“So, Mel, you’re majoring in business,” I rattled off. “What do you want to be?” A way to fill the silence of the room. The TV’s volume was so low, I could hardly hear it. But that was the point. Talking just to fill the void. I frankly didn’t know what business majors were good for, what jobs required them.
Me? I was still undecided, taking the general classes first before ultimately deciding. I…I didn’t know what I wanted to be. How were you supposed to know what career you wanted for the rest of your life when you were only eighteen years old?
Mel let out a short laugh. “Uh, you know…I don’t know. My parents pretty much told me what to major in, but I don’t think they have any idea, either.”
“Do you always listen to mommy and daddy?” Mel didn’t talk about her parents often. In fact, she said she never went home to avoid them, because they were so focused on controlling her. I couldn’t even imagine how much worse they got after her attempted suicide. Helicopter parents. If my parents were like that, I’d go insane.
Her thin shoulders rose and fell once. “No, but…they always told me that Dean wasn’t good enough for me, and they turned out to be right about that, so…” Mel trailed off, suddenly looking sad. It was impressive how fast her expression could turn to one of doom and gloom. “It isn’t like I grew up wanting to be a lawyer or a teacher or something. I’d take any job after this, as long as it pays the bills.”
“Me too,” I agreed. Maybe Mel and I were more alike than I thought.
My eyes were back on the TV, but I could tell Mel still stared at me, no longer working on her homework. I pretended to ignore her, that was, until she opened her mouth and asked, “How are things with Levi? He came here looking for you, while you were gone, you know.”
No, I didn’t know that. And no, I didn’t want to know that.
Levi came looking for me? Why? He saw me drive off with my mom. He should’ve known I’d be gone for the weekend. He might’ve come looking for me, but he didn’t text me once. Didn’t try to call. Clearly, he didn’t care that much.
Or maybe that’s just what I told myself to try to make myself feel better.
“Nothing is going on between me and Levi,” I told her, hoping the confidence behind my voice proved it. “With everything he did to you, Mel, I…I don’t want anything to do with him.” I’d dropped that boy faster than a used condom after a dirty round of sex. I tried to, at least.
Mel frowned.
“What?”
“I believe you, but…” Mel was slow to close her laptop, her dark eyes lingering on me. “Levi played me so well last year, Kelsey. I don’t want him to play you, too—and maybe it’s stupid, but I feel like this is my fault.”
Blaming herself…for my stress regarding Levi?
“Why is it your fault?” I asked, knowing she was wrong. She had to be wrong.
“You’re my roommate. What are the odds that Levi went after you, not knowing?” Mel shook her head. “I don’t trust him. I mean, I don’t trust anyone after what happened, but I really don’t trust him.” Mel let out a sigh. “And Dean. Him and Dean.”
“They’re both dickbags,” I agreed. Hey, I could agree and still want to lick one of them from head to toe, right? “But seriously, Mel, you don’t have to worry. I’m not falling for any of Levi’s lies.” Kind of another lie, but, eh. Mel didn’t need to know just how deep my feelings for him ran.
“That’s what I swore to myself after Dean broke my heart,” Mel muttered. “That I wouldn’t fall for anyone else’s lies ever again.” Her eyelids fluttered shut as she added, “But I didn’t listen to my own advice.”
“You can’t beat yourself up for that,” I told her, meaning it. There were countless of things out there about people falling in love. Books, movies, TV shows, comics. Love was something most people wanted. The fact that Mel had wanted it after having her heart broken wasn’t a bad thing. She ended up choosing poorly, and added onto the fact that Levi was a good liar, and, well. We all knew where the story ended.
I never wanted to love anyone. Not yet, anyway. I just wanted to have the time of my life, to party it up, because once adulthood came, it would be all about bills and work and other responsibilities.
And to fall in love with a guy like Levi, with his past? Ugh. If I could’ve smacked some sense into me, I would have done so already.
“I guess,” Mel whispered. She got up and went to her tiny closet, picking up her shower caddy and grabbing her towel. “I’m going to shower.” She said nothing else as she left the room abruptly, almost like she didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
I didn’t blame her, but…I really hoped she didn’t think that I would continue to moon over Levi. I wasn’t going to choose his side over hers. Friends were more important than boyfriends…something I’d rightly fucked up lately.
I had to be better than this. Had to be.
That was something easier said than done, I was afraid. I hardly got any sleep that night, feeling uneasy about everything. And when I
