over his knuckles. For such a tough guy, he had pretty soft hands. No scars to be seen, his tanned skin flawless. Not hairy, either. I couldn’t do a guy with hairy hands. No gorillas for me, sorry. I did have some standards, even though it might not seem like it.
Levi parked his car in the big lot at the end of campus, and I was slow in getting out. My legs felt almost wooden, like it’d been ages since I’d walked on them. It was true, I’d spent most of my night curled up in a chair, but still.
He came around his car, locked it, and after sliding the keys into his pocket, he grabbed my hand and led me to the nearest sidewalk, heading towards my dorm, which loomed on the horizon in the very early light of day. Levi better be careful; the way he held onto my hand almost made me think we were dating.
We weren’t.
Were we?
The sun hadn’t risen yet, so the sky was alive with purples and reds, a watercolor of change. A beautiful sight, though I wasn’t one to normally ogle nature’s beauties. I let them pass, too lost in my own world to stop and smell the roses.
But what happened to Mel, what Mel did…it made me wonder if maybe I should. Life wasn’t just about the parties or the responsibilities. It was about having fun, but recognizing that we weren’t immortal. Our time on this world was short-lived in the grand scheme of things, so we had to make the most of it.
Levi broke the silence between us, glancing down at me, the expression on his face unreadable. No one could ever tell what was going on in that man’s head; I knew better enough to try. “I know it’s not exactly the right time, but…”
The moment he spoke, I knew what he was referring to. Me needing time to think. Me telling him to hold off. How I’d told him that us hooking up in that bathroom didn’t mean we were back together.
“So pushy,” I whispered, turning away to stare at the empty buildings we walked by. It was too early; no one else was out. It was just him and I. No better time than the present to bare my truths…because we might not have another moment. Life might come at us with another curveball, and I stuck to my guns when I said I didn’t want to live a life full of regrets.
Mistakes, yes. Things I wished I could go back and change? Hell yeah. But life was too short to spend it regretting every little thing—and every big thing. It was literally now or never.
“I think we both know what I’m going to say,” I told him, tossing my head back with a swagger I was not feeling in this particular time. “You’re like…well, you’re impossible to avoid, you’re persistent as fuck, and somehow in spite of
