The Unspeakables all exchanged excited whispers at the idea of that and as Saint led the way up to the top floor to start their search, we followed on after.
“I really hope this works,” Tatum murmured, staying in my arms even though we were inside now and the heating was warm enough to make me sweat within my padded coat.
As Saint opened doors and Kyan prowled in and out of the dorms, checking on the hunt, I walked her to my room at the far end of the corridor, where I’d brought her all those weeks ago and fallen into my bed with her in my arms.
“You know,” I said in a low voice, just for her as I turned her and gently pushed her back against the door so that I could look into her big eyes. “I’d fucked a lot of girls before I met you.”
“Okay…”
“But,” I hurried on. “I never…clicked with any of them the way I did with you that night.”
“You mean before you got that phone call and decided to destroy me for something I didn’t even do?” she asked icily.
“Yeah,” I replied in a sad tone. “I just, want you to know that it was real for me. Real in a way I don’t think I’ve ever experienced before and I know it’s all my fault that that got fucked up and everything... and I’m not asking you to forgive me, because what I did was unforgivable. What I got the others to do too-”
“They’re big boys, they made their own choices,” she said.
“Yeah. Kinda. But the three of us stick together, no matter what. It’s our one, iron clad law. And I was so fucking destroyed by my mom’s death. So fucking devastated and angry and in such need of somewhere to aim all of that rage and hatred and injustice that when I fucked up and directed it at you, I really believed that destroying you was what I needed. What it would take to fix this aching fucking wound in me. And I know that’s twisted and messed up and doesn’t even really make sense, but I believed it. Saint’s always been one for redirecting his emotions, so he believed it would work. Plus, he struggles to really give a shit about people. All people. Like, he’s been brought up in the most fucked up way and his dad basically made him believe that most people are expendable. He’s only ever truly placed value on Kyan and me, so for him it was a sensible choice to make. And Kyan just…I think he was just hurting for me so much that he didn’t care. If you were the sacrifice that needed to be made to mend my heart then he was willing to make it. Because when he loves someone, he’s willing to give it all. Even his morals, the objections he would have raised if it had been for any other reason-”
“He decided to sacrifice a stranger to save his brother?” she asked and a tear slipped down her cheek.
“He hasn’t met many good people in his life. Many people he would think of as worth saving. In fact, he kinda pre-assumes that everyone is hiding some fucked up secret. So it wouldn’t have been hard for him to convince himself that you deserved it one way or another. Even if it was just in payment for the chance of my recovery.” I reached out to swipe another tear from beneath her eye and she leaned into my touch, making me swallow thickly.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that.”
“Nothing,” I replied instantly. “I just…I guess I want you to know that you should blame me for it. Not the others. Not really. I mean, I’m not saying you can just forget the shit they’ve done or whatever but, the three of us, we’re just a bunch of fuck ups really. And there are reasons for that. But they’re not excuses. I’m just, sorry.”
She looked at me for the longest moment, the silence between us stretching to eternity even with the banging and crashing of the searches going on around us. But the look in her eyes made hope stir in my chest. It wasn’t the first time I’d apologised to her, but this time…it felt like the first time she’d heard it.
“I’ve found something!” Squits yelled excitedly from down the corridor and we both turned towards his voice as Kyan and Saint exited other rooms and hurried into the one he was in.
By the time we made it inside, Saint had shoved Squits out of the way and Kyan threw his fist into the wall as Saint lifted a pair of red lace panties from a drawer beneath the bed.
Tatum inhaled sharply and I shifted closer to get a look at what else was there. Photographs, underwear, a copy of her timetable, a sports bra, a dirty towel.
“Whose room is this?” Tatum hissed and Saint snarled with rage as he dropped the panties and stalked past us, tapping away on his cellphone with furious thumbs.
“I’ve sent a message to Monroe and he’s bringing him out to see us as we speak,” he growled, storming from the dorm without giving us the
