“I may not know much, Carter, but I’m positive that God’s been trying to get through that thick skull of yours. Now, remember, I knew Megs too—and there’s no way she’d want you doing this to yourself, refusing to move forward with your life, wallowing around in your misery. She would’ve forgiven you, even if the crash was your fault—which it wasn’t. It was an accident.”
He sighed, glancing at the gravestone before his eyes shifted to mine. “God wants you back, Carter. He loves you, more than Megan ever could. Even me and your mom. He’ll forgive you in an instant, but you gotta ask. The Bible says, ‘Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.’”
I wanted to ask for forgiveness, but how could I when the man I’d hurt the most was sitting right in front of me? Still loving me after all I’d put him through. God forgiving me was one thing. I knew now that He would.
“But, can you forgive me, Dad?” I dug my fingers into the grass. “I’m sorry, for trying to end my life, and for what you had to go through.”
“Oh, Carter.” Dad’s eyes were wet and red. “You’re my son. I’m sorry too. You scared me worse than anything in my life. I don’t think there’s anything in the world worse than the loss of a child for a parent, and I was so mad at you for trying to take yourself away from me. And from Mom. I haven’t been able to talk to you about it. Not the way I should. Carter, of course I forgive you. I just hope you’ll forgive me too.
“Know what? I think God sent me here this morning so we could pray together. I need to ask His forgiveness too, for being so angry. Want to do that? Pray with your old daddy? Ask God for His forgiveness together?”
He held his hand out and I stared at it, wavering between the truth of my failure and the reality of his hand, stretched out toward me, offering real forgiveness, right here, in the middle of death.
I gripped it and sat up beside him and we prayed together, for the blood of Jesus to wash our sins away; and sitting there on top of Megs’ grave, with Dad’s hand tight in my fist, I felt the same peace as in the vision, and I knew I was right with God.
“Welp,” Dad said, dusting his hands as he stood, “I think that’s what we call a cathartic moment.”
“Meaning?”
“That I can do Pastor Gregg’s job better than he can. I’ll make sure to tell him that.” He grinned. “Just teasing. But, we’ve had a breakthrough, haven’t we?”
“Huh.” I tugged at my boot lace. “I think so.”
“Oh, speaking of breakthroughs, Megs’ folks have been in touch. Matty’s in rehab and he’s able to give you some of your money back now. A couple thousand at least.”
“Really?”
“Yup.”
I closed my eyes and blew a sigh of relief. That meant I could still take Lani up on his job offer. A meaningful job, a potential career helping out amputees like myself. A real shot at a future. And that brought my mind back to Lauren, and the way she’d talked about me not having to choose between her and Megs.
The reality of what she’d said hit me like a ton of bricks. Loving Lauren didn’t mean I had to stop loving Megan.
Man, I was such a fool.
“What was that sigh for, son?” Dad asked.
“I was just thinking about Lauren.”
“I’ve been thinking about Lauren too. Now, maybe God sent her to you, and maybe He didn’t. But you dating her wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, would it? She made a great impression on your mom, and Pastor Gregg thinks she has some serious potential too.”
“He talked about Lauren? What did he say?
Dad held up his hands in surrender. “He mentioned something about a challenging road ahead for her—whatever that means.”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“Said something about confidence and liability.”
“Dad, I uh, failed to mention something pretty important about Lauren before I brought her home . . . Before I messed everything up.”
“Go on.”
“She uh.” I blew out a quick breath. “She’s pregnant.”
He narrowed his smoky-blue eyes at me, brows diving deeper by the second. “She’s what now, son?”
“Oh no. It’s not my baby. Just. There was this guy before she came to camp. A complete jerk. But, yeah. Anyway. It’s kind of what brought us together so fast. I was the only one at Bridgeport she told.”
“Hmm. First instinct is to tell you you’ve lost your mind, but you know what? You’re no piece of cake either with all your baggage. As long as you’re both on the right path now and willing to work at it—get some good counseling, take your time—I don’t see why it couldn’t work out.”
Dang. This was unreal. “Seriously?”
“Why not?” He lifted a shoulder and pointed to Megs’ tomb. “I trust your judgment when it comes to girls, son. I loved Megan like she was my own. I’ll do the same for Lauren too. If it comes to that.”
My heart soared hearing Dad say that.
“By the way, Dad, did Pastor Gregg tell you anything about some woman visiting Lauren yesterday? About mid-forties. Lauren looked pretty broken after their conversation.”
Her face was so gray, despite her makeup. A rush of shame invaded my peace —remembering how frozen I’d felt, unable to go and comfort her.
“That was her mother,” Dad said. “Real piece of work. Totally cut the poor kid off. Don’t tell him I told you that though.”
I rolled my eyes remembering Kellie’s call with their mom a few weeks ago. Both Lauren’s parents had basically abandoned her, and it killed me knowing her mom had left her for real—taking away all her financial support, too, when she was pregnant and defenseless.
But what about her dad?
“Looks like you got your thinking cap on, son. What’s up?”
“Let’s get home for breakfast. There’s something
