He smiled and shifted his gaze to River. “What do you say? Should we have a go with the kid today?”
Please, please, please, please.
River hummed. “I don’t know.” He side-eyed me, no doubt seeing the plea in my eyes. “Can we trust you to use your safeword if you need to?”
“Yes.” I clutched his arm, ready to beg on my knees. “I promise. I’ll be completely honest. Hell, I swear on my brothers.”
They couldn’t know just how big that was for me, but I recognized that I had to repair the damage I’d caused.
“I promise, River,” I implored. “Both of you—I swear. We can talk limits and stuff now if you want. All of it. I may not want to discuss my life outside of kink, but that’s not what you’re interested in anyway. You wanna know my limits, my likes, dislikes, and if I have any triggers. Right?”
Reese sat up and grabbed the pizza box, placing it on the ground for now. “It doesn’t work that way, I’m afraid. Not in your case.”
River inclined his head. “Most of the time, Reese and I don’t care about anything other than what you listed. Limits, triggers, and so on. But most of our previous partners didn’t make it a habit of asking Sadists to beat them without asking why.”
I sat back and chewed on my thumbnail.
“That question of yours makes it clear you’re hiding something,” Reese went on. “You’ve raised enough red flags in the community that digging for your history isn’t merely a personal interest for us—it’s something we’d feel better knowing in order to ensure safe play.” He paused. “We will push those buttons, Shay.”
He had to open that door, didn’t he?
I bit at a cuticle and couldn’t help but feel irritated. “What if it’s a limit?”
“Then we will respect that,” he replied. “We will also respectfully decline to play with you on that level.”
Fuuuuck.
As infuriating as I found him—or them—I got it. They were right. I had raised red flags, despite that it had never been my intention to gain any attention that way. I’d just phrased myself like that to weed out the good Sadists, the guys like…well, River and Reese.
Go fucking figure. Isela could not have been more wrong. She’d claimed the twins played more recklessly.
“What’ve you got to lose?” River asked, cocking his head at me. “You’re on a trajectory of your own. You’ve chosen a path that steers you away from others. Your actions have made that clear. Do you care what others might think about whatever it is you’re hiding?”
“No,” I replied quickly. “I don’t give a shit about that.”
“Then why does it matter if Reese and I found out the truth?” he continued. “Are your convictions that weak? Are you afraid we’re going to change your mind about something?”
No! Maybe! I didn’t know! “No.” I glared and gnashed my teeth. “They’re definitely not weak, and you won’t change shit.” Why was it that every time we discussed playing, everything went south? I just wanted to—fuck it. “You know what? Fine,” I bit out. “Dig for whatever the fuck you want. I know I won’t change my mind, and it doesn’t matter what you guys think. Have at it.”
God, they were fucking annoying. If I were smart, I’d get the hell out of here. Instead, I stormed off like some dramatic bitch and went into the pool so I could cool off.
The discussion was probably pointless anyway. The scenes River and Reese spoke of were nothing but fantasies that belonged in romance novels, not reality. They weren’t going to accomplish what they thought appeared simple. I wasn’t a twig. I didn’t break that easily.
* * *
Now what?
As the rainy afternoon slowly morphed into a rainy evening, I became restless and impatient for something to happen.
After my fit earlier, River and Reese had agreed to play with me. For having pushed me so far, they didn’t seem very excited about my consent to let them go nuts. It was what they wanted, for chrissakes. But either way, we’d gone through my limits, experiences, and fantasies properly—from degradation and humiliation to heavy pain and kinks like rapeplay, mental torture, and interrogation—and I’d sworn up and down to be honest and use my safeword if I needed it. Then, nothing. River had walked off to “check shit out,” whatever that meant, and Reese had announced he had some work to do inside the main house.
I’d been told I would know the moment the play began.
Given that I was currently alone in their cabin watching TV, that moment wasn’t now.
I didn’t know what to do. I’d showered, I’d tidied up in the bedroom, the kitchen area, and out by the pool; I’d checked in with my brothers and Aunt Mel, and I had rejected every movie on Netflix. I’d mulled over sending Isela a message but had second thoughts. Being online didn’t appeal to me.
“Enough of this bullshit.” I’d caught myself tapping my feet restlessly one time too many by now, and I was done. Knowing where River kept his smokes in the kitchen, I left the couch and aimed for the lower cupboard next to the fridge. I’d repay him later. Or them both; I’d eaten and lived off of the twins for almost three days now. Maybe they could let me borrow a car and pick up groceries in town.
It wasn’t too late, and I was getting hungry. I could buy us dinner.
I didn’t wanna owe them anything.
As I stood outside on the little porch and smoked a cigarette, I kept an eye on the house for any sign of life. I’d only seen a single couple—albeit briefly—since around noon. Everyone else had left, and it made the house look bigger. Almost too big. I bet they’d had the place painted black for a reason. It reminded me of a stereotypical haunted house. Sitting up on a hill and all.
I glanced up
