“Yeah, well, it seems like a lot has been shoved under the bed in this situation.” Jamie sat back in her chair. “You know what would help us to come up with those theories, Chuckles?”
I nearly banged my head on the table at her usage of Noah’s nickname, since it really was not the right time. But his face remained impassive.
“The entire story,” Lindsey answered, looking directly at me. “We need to know everything that went on with you and your ex.”
When I didn’t respond, she covered my hand with her own. “I’m sure it was difficult, and I know you want to leave it in the past, but we need you whole and here and safe. And if it affects all the rest of us too, well, there’s really no choice. We can’t keep putting the band and the crew and Lila and her family in danger to save feelings and respect boundaries. We just can’t. I’m sorry.”
“There’s not much to tell. I swear. It wasn’t that deep. I mean, it was, in the sense we were in love—or I thought we were.” I took a quick glance at Cooper and realized he was staring somewhere over my shoulder. “My parents helped me with the purchase of the brownstone, and we rented out the other apartment for income. Pat moved in with me shortly after I got the place.”
I lowered my head. I didn’t know why. Guilt, maybe, that I’d told my best friend so little about such an important relationship. Cooper was closer than just about anybody to me, but somehow, he wasn’t close enough for me to share this.
Or perhaps I was just ashamed that I could have let this happen to me. That I hadn’t prevented it somehow. Gotten out sooner. Cooper was always telling me I was tougher than I looked, but was I?
“Go on,” Lila said gently.
“We had dated for maybe six months at that point. It was probably too soon. But I thought we were building something. He’d mentioned kids and marriage and I thought…”
“You thought you could trust him.”
I nodded at Cooper, trying valiantly not to cry. “Yeah. And then he started seeming on edge a lot. He’d always joked he had an anger management problem, but I couldn’t say or do anything right. His teasing turned into insults. Really mean stuff. We’d get into an argument about something dumb, and he’d shake me. Hard.” My hand trembled as I reached for my soda.
Wordlessly, Cooper leaned across the table and pulled the tab for me, then pushed it my way. The small kindness made my tears overflow, but I shook my head when Lindsey reached for me.
“I’m okay.” I took a quick drink of soda. “It could’ve been so much worse. He never hit me, not exactly. Just shoved and shook me and broke things. He always apologized afterward. Almost always. And sometimes, when we were—” I looked at Lila. “I’m sorry, this is kind of private.”
“Then you don’t have to say it. Or we can talk later. Or we’ll clear the room.”
The guys started rising, without me having to ask. Even Cooper, although I could see the clear conflict on his face. He wanted to be here for me, just in case.
I smiled weakly and held up a hand. “No. Stay. It’s not that bad. I’m just being silly. We live together. I’ve seen all your dicks. Well, not Cooper’s yet. Which is weird.”
At the uneasy silence that descended, I dipped back my head. Leave it to me to be awkward squared.
“Okay. So, when we were being intimate, he started getting rougher. Which would’ve been all right if I’d had any warning. Before then, he’d teased me for being so small, and then it was like he thought I could take anything. Like he didn’t care. I had so many bruises I stopped wearing camis and tank tops, and he didn’t even hit me. He just manhandled me. And not in the good way.”
I wasn’t aware of my sniffling until Lindsey pressed a tissue into my hand.
“I wanted to break it off, but he’d lost his job. He’d always said art was his ‘stress reliever’, except it hadn’t been going well either. Nothing was. But when he shattered my crystal piano figurine from my grandmother, I screamed at him to leave. He threw me against my piano and cleared a bookshelf with his arm. And he left.” Suddenly, my eyes were dust dry as I met Cooper’s gaze. The compassion in his dark, dark eyes nearly broke me. “He didn’t argue anymore or try to keep me. He just let me go.”
And God, was that really how I felt? Still? After all this time and all the water under the bridge?
It had to be because of the long, exhausting, terrifying day. I wasn’t regressing in all the progress I’d made. My tough outer shell had crumbled a little today. That was all.
“Fucker.” Jamie slung her arm around my shoulders. “I’d kick his ass for you.”
“Me too,” Lindsey chimed in with a half hug of her own.
“Forget kicking ass.” Oz cracked his knuckles. “Any man who harms a woman needs a boot to the skull.”
“Thank you. All of you. For listening. For not hating me.” The last part came out in a whisper.
“Of course we don’t hate you.” Lindsey rubbed my arm.
“The break-in,” Cooper murmured. “What happened?”
I could tell he didn’t want to ask yet he needed to know. They all did.
They’d given me so much. I owed them the full truth.
I told them quickly what had happened. How I’d been out on a date with a new guy and returned home to find the place in shambles. I’d called Elle and Mal, and they’d come to stay with me while we contacted the police.
“They didn’t catch him and I never heard from him again. Until—”
Cooper’s gaze sharpened. “Until?”
I
