Nellie swallowed. ‘Advice?’ She had given no advice to Lady Cecily, had barely spoken to her. And even if she had given her advice, she doubted it would have been anything sensible and certainly should not be followed. After all, who in their right mind would listen to advice from a woman like Nellie, a woman whose own behaviour was beneath contempt? A woman who couldn’t stop herself from falling for a man she could never have.
‘Yes. I was so intrigued about what you said about America being a place where people can reinvent themselves, become who they want to be. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to go and live in America and reinvent myself as the woman I really want to be.’
Nellie closed her eyes and rubbed her hand across her forehead. This was a disaster. How much more destruction could her behaviour bring to these people’s lives? She had caused Dominic to be beaten black and blue. She had ruined his chances of making a suitable marriage to Lady Cecily. She had destroyed Dominic’s sisters’ chances of marrying well. And now a few foolish words, words she could hardly remember saying, had caused Dominic’s fiancée to flee from him across the ocean. She had said a few stupid words, kissed the wrong man and that had caused this lovely young woman to take drastic actions that would change her life for ever. All because Nellie couldn’t keep her passions under control.
‘I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea,’ Nellie said quietly.
She wasn’t sure whether she should be trying to give Lady Cecily any more advice, not when her last, which she couldn’t even remember giving, had caused such problems. And not when her own behaviour was so despicable, but she had to try to undo some of the damage she had done.
‘Perhaps you shouldn’t end your engagement to Mr Lockhart until you’ve had some time to think about it. After all, until I came along you were looking forward to marrying him. And I know what I did was unforgivable, but it was just one...just one kiss. What happened between Dominic and me meant nothing to either of us.’
Well, it meant a lot to me, but it shouldn’t have.
‘You shouldn’t call off your marriage just because of one kiss. And I promise you, it will never happen again. I will never see Mr Lockhart again. And even if you don’t want to stay engaged to him, you certainly shouldn’t give up everything you have here in England and go all the way to America, where you know no one, where you’ll have nothing.’
Lady Cecily continued to smile throughout Nellie’s speech. Even when she had mentioned that kiss her expression hadn’t faltered.
‘Oh, I won’t be on my own. I will have someone with me. I’ll have Charlie.’
This was getting more and more confusing. ‘Charlie—who’s Charlie?’
‘Charlie Armstrong. He is... I mean he was the head footman at Hardgrave Estate.’
Nellie stared at her, momentarily dumbstruck. Charlie Armstrong the footman, the man who was the only servant who hadn’t laughed when Nellie had done her rather rude impersonation of Dominic and Lady Cecily’s wedding night. Colour rushed to Nellie’s face at the memory of that other piece of bad behaviour on her part. Charlie Armstrong was obviously very loyal to his mistress, but even a loyal servant would not be enough in a country where Lady Cecily knew no one.
‘But, Lady Cecily, even with your own footman I still think going to America is an unwise decision. I urge you to reconsider.’ Nellie sounded as if she was talking to a rather dim-witted child. She knew she was being rude. Lady Cecily was not dim-witted, nor was she a child, but she was certainly behaving like one. Perhaps this was how she expressed anger and grief, by making rash decisions, by doing things that would cause her further harm. Instead, she should be yelling at Nellie, trying to ruin Nellie’s life, not ruining her own.
‘Please, Lady Cecily, I beg you to reconsider.’
‘Oh, Nellie, you don’t understand, do you? Isn’t it obvious?’ She continued to smile at Nellie and waited for a response.
Nellie slowly shook her head. Nothing about this woman’s behaviour was obvious.
‘I’m going to marry Charlie. I’m in love with him.’ She was beaming. ‘I didn’t think we could ever be together, so I agreed with Father when he said I should marry Mr Lockhart.’ She stopped smiling and her brow furrowed. ‘Dominic is such a good man and I thought perhaps one day I’d come to love him. I thought when I married him and moved to his estate, away from Charlie, I’d be able to forget the man I really loved. But when I saw you in Dominic’s arms, when I saw the two of you kissing, I knew how wrong I was.’
Nellie swallowed, her cheeks burning in shame at the memory of what Lady Cecily had seen. ‘I’m sorry I...’
Lady Cecily smiled at her and held up her hands. ‘Don’t worry, Nellie. You have nothing to apologise for—quite the contrary. It was seeing the two of you together that made me realise I would never love Dominic the way I love Charlie. The two of you were kissing with such passion, such abandonment. I could never feel that way for any other man but Charlie.’
Lady Cecily shook her head, her smile fading. ‘I stood at the door watching the two of you and I felt nothing, absolutely nothing.’ She looked at Nellie, her eyes wide as if appealing to her for understanding. ‘I was watching another woman kissing my fiancé with such fervent passion and I didn’t care. I realised that if you had been kissing Charlie I wouldn’t be just standing there, watching and feeling nothing. I would have been furious, heartbroken, desolate. Even the thought of it is making me feel angry.’
She closed her eyes, shook her head slightly, as if trying to drive out the emotions surrounding that
