She tried peeling the tub open one-handed.
“Here.” I opened it for her, grabbing the scooper inside. “How many?”
“Four.” She shifted Aiden to her shoulder, still bouncing.
I grabbed the bottle, moved to the faucet and turned it on, waiting with the soft side of my wrist under the water.
She smoothed the baby’s hair, whispered something in his ear, and kissed his cheek. Man, she was hot on a normal day, but seeing her like this put ideas in a guy’s head.
“Not too hot,” she said.
“Waiting for lukewarm,” I countered, with a sly wink.
“How do you know that?”
“I’m the oldest of four and my mom didn’t care that I was a boy. She taught me to help out growing up.” I filled the bottle, twisted the lid on, and covered the tip with my finger while I shook it. “I’m the complete package, cowgirl . . . well, maybe minus a limb.”
I winked again and her shoulders shook with silent laughter.
“You totally are. Stop with the winking, though. It’s creepy.”
I chuckled, and handed her the bottle. Aiden’s head popped up quicker than a gopher’s when he saw it, a full smile curving on his mouth, little dimples pinching his chubby cheeks. No one would know he’d just been wailing his head off.
“Nothing like some breakfast when you’re hungry, huh, little man?” I rubbed his soft head and he cooed, shoving the bottle in his mouth as he leaned back. Lauren adjusted to counterbalance his weight. “I think he has his auntie’s dimples,” I added.
“Those are a definite Derian trait.”
“Ever think of having a life like this?” I asked, before I could think better of it. I mean, yeah, we’d already talked about the future some, but dreaming it up together was a whole new level.
“All the time. I know you envisioned this with . . . Megs. Could you be happy doing the family thing with me, too though?”
I nodded, moving closer again, pressing my lips to the side of her head. “Definitely.”
We grinned at each other like total goofballs. Lauren wrinkled her nose, “So, um, I wasn’t sure, but do you remember about church?”
My chest tightened.
I still hadn’t made it through an entire service, especially not the singing. My cheeks burned at that thought. Megs would’ve had my hide about it. She never missed a Sunday.
“It’s fine if you don’t want to,” Lauren added. “I mean, I get if you want to do your own thing. I just thought I’d ask.”
I didn’t miss her tone. She was getting ready to pencil me in with the other guys, wasn’t she?
Marines don’t quit.
I’d promised to get right with God.
“I’m in.”
-LAUREN-
Up on the stage, the church band was playing praise and worship songs. An acoustic guitar strummed out a fast rhythm, and the piano and drums joined in on the second time through. Aiden was in the nursery, Liam in children’s church, and me, Carter, Kellie, and Jared were together in one of the front pews.
Carter stood beside me, spine rigid, face pale, and fingers trembling at his sides. He took a few shallow breaths, sweat beads forming across his brow. I gripped his hand and leaned my head against his shoulder, rubbing his arm until his muscles relaxed.
For the first time, I heard Carter’s singing voice. Quiet, but it was there. Somewhere between a bass and a baritone. The hair on the back of my neck stood up as we sang together, about a king like no other, lifted high, and fighting our battles. We sang about our pasts and our shame, drowned by His love. We sang about His plans to restore and redeem, nothing required but our surrender and willingness.
When the last song played—my personal favorite—I closed my eyes and sang from my depths. About His love so strong, the deepest oceans couldn’t drown it. The wildest heart couldn’t outrun it. The darkest night couldn’t hide it.
I envisioned myself nine-months pregnant and standing before God, head hanging, heart bursting. I raised my hands in surrender, my lips singing the words like I wasn’t terrified because I needed Him to know, I was that heart. I was in my darkest night. I’d ran for so long, and I was beyond saving myself.
I’m still here.
He whispered to my soul Himself, soothing away my doubts and fears. I saw myself kneeling before a throne I should never be allowed to approach, the King smiling down on me, full of an affection I’d never understand.
I’m with you now.
A peace filled my soul like I’d never felt before. He was still here. All the places I’d gone, all the things I’d done—God had never left me. Could His love for me really be that strong?
A warm hand traveled across my back, and I knew, beyond anything else I’d ever known in my whole life, His love for me was that strong. Having Carter beside me proved it—God sent him to me, exactly when I needed him most.
A smile formed on my lips and when I opened my eyes, I saw a faint smile on Carter’s lips too—like he was realizing the same thing I was.
This had to be right.
After church let out and we were heading to our trucks, I hung back watching Carter playing with Liam and chatting with Jared as he pushed Aiden in the stroller. This could be my life someday, going to church with Kellie, chilling after as a big group with all our kids. My heart did a weird fluttery thing.
“So what’s with Carter?” Kellie asked. “Why was he acting so weird at the start of service?”
God, please help me with this.
“I kind of wanted him to be the one to tell you,” I started, mouth going dry. “But I think you’ll understand him better if I just say it.”
Kellie stopped dead in
