“It wouldn’t have been very amusing if I’d been the one that ape decided to tackle and then do the old ground and pound to,” I said.
In response, she simply laughed and folded her arms across her chest. Rami kept her distance, but not so far that she couldn’t plunge a sai into the barbarian if he made any offensive movements. From the sounds of retching coming from the bushes, though, Elsye wasn’t quite finished emptying her stomach.
The huge barbarian stood, his hands covered in gore, brains, and skull fragments. More blood and viscera caked his lips, which peeled back in an idiot’s grin. He offered me one of his hands to shake, which I took and gripped tightly, before I discreetly wiped the gore off on a dead soldier’s tabard.
“Me Drok,” he rumbled. “You Soultaker? You truly Soultaker?”
“I am. My real name, though, is Vance Chauzec, Lord of Brakith, and now God of Death. But you can just call me Vance, Drok.”
“Vance Drok? But me Drok, you Vance! Why I call you Vance Drok? Me Drok!”
I rolled my eyes. He was about as intelligent as he looked.
I slowed down my speech so that he could understand me more clearly. “You, Drok.” I pointed at him. Then, I pointed at myself. “Me, Vance. Understand?”
“Mm. Vance. You save me. These soldiers, they want to sell me. Make me slave.”
“I guessed as much. But how did they come to capture you in the first place?”
“I drink too much,” he answered, massive shoulders slumping. “And sleep too deep. Soldiers find me sleeping in forest. Put chains on me while I sleep. Then, I wake up and not only have bad headache, but also have chains on me. Soldiers beat me every day, and I very angry, ‘cause I can’t beat them back! Until now. I tell that cock-wart I eat his brains one day. And today… is one day. Hahaha!”
“Well you certainly did a good job of eating his brains, Drok. Tell me, though, what were you doing this far from the Wastes? Your people do not usually venture so far from your home.”
The goofy smile on Drok’s face broadened, revealing a mouth filled with rotten, crooked teeth. Whoever said that smiling made someone more attractive needed to have a look at this guy and rethink that opinion.
“You.”
His answer took me by surprise. This oaf traveled all the way from the Wastes and almost got himself sold into slavery on my account? This was intriguing, to say the least.
“Wise woman of my tribe have dream,” he continued. “Dream of new god in world: God of Death. She tell Drok, because Drok is tribe’s mightiest warrior, Drok must go find new god, bring him to her. She have weapon of power for God of Death, something only he can use.”
“Intriguing,” I said. “Did she say anything else?”
He nodded his huge head. “She also dream about Blood God. Say Blood God becoming very strong… too strong. Only God of Death can fight Blood God. But God of Death can only kill Blood God if he have this weapon of power. Drok must fetch God of Death so wise woman can give him it. And now, I find Soultaker. I find God of Death. Drok good, Drok happy! Come, we go to my home now.”
He didn’t wait for me to reply. Instead, he simply turned around and started walking, assuming that I’d come running after him.
“Whoa, hold on a second! Come back here. I’m not done asking you questions yet. And I don’t want to trek all the way to the Wastes to speak to a woman who probably reeks of piss and elderberries.”
“Wise woman of Drok’s tribe not crazy,” Drok said as he stopped and turned around. “And she not smell like piss and elderberries.”
“Well, all the same, Drok, I’m already on a quest. Two quests, actually. I can’t just drop everything and march off to the Wastes with you. I have shit to do here. A lot of shit. Important shit.”
While I didn’t exactly doubt that the wise woman had dreamt these things, I also couldn’t take yet another detour from Brakith.
Rami came a little closer to me and wrinkled her nose. Drok smelled… pungent, to put it mildly. He obviously hadn’t taken a bath in months. Perhaps years, actually. In fact, his reek was so potent that he may never have bathed in his entire life. This wasn’t surprising to anyone who knew anything about the northern barbarian tribes. The warriors bathed infrequently and never cut their hair because they believed doing so would weaken themselves. It was said that they won half their battles before the fighting even began. The enemy often broke ranks and fled at the potency of the combined stench of thousands of warriors who hadn’t bathed in years.
“It’s interesting that this man claims that the wise woman dreamed about you, though,” Rami remarked, doing her best to mask the expression of disgust twisting her face. “His mention of the Blood God makes his story even more remarkable. Perhaps he has some part to play in your future, Vance?”
“I don’t doubt it. But the Wastes are very far from here. And there’s nothing but ice and snow and blizzards for weeks. Along with yetis and ice trolls to contend with. Eternal light in the summer, and eternal dark in the winter.” I sighed. “We might have to add the Wastes to the list.”
“Most certainly,” Rami said with a nod.
I turned to Isu. “Do you know what this ‘weapon of power’ might be? Is there some sort of rivalry between the Death God and the Blood God I should know about?”
“Many ancient weapons of great power have been lost,” she answered. “Weapons that only gods could wield. Perhaps the hag found one… perhaps she didn’t. Perhaps she’s completely insane, and her dreams are nothing but a coincidence. Who can say?”
“You,”
