“To dream is to fail, Alice, you should know that. Why don’t you think practically? Why don’t you take the easy road? You were always trouble from the start, and now you have nothing to believe in.”
“I have a lot to believe in,” I whispered.
“Do you? Do you really?”
I tried to think of everything I believed in but nothing but fear was in my mind. Fear of everything I cared for leaving me. “Leave me alone! Get out of my head!”
He put his hand on my cheek. “Dear, dear Alice. If you wanted me gone you would have already done so. You know I speak the truth so you can’t get me out of my mind. You are nothing like the Alice of legend. You are just a scared little girl that has no hope for a future. I can’t believe anyone had trust in you. You are not her, you will never be her.”
I shook my head. “I’m not Alice, I never wanted to be Alice. I can never be as great, I can never defeat the Cirque de Rêves. I am just a failure, the Alice before me was so much stronger. I have failed.”
“That’s right. You aren’t worthy to carry the name of Alice. You are just an imposter, aren’t you?”
I slowly nodded, his words penetrating like a knife. How could I be foolish enough to think I could fill her shoes? How could I be so foolish to think I could do the things she has done. I wasn’t great, I barely was even living. I was just walking through life, not having a care. My parents were right, I was foolish.
Morpheus smiled. “But there is a way out, a way you can make all the pain go away.” He wiped away my tears. “A way you can make all the trouble you cause others to simply disappear.”
I looked up at him in hope. “There is?”
The image around me changed. I was at the coast now, standing at the edge of a cliff. Waves roared with the storm below me. I started to get dizzy looking straight below as the wind whipped around me.
“Jump Alice! End it all now!” I heard Morpheus call out.
I stared at the ocean below me. “But there is so much to live for,” I whispered.
“Is there? Think, Alice, you have lost everything. You have brought so much trouble to everyone around you. Your mother, your father, what do they need of you? They already have two perfect daughters, you are just a disgrace. Kate? Think of all the fun she could be having if she didn’t have you as a best friend. She has so much potential, you are just holding her back. If you jump now, you can let them all be free.”
It felt as the waves below me were calling to me. They wanted me to jump, they wanted me to join them. They wanted me to be destroyed.
So I jumped.
CHAPTER 16
A shock went through my body as I hit the water. I sunk deeper and deeper, letting the water surround me. It felt warm and welcoming. I wanted to stay here forever. There were no worries here, there were no people here telling me what I could and could not do. Just the freedom to float and let my worries drift away. I could hide forever. I didn’t feel as if I was suffocating, I didn’t feel pain. I just felt nothing.
I could hear people calling my name in the distance, but their words were drowned out by the waves. I kept my eyes close, ignoring whoever it was. I didn’t want to hear what they had to say, I just wanted to be left alone.
“Alice, wake up,” the voices called, but I ignored them. I didn’t want to wake up ever again. I didn’t want to go somewhere my fears awaited me when I could just let the current take me wherever I wanted. I would no longer feel pain, I would no longer feel worry. I would just be free. I would just float here and not have to face anything again. It was all I could do, it was all that I was worth, everyone made that clear.
Whoever thought I was the same as the Alice of legend was wrong. I was clearly a failure, clearly not set out to do the task to destroy the Circus. I couldn’t do anything to defeat Morpheus and I realized that now. I couldn’t succeed in anything I did, so I wanted to stay here and let my life pass me by. It was safe here, nothing to hurt me and nothing to make me afraid. It was peace. It was bliss.
Why didn’t people do this more often? Just sit back and let life pass them by. It was soothing, refreshing even. There would be no more wars, there would be no more pain. We could all live in harmony if everyone just gave into their fears and took the safe road. I could see that now, I had been a fool this whole time. This is what my parents wanted me to see and now my eyes were open and I could accept the fact. Dreams were worthless. They would never be achieved, not when reality would always get in the way, not when only pain awaited the dreams. Giving in to fear was the only way to go.
“Alice,” I heard the voice call again. I saw a flicker of light but I resisted it. I didn’t want to leave this place, I didn’t want to answer who was calling. “Please wake up.”
I felt as if I
