I blinked, as innocent as I could possibly be. “What? Using my charm to deflect the situation and turn it around on you? That’s not working?”
“Not at all. Tell me what’s going on. You always ask how Hillcrest is going, but you never tell me how it’s going for you.” Ash was blunt, something she’d always been. “Having trouble with your classes?”
Suddenly I’d lost all my appetite. “No.”
“Your roommate?”
“No, she’s fine.” Fine was kind of an exaggeration with Mel, but oh well.
“Then what is it?” Ash tilted her head, studying me. Her blonde and pink hair fell in her face, her eyes narrowing. “Don’t tell me you’re having boy troubles. You never have boy troubles—you’re always the one giving the boys trouble.”
Me giving the boys trouble. Now that was a heaping helping of truth, but here and now? It was the furthest from the truth a statement could possibly be.
I rolled my eyes, muttering, “Boy troubles. You sound like my mom. But…yeah. I’m having boy troubles. One boy, specifically—although I think anyone would argue he’s more of a man…” I bit my lip as I thought of Levi, his blue eyes, how they came to life when I called him Blue.
God, I missed those times. Was that wrong of me?
“Okay,” Ash spoke slowly, “so you’re having man troubles.”
Suddenly my mouth took on a mind of its own, and I blabbered away, “I like a guy, I think, but he’s kind of a dick.” Dick was an understatement. He was a whole big bag of dicks all rolled into one. “He’s so sexy, though. Like damn, the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on. So hot you could lick chocolate off him and not worry about how disgusting that is.” I sighed as I shoved my hands into my hoodie pocket.
“You think you like him?”
I thought on her words. Ash, my good friend, saw right through me. There was no point trying to lie here, and as much as I hated to admit it…I sort of did, in spite of everything. “Yeah, either that, or I hate him. At this point, I don’t know which one.”
Ash’s lips quirked into a smile. “So you needed some time away.”
“And I needed to visit an old friend.” Yeah, time away from Levi and visiting an old friend. That wasn’t weird, was it? Me hoping to lose myself this weekend wasn’t wrong, was it? It wasn’t like Levi and I were together. We weren’t. It wasn’t wrong if I hooked up with a guy.
Was it? Clearly, I’d lost my moral compass some time ago and had been unable to find it ever since.
“I really do miss you,” I said, meaning it. “It’s not the same without you. Things have definitely changed since high school.” I grew quiet, hating how mushy-gushy I sounded. If there was one thing I wasn’t, it was mushy-gushy. “How is it going with you? I don’t mean the thing with those guys, but…everything else?”
“Everything’s fine,” Ash said, and I could tell she was lying. Nothing was fine. Whatever was going on in her life was nagging at her, too.
Still, if she was going to lie, so was I. I picked up enthusiasm, saying, “Great, then we can go out and party like the old days.”
Once we finished up eating, we cleaned up and headed out to my car. On the drive back to the dorm—or, well, the parking lot where I’d have to park the rust bucket all weekend—I told Ash about our costumes. And by costumes, I meant the two nametags I’d brought.
Ash held up the Hello, my Name is… nametags, her grey eyes wide.
“This is our costume?” She sounded absolutely incredulous, which made me smile. “Stickers. We’re going to wear stickers? You know any party around here is going to have tons of rich kids in costumes that cost more to insure than this car?”
Hey, I never said my costume idea would go toe-to-toe with these rich boys’ costumes…which was why we were going to Stanton.
I bolstered up my confidence, pretending to act like the old me, flashing Ash a wide smile. “Oh, yeah, I’m betting on it. I’m hoping to find someone with at least a decent sense of humor. A man has to make me laugh before taking me to pound-town.”
Ash just about died laughing at me, which made me feel…strange. I didn’t like hiding things from her.
Maybe this weekend wouldn’t be as fun as I wanted it to be.
I went on, “I’m all for getting us equal dick, but I think you should be my wingwoman first—”
Ash cut in, interrupting me, “I’ll be your wingwoman, but I…let’s just make it about you, okay? I don’t need any.” Kind of sounded like she was making excuses, like her life already had enough dick in it, which I supposed it did. She was going to an all-male university, for goodness sakes.
I had to park the rust bucket in the commuter parking lot, and I tossed my bag over my shoulder. Ash and I walked to her dorm, and all the while I couldn’t help but be in awe of the campus around me.
Every single building was new. There was not a single old-looking place around. Everything around here screamed rich, and I felt so unbelievably out of place. Even her dorm building was fancy. Marble floors, stainless steel elevators that looked shiny and new. My skin itched just being here. How did Ash put up with it?
Ash stopped us once we were in front of her dorm room, inserting her key before pushing in. We walked in at
