I knew these streets and their sidewalks better than I knew my own heart. I ended up on the sidewalk near the high school, slowing to stop to catch my breath. It was chilly out, but with all the running, I sweated under the hoodie. The wind whipped my hair back and forth, creating a mess of knots I’d have to deal with later, and I stared at the large, almost windowless building I’d spent four years in, having fun and shirking off.
Those days were long gone now, weren’t they?
I didn’t stop at the school for long; I kept going, running to the more trashier part of town, where I knew Ash lived. Would she be home for Thanksgiving? I…I needed her. If there was ever a time I needed my best friend, it was now.
Ash and her mom had moved recently into a small house—that was basically a trailer with foundation. Small, no garage, surrounded by a bunch of other similar homes. I found my way there within ten minutes, unable to run anymore. Too tired. Too out of breath still.
I slowed when I reached the stone driveway. There were no cars parked, so I wondered if Ash or her mom were even home. My feet drew me to the front door, and I knocked once, sticking my hands back in my pockets to avoid the cold.
I waited, and I waited. And then, after that, I waited some more.
She wasn’t home. No one was.
Heaving a sigh, I turned on my heel, about to head somewhere else, maybe go home, when a car’s headlights cut through the dying daylight. I stopped, watching as the car parked itself on the driveway, and Helen Bonds herself got out.
Helen Bonds was pretty much Ash plus twenty-five years. Blonde hair, pretty eyes, skinny frame. She’d never had a husband, at least not for a while. Ash’s dad left them both a very long time ago, practically when Helen was still pregnant with Ash. The dad had the money, and he took it when he left. Every once in a while he sent Ash some gifts, trying to stay in touch, be on her good side, but that didn’t really work out for him. I’d never seen the fucker.
She ran up to me, giving me a quick hug. “Kelsey, honey. How are you?” She released me almost immediately, remembering I wasn’t much of a hugger. Neither was she, but it had been a while since I’d seen her. Ash and I used to spend every waking hour together. She was like my second mom.
Right now, I was pretty sure I liked her better than my own mom.
“Tired,” I said, the truth. I followed her to the front door as she fiddled with her keys to unlock it. “Is Ash home?”
Helen gave me a look, the door to her house half-open, her key still in the lock. “She went back to Hillcrest early. We had Thanksgiving with her roommate. She didn’t tell you?” She pulled the key from the lock, giving me a strange look.
Ah, so Ash hadn’t told her mom what happened between us. Good.
“Oh, uh,” I paused, grasping at straws, “I guess with everything else going on, I just forgot.”
Helen’s expression softened. She wasn’t the loving, motherly type, but I’d take her any day over mine. At least right now. “Why don’t you come inside? I can make us some hot chocolate.”
That…actually sounded pretty good.
In fifteen minutes, I was nestled on the small couch in their living room, a piping hot mug of hot cocoa in my hands, sipping it gingerly. Slowly, to avoid burning my tongue. Helen made herself some too, and she sat beside me, grabbing the end of the blanket on my legs and pulling it over her feet. She’d changed out of her work clothes, in her pajamas now. She was a photographer, and work came and went. I was actually surprised she had to work today.
“So how are you doing?” Helen asked, eyeing me up. “I heard about your parents. I’m sorry.”
I shrugged. “It’s fine, I guess. Neither one of them were happy, so…” I knew I was being childish, acting out, but…hearing the fact that my mom was already seeing someone else, living with him—and had been seeing him for almost two freaking years—had pushed me over the edge.
“It’s still got to be rough, especially since you didn’t see it coming,” Helen set her mug on the coffee table before us, reaching for me. She squeezed a hand. “With you and Ash in college now, I’m lonely over here. I know it’s not the same, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, and she released my hand.
“At least their divorce was friendly. It gets so much worse when the two parties want to kill each other.”
“Was that how you and Ash’s dad were?”
Helen nodded. She’d put her blonde hair in a low, messy bun. “Oh, I hated him. I hated his guts. Still do, so I think it’s a good thing your parents are trying to do it amicably. They’re only thinking of you, you know. They want you to be happy.”
I stared down into the mug, at the warm brown liquid in it. “I’m afraid I’ll never be happy.”
There it was. My deepest, darkest fear brought to life. Me, Kelsey Yates, absolutely terrified that I’ll never be happy, that I’ll never know contentment. Seemed stupid, didn’t it? I went out and did what I wanted, and it brought me temporary happiness, but long-term? Long-term I just felt empty.
“Why would you say
