"Sorry, Marcus," he says."You know I didn't mean to offend you. I was just trying to explain the basic principle I'm adopting. I wanted to make it as clear as day, because I know right now it isn't clear at all. All I'm saying is that if you continue to ignore him then he'll continue to grow stronger. You need to stop that before he completely overpowers you. Again..."
"How? Just how the fuck do I do that?"
Richard remains nearly motionless as he continues talking, hands clasped tightly together, only his mouth moving, like a ventriloquist's dummy . "You need to face him. You need to stand up to him. In essence, Marcus, you need to fight him..."
I stand up and flip over the chair in one fell swoop. Turn my back to Richard, my mentor. I don't hear him protest. Hold on to the magnificent bookshelf for support on the way out. I open the door but don't shut it. I feel the receptionist's eyes on me, curious and concerned, as I walk past her, but I don't turn to look at her and I don't acknowledge her existence. The whole building is claustrophobic, sucking the breath from my body. I need to get out.
I stand in the car park, bent over with my hands on my knees, just like I did in the tunnel when I waited for Simon. People walk past me. I can tell that they are stopping, wondering whether to ask whether I'm alright or, alternatively, if I'm having a breakdown. Possibly, they weigh up how much time they have available to deal with me, whether they'll make their next appointment in time. It is possible that some do stop; I don't know. I stand up straight. Look around. The sky is gloriously blue, the pavements dry as a bone, just as they have been for the whole of June.
And I am alone.
I can deal with this. I can cope. I am strong. I have coped with everything so far, and I will deal with everything moving forward. With or without Richard. Fuck Richard. Scumbag. Traitor. Judas.
And then, just as the clouds in my mind begin to clear, as a rainbow forms, as my thoughts start to make sense, my phone rings.
The red phone.
*******
I pull the phone from my pocket and then just stare at it, letting it ring.
Is my mind playing tricks on me? Again? Maybe I am paranoid? I pine for insanity. No. It is the red phone. It is the phone he gave me. There is a number. I could just put the phone back in my pocket, let it ring. I could turn the phone off. I could throw the phone on the floor and stamp on it until it crumbles into tiny, broken pieces. I have choices. He can only speak to me if I decide to speak to him. I am in control. Richard's words taunt me. He whispers them in my ear. You can't keep ignoring him. He is only growing stronger.
I press a button, pull the phone to my ear.
I don't say anything. I am in control here. I am in control here. Could just be a wrong number. Some old dear or a prank caller. I wait for whoever is on the other end of the line to speak. I keep waiting. They don't say anything. Somebody breathes into the receiver. It is gentle and rhythmic, rather than heavy and deliberate. I need to know who it is. I need to reassure myself that it is not him.
"Hello?" I say, breaking the silence.
The silence returns. It is just somebody playing games,. It is just a prank caller. I'm ready to put the phone down.
He speaks.
"Hello, Jeffrey," he says. "Or should I call you Marcus now? No, I think I'll stick with Jeffrey. Seems so much more suitable for the real you. It has been a long time and, I must say, it has been absolutely glorious to catch up with you over the last few weeks..."
It is the voice in my head, the voice I've been hearing more and more frequently recently. It is the uninvited voice that has got into my head and stayed there. I tell myself that it might not be him. It could be somebody imitating him. After all, whoever it is wants me to believe they are Spartacus.
"What do you want?"
"Want? Why do you think I want anything, Jeffrey? Haven't we had a splendid time recently? Have I not added some fun to that dreadfully dull and predictable life of yours? You should be thanking me. Okay, but you've got me. The days are passing till the end of the month and I think it is time I progress things to the next level, don't you? Before I lose interest..."
"I want you to lose interest."
"But if I lose interest, Jeffrey, then you know I'll just kill you right now..."
I look around. Is he watching me? A stretch of lawn runs along the edge of the pavement, and every twelve feet or so there is a tree with a wide trunk. On the other side of the road is a row of terraced houses. He could be anywhere. The quiet laughter builds and builds until I pull the phone away from my ear. He can see me looking around.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Now you're getting the idea, Jeffrey. I need to make sure you are committed, that's all. The
