For those of us who love the sport and defend it, modern doping offences leave us wincing. It is the most rigorously tested sport on the planet. Which means cheats have a significant chance of being caught. When they are, it is wounding for us fans. That said, some of the older ruses can indeed raise a smile. Let’s call it Pirate Syndrome; think Blackbeard rather than Pantani (aka Il Pirata) for a moment.
Kids love a tale of derring-do with a bit of swashbuckling, whatever that means. Truth is, pirates were evil murderous marauders responsible for some truly heinous crimes. Time has softened their reputation to the near comedic. So it is with some early cycling cheats.
Choo-Choo Cheats
1903 saw the first Tour de France, with Maurice Garin the inaugural winner. It was a small band of brothers who survived that first amazing test of endurance. Garin beat Lucien Pothier by a margin just shy of three hours, with Fernand Augereau a further hour and a half behind in third.
Garin and Pothier had a fine year getting paid for talking about the great event in smoky cafés and packed town halls. They ate and drank well, being fêted throughout the land. Unfortunately, this celebrity regime took a toll and then, in the blink of an eye, it was suddenly time to defend the title. . . Ah!
Maurice and Lucien had both fallen victim to the ‘Winning and Dining’ lifestyle. They were a bit fat. Neither was in the mood, or shape, to go through the hell of Le Tour again so soon. Thus it is rumoured that Maurice, Lucien and others decided to seek help – in the form of steam and railway timetables.
The Tour was dogged with controversy and nine competitors were disqualified for, among other things, being pulled by or even sitting inside cars.
The original results saw the miraculous Maurice Garin successfully defend his title, with Pothier again coming second – though by a much narrower margin of 6 minutes 28 seconds. Hippolyte Aucouturier won four of the six enormous stages that circled France to finish fourth behind the winner’s brother, César Garin, who made up the podium. Cosy.
The results weren’t to last, however, because the French cycling union, L’Union Vélocipédique de France, decided to interview competitors and witnesses, and then, in December 1904, disqualified the first four finishers.
The UVF never revealed its reasoning, but there are rumours of Garin taking a train. This claim was confirmed many years later by a man who, as a boy, had heard Garin tell this story.
A total of 12 riders were disqualified. Henri Cornet, who originally finished fifth, was now blowing his own trumpet as the newly declared winner.
Things had to change and for the 1905 Tour rules were tightened, and the scrutiny of results, and just about everything else, now became the norm. Sadly, despite this welcome rigour, cycling now had an image problem regarding integrity. It still has.
Baaaa-d boys!
In more modern times, it’s said racers in Ireland used to be able to hire a flock of sheep to ‘help out’. Apparently in the 1970s the going rate was equivalent to about €35. Timing was of the essence to pull this one off. The chosen rider made his breakaway ahead of the appointed location, whereupon a gate was opened and a flock of sheep went about its business moving from one field to another via the country road that formed part of the course. Sean Kelly told me once, with a twinkle in his eye, ‘That could gain a man as much as ten minutes. That’s a good night out in Carrick!’ I still don’t know if he’s pulling my leg on this one.
‘He’s got welder’s goggles on at the moment and he’s white hot.’
Sticky Stick Doping
It’s in time trialling that most of the questions have been raised about riders gaining an unfair advantage. It’s the race of truth – just one man against the clock – which gives it a certain purity. But if one rider has an outstanding ride, questions are sure to be asked. One such incident came in the Milk Race in the 1960s when one rider recorded an extraordinary time that had jaws dropping all the way down to the tarmac. Nobody could work out how he’d done it. No rules appeared to have been broken.
The secret came down to a simple broom handle. The rules in a time trial dictate that a team car can draw alongside a rider but it must remain 2m (6ft 6in) from him. Encouragement is all that is allowed. The 2-metre distance is a hard one to bridge. But with a little good housekeeping it can be managed by the unscrupulous. It turned out that the broom kept in the car was not for tidying up. It had another use. At any opportune moment the broom handle was extended out of the car’s rear window and the end hooked behind the back of the rider’s seat post. Tidy!
Accommodation Doping
Are you all sleeping comfortably? Then I’ll begin. In 2015 the term ‘Accommodation Doping’ was first used after Team Sky’s ‘marginal gains’ drive extended to the sleeping arrangements for Richie Porte, the Giro d’Italia team leader. Rather than being billeted in hotels with his teammates, Porte had a luxury motorhome parked outside each of the overnight stops. It meant the same room and conditions for Porte throughout the race. Same bed, quilt and pillow, teddy bear, night light . . . you name it. All this without the need to pack, unpack or check in anywhere. Luxury.
Other teams objected. Small teams could not afford to copy the Sky model, and were not happy at all, complaining about the potential advantage. This gathered some critical momentum in the press.
Under the existing rules, teams were required to take as their location for the night of each stage the hotel booking that had been arranged by the race organisers. The quality of the hotels does vary dramatically. Tales and complaints about
