As amusing as this was, it was pretty pointless, and a waste of my energy.
I severed the cord of light that linked Grave Oath and the skull to the man’s soul. The skull’s jaw went limp, and I sensed that his presence was gone.
Chapter Thirty
“Well, I did get your husband here, even though it, uh, maybe didn’t go the way you hoped it would,” I said. “So, that’s that. I’ve upheld my end of the deal. You can hand over the mirror now.”
“Take it,” Millicent muttered, still in a huff over the argument with her dead husband. She picked up the mirror and tossed it to me. I caught it, feeling a crackle of magical energy as soon as my fingertips touched it, and tucked it into my belt.
“Thanks,” I said. “Now, if you want to answer my questions about, you know, the beast with two backs and all that, we can do that. Otherwise, I’m a busy god, and I have a lot to get done, so I need to get going.”
“I suppose I could use a bit of advice from a man who obviously knows what he’s doing in that department,” she answered coyly.
“Okay. Well, I’m warning you now, I’m not going to pull any punches.”
“That’s fair,” she said.
“So, your problem is holding on to your young suitors, getting them to come back for seconds. And thirds, and fourths, and so on.”
“Indeed,” she said, clearly a little embarrassed but also very much aroused, from what I could see of the spark in her eyes.
“Yeah. Well, if they’re pumping and dumping you, you’re not giving them something worth coming back for. And it’s not your looks; you’re one fine-looking dame, I’ll say that much. You obviously take great care of yourself, you clearly pay attention to your looks, and you’ve got a great pair of tits on you, if you don’t mind me saying so.”
“I don’t mind at all, handsome.”
“When I saw your husband’s death, I caught a flashback of one of his memories—you getting plowed by the gardener. And, well, you were just laying on your back, doing the ol’ dead starfish. Is that how you usually do it?”
“Well, how else should a proper lady do it? It’s the man’s job to pleasure me!”
“Ah, now I get it, and I’ll be blunt here. See, with that attitude you’re never going to get a guy coming back for seconds. Throw that ‘proper lady’ horseshit out the window if you want guys to flock to you like flies to fresh troll dung. And definitely lose the ‘dead starfish’ thing. As sexy as a woman is, if she lies there like a corpse while I’m doing the horizontal thrust, I’m not coming back for more, ever. If you think it’s the man’s job to please you, and that you don’t have to do anything to please him, well, no wonder this place is a revolving door for every young buck in Brakith. You want a guy to keep coming back, you gotta give him something worth coming back for!”
“Well, where do I even start?”
“First off, vary up your positions. Do not just do the dead starfish, seriously. I could be here all night giving you a bunch of different positions to try, but the best thing for you to do is go to your local bookstore and ask for the ‘back room books.’ They’ll know what you’re talking about, trust me.”
“’Back room books’?” she asked. “What might those be?”
“They’ve got a whole bunch of drawings in them showing all sorts of sex positions. Done by monks too, if would you believe it! Those pervy bald fuckers can draw more than just illuminated letters.”
“How do you know about these ‘back room books’?”
I chuckled. “My dad had a bunch of them. I used to sneak into his chambers when I was a kid, and I’d always find them hidden in all sorts of interesting places. Seriously, trust me on this. Go to a bookstore and ask for the back room books. They’ll know exactly what you need. Second, what’s your cock sucking technique like?”
“I don’t put penises in my mouth,” she said indignantly.
“And you wonder why guys don’t come back for a second helping? Come on! Get over yourself, learn to suck cock like a professional, and you’ll have to employ a couple extra guards to stop horny young guys from bashing your bed chamber door down. Trust me on this.”
“Well, I only ever tried it once, with my husband, and his stumpy little cock smelled almost as bad as it tasted. I really don’t think I could do it. ”
An idea of how to help her in a very practical manner popped into my head.
“Not every guy’s cock is like your husband’s, you know,” I said. “I bet if you tried the right one, you’d totally change your attitude about it.”
Her eyes drifted to my crotch, which was already starting to swell with excitement at the prospect of what was no doubt on its way.
“You may be right,” she murmured, her eyes hungry. “Perhaps I have not given that particular skill the attention it deserves.”
“I’d be happy to give you a quick practical lesson,” I said. “Give you all the tips and pointers you need to make sure those young studs you love so much keep coming back for more. I mean, it’s a bit of a sacrifice of my time, but I guess I could help you out, since you’ve willingly handed over the mirror.”
“If you would be so generous, I would be very, very grateful.”
“Come on over here,” I said, flashing her an inviting smile. In response, she bit her lower lip, almost shyly, like a girl about to drop a guy’s pants for the first time. She stood up and walked slowly over to me, her big, pretty eyes sultry.
“What should I do?” she asked.
“First, get down on your knees. But maintain eye contact with the guy. Let him know with
